web analytics
July 1, 2015 / 14 Tammuz, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post


Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities – 1/05/07

By:

Chronicles-logo

Readers advise “Should have, could have, yet didn’t…” (Chronicles 12-22)

Letter #1

Dear Rachel,

My heart broke for the “older single” who finally met a young man she might get engaged to and it turned out their Dor Yeshorim numbers didn’t “match.” Part of the tragedy is the writer’s implication that she should have known better.

Rather than debate the obvious − of when exactly to check D.Y. numbers, how about breaking out of the prevalent double-blind mentality? What is wrong with knowing whether and which of one’s own children is a carrier of a disease? Several of my children were tested independently by a frum doctor for the same diseases as those on the D.Y. list. Our health insurance paid for the tests, and my children − who, as it turns out, are not carriers of any of these diseases − have been able to date confidently.

When one of my children was about to get engaged and her future in-laws asked for the D.Y. numbers to be “matched,” we knew there was nothing to worry about. With private, informed testing, someone who turns out to be a carrier will know that checking the D.Y. numbers early on or before a first date is an absolute must.

Letter #2

I had a similar situation, where Dor Yeshorim informed me that a match was not compatible. We dropped the shidduch and subsequently learned that the Dor Yeshorim findings were not necessarily conclusive. In our specific situation, one party was definitely positive, but the other party was “probably” positive.

Dor Yeshorim does not have the facilities for further testing and therefore takes the conservative approach of declaring the couple to be incompatible. This may not be true in all cases. In our case, after consulting with a doctor and extensive testing by an expert recommended by Dor Yeshorim, it was determined that the “probable” positive was definitely negative. We went ahead with the shidduch.

Letter #3

You could have referred “Should Have” to the PUAH Institute. Carrier couples of serious genetic diseases have several medical and halachic options open to them, including in IVF with pre-implantation diagnosis − a procedure that is utilized by many Orthodox couples who cannot conceive naturally.

For two people who have had such difficulty finding emotionally compatible spouses, every attempt should be made to help them find happiness together and to build a bayis ne’eman. Your dismissal of their courtship as simply being “not bashert” is cruel and potentially condemns these two people to a lifetime without companionship or children.

Letter #4

THEY CAN GET MARRIED. My cousin who is a world genetic specialist told me that there are possibilities, and the shidduch does not have to be called off. There are ways they can have children, albeit irregular − but if they are committed, then they can, by all means, have kids. I hope you can relay this message to the girl.

Thank you for bringing this and all the issues to the fore. You are a guiding light in our fractured community.

Dear Readers,

Your responses were overwhelming. Mi ke’amcha Yisrael? − Who is like Your people?

I thank all of you who cared enough to take the time and trouble to express your genuine concern and advice. While the final determination is ultimately up to the affected parties, your input will hopefully offer them and others a springboard for a positive resolution.

About the Author: We encourage women and men of all ages to send in their personal stories via email to rachel@jewishpress.com or by mail to Rachel/Chronicles, c/o The Jewish Press, 4915 16th Ave., Brooklyn, N.Y. 11204. If you wish to make a contribution and help agunot, your tax-deductible donation should be sent to The Jewish Press Foundation. Please make sure to specify that it is to help agunot, as the foundation supports many worthwhile causes.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities – 1/05/07”

Comments are closed.

Current Top Story
An ISIS/Gaza rocket launcher.
ISIS Vows to Conquer Gaza, Israel & Palestinian Authority
Latest Sections Stories

Anna Henriques, who hopes to one day head back to Jamaica, says, “Rabbi Raskin must be willing to respect what exists in Jamaica. The way to the future is to gently bring in the traditions of the past and at the same time embrace the idiosyncrasies of the Jamaican people.”

Food-Talk---Eller-logo

The Silver Platter has it all: gorgeous photography, oodles of useful tips and, more importantly, incredible recipes that you will find yourself making again and again.

Emmer-052915-History

It may be that seeking to connect with the past is rooted in the impermanence and impersonality of modern life.

It is very hard to build a healthy marriage when you do not have good role models.

My best book is one that hasn’t been published yet.

We tend to justify and idealize this division with pride attributing these tendencies as demonstrating a higher level of kedushah.

Everyone in the kehilla can get involved, she added, and mothers can network with each other.

On her first ever trip to Israel last week, popular radio talk-show personality and clinical psychologist Dr. Joy Browne, whose spirited broadcasts regularly attract millions of listeners across North America, paid a visit to OneFamily headquarters in Jerusalem in order to learn more about the physical and emotional challenges faced by victims of terror in […]

With the famous Touro Synagogue, a variety of mansions, each with its own distinct personality, as well as the beautiful coast, Rhode Island makes for an excellent vacation spot.

To avoid all this waste and unnecessary anxiety, let’s break the task down step by step and tackle each one at a time.

While there are those who insist they need full-color photos to be truly entranced by a recipe, I suggest you get over that particular requirement because the written word here will draw you in and cause you to salivate as you peruse the recipes scattered throughout The Well-Spiced Life (Israel Book Shop).

For those who couldn’t go off base, a personal parcel was priceless in its ability to convey a feeling of home.

With the danger of being discovered always a possibility, the partisans not only moved around in the forest, but also eliminated any collaborators.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/chronicles-of-crises/readers-advise-should-have-could-have-yet-didnt-chronicles-12-22/2007/01/03/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: