web analytics
September 21, 2014 / 26 Elul, 5774
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
Apartment 758x530 Africa-Israel at the Israel Real Estate Exhibition in New York

Africa Israel Residences, part of the Africa Israel Investments Group led by international businessman Lev Leviev, will present 7 leading projects on the The Israel Real Estate Exhibition in New York on Sep 14-15, 2014.



Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities – 1/05/07

By:

Chronicles-logo

Readers advise “Should have, could have, yet didn’t…” (Chronicles 12-22)

Letter #1

Dear Rachel,

My heart broke for the “older single” who finally met a young man she might get engaged to and it turned out their Dor Yeshorim numbers didn’t “match.” Part of the tragedy is the writer’s implication that she should have known better.

Rather than debate the obvious − of when exactly to check D.Y. numbers, how about breaking out of the prevalent double-blind mentality? What is wrong with knowing whether and which of one’s own children is a carrier of a disease? Several of my children were tested independently by a frum doctor for the same diseases as those on the D.Y. list. Our health insurance paid for the tests, and my children − who, as it turns out, are not carriers of any of these diseases − have been able to date confidently.

When one of my children was about to get engaged and her future in-laws asked for the D.Y. numbers to be “matched,” we knew there was nothing to worry about. With private, informed testing, someone who turns out to be a carrier will know that checking the D.Y. numbers early on or before a first date is an absolute must.

Letter #2

I had a similar situation, where Dor Yeshorim informed me that a match was not compatible. We dropped the shidduch and subsequently learned that the Dor Yeshorim findings were not necessarily conclusive. In our specific situation, one party was definitely positive, but the other party was “probably” positive.

Dor Yeshorim does not have the facilities for further testing and therefore takes the conservative approach of declaring the couple to be incompatible. This may not be true in all cases. In our case, after consulting with a doctor and extensive testing by an expert recommended by Dor Yeshorim, it was determined that the “probable” positive was definitely negative. We went ahead with the shidduch.

Letter #3

You could have referred “Should Have” to the PUAH Institute. Carrier couples of serious genetic diseases have several medical and halachic options open to them, including in IVF with pre-implantation diagnosis − a procedure that is utilized by many Orthodox couples who cannot conceive naturally.

For two people who have had such difficulty finding emotionally compatible spouses, every attempt should be made to help them find happiness together and to build a bayis ne’eman. Your dismissal of their courtship as simply being “not bashert” is cruel and potentially condemns these two people to a lifetime without companionship or children.

Letter #4

THEY CAN GET MARRIED. My cousin who is a world genetic specialist told me that there are possibilities, and the shidduch does not have to be called off. There are ways they can have children, albeit irregular − but if they are committed, then they can, by all means, have kids. I hope you can relay this message to the girl.

Thank you for bringing this and all the issues to the fore. You are a guiding light in our fractured community.

Dear Readers,

Your responses were overwhelming. Mi ke’amcha Yisrael? − Who is like Your people?

I thank all of you who cared enough to take the time and trouble to express your genuine concern and advice. While the final determination is ultimately up to the affected parties, your input will hopefully offer them and others a springboard for a positive resolution.

About the Author: We encourage women and men of all ages to send in their personal stories via email to rachel@jewishpress.com or by mail to Rachel/Chronicles, c/o The Jewish Press, 4915 16th Ave., Brooklyn, N.Y. 11204. If you wish to make a contribution and help agunot, your tax-deductible donation should be sent to The Jewish Press Foundation. Please make sure to specify that it is to help agunot, as the foundation supports many worthwhile causes.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities – 1/05/07”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
ISIS executioner holding British aid worker Alan Henning as a hostage.
Muslims Plead with ISIS for Life of UK Aid Worker Alan Henning
Latest Sections Stories

Three sets of three-day Yomim Tovim can seem overwhelming – especially when we are trying to stay healthy.

Plotkin-092614

Is a missed opportunity to do a mitzvah considered a sin?

Teens-Twenties-logo

The sounds and scents of the kitchen are cozy, familiar, but loud in the silence.

Baim-092614-Plate

Everyone has a weakness. For some people it is the inability to walk past a sales rack without dropping a few hundred dollars. For others, it’s the inability to keep their house organized.

His entire life was dedicated to Torah and he became a pivotal figure in the transmittal of the Oral Torah to the next generation.

When you don’t have anyone else to turn to… that’s when you’re tied to Hashem the closest.

While we all go to restaurants for a good meal, it is dessert, that final taste that lingers in your mouth, that is the crown jewel of any dining experience and Six Thirteen’s offerings did not disappoint.

Today, fifty years and six million (!) people later, Israel is truly a different world.

There will always be items that don’t freeze well – salads and some rice- or potato-based dishes – so you need to leave time to prepare or cook them closer to Yom Tov and ensure there is enough room in the refrigerator to store them.

In Uzbekistan, in the early twentieth century, it was the women who wore the pants.

This is an important one in raising a mentsch (and maybe even in marrying off a mentsch! listening skills are on the top of the list when I do shidduch coaching).

While multitasking is not ideal, it is often necessary and unavoidable.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/chronicles-of-crises/readers-advise-should-have-could-have-yet-didnt-chronicles-12-22/2007/01/03/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: