web analytics
December 20, 2014 / 28 Kislev, 5775
 
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
8000 meals Celebrate Eight Days of Chanukah – With 8,000 Free Meals Daily to Israel’s Poor

Join Meir Panim’s campaign to “light up” Chanukah for families in need.



13 Things to Know About Dating the Second Time Around


Marriage-Relationship-logo

 

7. It’s Not Exclusive Till You Say So

Dating the second time around basically means that anything is fair game. Your job is to put yourself out there and to be present in a relationship. That means opening yourself up to the person you’re dating, being vulnerable and letting him or her see you for the person you are. If someone values your worth and is crazy about you, he will focus on you to the exclusion of all others. Each person you date provides you with valuable learning lessons, to learn more about yourself and what you’re looking for.

 

8. Slow It Down

When a person is used to being in a marital relationship, it can be easy to see a dating partner in the role of a spouse and get comfortable very quickly. It’s easy to get swept up in the excitement of a new relationship and want to be together all the time. When this happens, that excitement can fizzle out sooner than you think – especially with online dating.  Many of my friends have experienced the intense two-week contact, and then never hear from the other person again.

It’s really important to pace things out and give a relationship the time and space it needs to build. It’s important not to emotionally unload every issue onto the person you’re dating because the relationship doesn’t have the strength needed to weather any storm. It’s also important to maintain a level of privacy, because you honestly don’t know if you will end up with the person that you’re dating. It goes without saying that any information spoken about during a relationship should be kept private and not repeated all over town after a breakup.

 

9. It’s All About the Kids

Sometimes the people we date have issues with our children. There are little hints they drop while we’re dating that should tip us off, but because we really like the person, we overlook them.  One man I dated kept telling me I was forcing him to grow up and he wasn’t sure he was ready to be a stepfather. Look at your date’s reaction when you tell stories about your kids. See how he or she reacts if you have to cancel a date because of a parenting emergency.

Make sure you ask if the person you’re dating wants more children. It may sound like a given but I’ve encountered men who have had their kids and didn’t want any more. It’s also important to find out what your date’s children are like and how the dynamics would work if you combined families.

 

10. Emotional Stability

Men who don’t have their life in order, a.k.a. are not emotionally stable, may or may not find stability anytime soon. You are blessed if you find that out sooner rather than later.

Some signs of emotional instability: he doesn’t have an apartment or regular place to live, he’s in between jobs, can’t stick to his decisions, makes grandiose statements and changes his desires daily. Some examples: “Let’s move to Europe,” “I think I’ll change careers and be a ___” “I want to blow money on ___.” You get the point. He consistently doesn’t follow through and do what he has promised to do, and talks big. His feelings for you may change rapidly and go from being crazy in love with you to having serious doubts. Remember, this isn’t about you. The person you’re dating needs time to get his life in order. There may always be someone desperate enough to settle for this type of person, but you need to ask yourself, why would you be willing to tolerate this person and stay in the relationship? Introspection is key here.

About the Author: Alanna Fine lives in LA where she's completing her MSW. She looks forward to no longer having the expertise to write dating articles. Alanna can be reached at 2ndtimearound4me@gmail.com.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

8 Responses to “13 Things to Know About Dating the Second Time Around”

  1. Great article..im sure this will be helpful to many

  2. Sarah Rivka Zulauf says:

    Great focus and decisiveness, very helpful article. Alanna Fine you are a beacon of light, love these tips.

  3. Sarah Rivka Zulauf says:

    Great focus and decisiveness, very helpful article. Alanna Fine you are a beacon of light, love these tips.

  4. Gary Pickholz says:

    What a depressing perspective.

  5. Anonymous says:

    Those who suffer from addictions et al do so as a result of a powerful spiritual void that is filled with a counterfeit experience. Where there is a strong guided spiritual program toward complete/good thsuva the powerful drive of the addict (or other dysfunction) can powerfully good. Such a person is in potential a great Rabbi, Rebbetsin or Tzadik, and an ideal spouse.
    writenut-

  6. Rivka Gornall Leiner says:

    Glad I did not see this before remarrying. Much of what she says is common sense but she portrays dysfunction as normal. Plus I don't trust anyone who suggests web datin g or meat market, ego destroying events for any but those who use them regularly – the most desparate. Those who stick to good friends and shadchanim get married so much faster than those in the meat market.

  7. Pinchos Woolstone says:

    some salient points, other of little substance

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Posted to Twitter in Ferguson, MO by St. Louis County Police: "Bricks thrown at police, 2 police cars burned, gun seized by police. Tonight was disappointing."  Their motto is, "To protect and serve."
Prosecutor in Ferguson Case: ‘Witnesses Lied Under Oath’
Latest Sections Stories
Games-121914

Here are examples of games that need to be played by more than one person and an added bonus: they’re all Shabbos-friendly.

South-Florida-logo

The incident was completely unforeseeable. The only term to describe the set of circumstances surrounding it is “freak occurrence.”

South-Florida-logo

The first Chabad Center in Broward County, Chabad of South Broward, now runs nearly fifty programs and agencies. T

The NHS was also honored to have Bob Diener as keynote speaker.

Written with flowing language and engaging style, Attar weaves a spell that combines mystery, humor, adventure and Kabbalah in the most magical place in the world, the Old City of erusalem.

There are those who highlight the diversity of these different teachings, seeing each rebbe as teaching a separate path.

Rav Dynovisz will be speaking in Hebrew on Wednesday, January 7, at 7:30 p.m.

Rabbi Simeon Schreiber, senior chaplain at Mount Sinai Medical Center in Miami Beach, saw a small room in the hospital that was dark and dismal but could be used for Sabbath guests.

“The secret to a good donut is using quality ingredients and the ability to be patient and give them time to proof.”

I so desperately want to have a loving relationship with my stepsons.

The Liberty Bell is a symbol of American Independence.

Because you can’t have kids pouring huge jugs of oil into tiny glasses, unless you want to turn your house into an environmental disaster.

Try these with your kids; there’s something for every age group and once all the recipes are made, dinner will be ready!

You children will build the country and you will help restore Israel to her former glory.

More Articles from Alanna Fine
Marriage-Relationship-logo

I once commented during a lecture that so many guys are just looking to play and not get serious. The speaker responded, “You’re not looking for a guy, you’re looking for a husband.” He was right. Making general statements about all men or women does everyone a disservice.

Marriage-Relationship-logo

At a wedding, I sit across from a woman I don’t know.
“What’s your name?” she asks me.
“Alanna Fine,” I say, choosing to introduce myself with my maiden name.
“And what’s your maiden name?” she asks me.
“That is my maiden name.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I thought that was a sheitel on your head.”
“It is. I’m divorced.”
“Oh, I’m sorry.”
“It’s ok,” I reply, knowing it won’t be the last time I hear that.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/marriage-relationships/13-things-to-know-about-dating-the-second-time-around/2014/02/07/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: