web analytics
November 28, 2014 / 6 Kislev, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
IDC Herzliya Campus A Day on Campus

To mark IDC Herzliya’s 20th anniversary, we spent a day following Prof. Uriel Reichman, IDC’s founder and president, and Jonathan Davis, VP for External Relations, around its delightful campus.



A Family Miracle

Respler-120613

Dear Dr. Yael:

In the spirit of Chanukah, I wish to share a family miracle.

My story took place on the eve of Election Day. The children were off from school and I had a busy day. They wanted to go to the Westfield Garden State Plaza Mall, but we had many chesed obligations, in addition to my son’s chavrusah session at 7 p.m. For both of those reasons, we never made it to the mall.

After hearing about the violence that took place at the mall that night, I kept wondering what would have happened to us had we been there. Would any of us been shot? Would my children have been traumatized by the tense situation? I remember feeling annoyed since I wanted to go to Macy’s, but all the chesed obligations and our son’s learning took priority. I later realized how Hashem protected us.

I learned a great lesson from our experience. You never know why you don’t end up going somewhere even though you planned to be there. You never know why you miss a plane or get caught in a traffic jam. One never knows Hashem’s greater plans.

Life’s challenges result in human annoyances, but we must maintain our belief that there is a reason for everything that happens. Some nissim are displayed publicly while others remain private, but when you truly believe that Hashem rules the world, you know that everything happens for the best.

Chanukah arrived early for my family and me.

A Fan

 

Dear Fan:

Thank you for sharing your story with us.  I truly believe that your chesed and the fact that you were running to help your son learn Torah helped save you from being in a dangerous and scary situation.

As you write, we truly never know why certain things happen to us. That’s why it is so important to not let the day’s trivial annoyances get to us. Thank you for highlighting this important lesson. Hatzlachah and may you continue to see dividends from your acts of chesed.

 

 

Dear Dr. Yael:

I always see the good in every person and every situation, all the while rolling with life’s punches. My husband, on the other hand, gets upset about every little thing. He is a nice person, but is always tense.

He comes from a home very much on edge, whereas my parents are more easygoing. I want him to simply enjoy life and share my nature of rolling with the punches. I know that I cannot undo my husband’s whole childhood but how can I help him learn to relax, be more flexible about things, and accept that everything is bashert? Please help me.

Anonymous

 

Dear Anonymous:

Thank you for your interesting and prevalent question. People often marry individuals whose personalities differ from theirs. As Hashem matches people with one another, perhaps your upbeat attitude is why He put you together with your husband. Maybe your husband has certain mailos (e.g. being more grounded and responsible than you) that went unmentioned. This may counteract your more laid-back approach.

You are quite perceptive in the way you see your situation, especially in your analysis of the differences between your husband’s and your family backgrounds. You are correct that you cannot change your husband’s upbringing, but you can help him deal with stressful everyday situations in a calm and loving manner. When daily events become stressful, urge him to take a deep breath and emphasize that the anxiety will pass.

Discuss this with your husband when he is calm and relaxed. This will ensure that you help him without being annoying during the stressful times. And underline the fact that you want a more relaxed life. Compliment him when he acts in a positive way (handling circumstances productively).

Discuss your different backgrounds and decide what you can do to make changes in your life. Think of your issues this way: due to those different backgrounds, you have a “shovel” to deal with difficulties while he has a “spoon.” This understanding will help you deal with your issues in a more positive way.

One of life’s great challenges is trying to use our different backgrounds as a way to help us deal more effectively with our issues. The more empathy you show your husband, the more he will be able to successfully confront and defeat his demanding tests. I wish you hatzlachah and hope that both of you grow through open communication.

Finally, seek professional help if you feel that it is required.

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “A Family Miracle”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
IDF Chief Rabbi Rafi Peretz delivers lecture.
IDF Chief Rabbi: Nothing is Holy to Muslims on Temple Mount except Al Aqsa
Latest Sections Stories
West-Coast-logo

Lester Crown, a perennial member of the Forbes 400 list since 1982 and founder of the prestigious Covenant Foundation, took the stage in Washington, D.C. before a room of high-powered dignitaries, philanthropists, and innovators.

Collecting-History-logo

Not as well known, however, is Keller’s involvement with Jewish and Israeli communities.

Creativity without clarity is not sufficient for writing. I am eternally thankful to Hashem for his gift to me.

This core idea of memory is very difficult to fully comprehend; however, it is essential.

Sometimes the most powerful countermove one can make when a person is screaming is to calmly say that her behavior is not helpful and then continue interacting with the rest of the family while ignoring the enraged person.

“Two nations are in your womb, and two peoples shall divide within you.”

Divorce from a vindictive, cruel spouse can be a lifelong nightmare when there are offspring.

There were many French Jews who jumped at the chance to shed their ancient identity and assimilate.

As Rabbi Shemtov stood on the stage and looked out at the attendees, he told them that “Rather than take photos with your cellphones, take a mental photo and keep this Shabbat in your mind and take it with you throughout your life.”

Yeshiva v’Kollel Bais Moshe Chaim will be holding a grand celebration on the occasion of the institution’s 40th anniversary on Sunday evening, December 7. Alumni, students, friends and faculty of the yeshiva, also known as Talmudic University of Florida, will celebrate the achievement and vision of its founders and the spiritual guidance of its educational […]

The yeshiva night accommodates all levels of Jewish education.

More Articles from Dr. Yael Respler
Respler-112114

Sometimes the most powerful countermove one can make when a person is screaming is to calmly say that her behavior is not helpful and then continue interacting with the rest of the family while ignoring the enraged person.

Respler-111414

There are many people today with very little training who put out shingles and proclaim themselves to be marital coaches, shalom bayis helpers, advisers etc.

When one marries someone with children, all family members must accept them.

My mother-in-law is totally devoted to her daughters and their children. Her sons’ children on the other hand are treated like second-class citizens.

How can I help my wife learn to say “no,” and understand that her first priority must be her husband and family?

It is important for a therapist to focus on a person’s strengths as a way of overcoming his or her difficulties.

I went to camp for many years. We cleaned our own bunks and did not have air conditioning.

“I would really love my mother-in-law …if she weren’t my mother-in-law.”

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/marriage-relationships/a-family-miracle/2013/12/06/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: