web analytics
July 5, 2015 / 18 Tammuz, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post


A Window Of Opportunity


Herskowitz-Moishe

An alarmingly high percentage of youth grow up with no preparation for marriage, as evidenced by the break-up rate of marriages in the Jewish community. They may have been told, but not taught how communication and problem-solving skills create harmony for more shalom bayis (a peaceful home) in a marriage.

According to the National Center for Health Statistics, 43% of first marriages end in separation or divorce within 15 years. Unfortunately, the Jewish divorce rate is on the rise, with problems in marital relationships as a major factor.

Q. What is Pre-Marital Counseling?

A. Prevention. It provides an opportunity for the engaged couple to learn new on how to improve communication and resolve conflict, creatively. The couple comes a long way in self-understanding, acceptance and appreciation for each other’s similarities and differences — skills necessary for marital success. Pre-Marital Counseling can bring a couple closer to achieving shalom bayis before marriage, than what most couples have achieved after one, two, or even three years of marriage.

Q. Is Pre-Marital Counseling for couples with problems?

A. NO. The couples who come for Pre-Marital Counseling have no significant problems. Pre-Marital Counseling has demonstrated excellent results, not only in preventing divorces, but also in enriching the lives of couples through learning skills for marriage enhancement.

Q. When a couple gets engaged, isn’t much of their personality already established?

A. That is not necessarily true, says counseling psychologist Dr. Aaron Rutledge and past president of the National Council of Family Relations. He states that the Pre-Marital stage is one of the greatest teach able moments and opportunities for learning in a lifetime that can also effect positive changes in personality.”

It seems that for a short period of time, a window of opportunity is opened for empathy and emotional growth that would take years to accomplish later on. Within a minimum amount of time, a couple could learn to develop the potential to understand themselves and each other’s personalities.

Rabbi Shmuel Dishon, shlita, states in his lectures to new grooms that, the neshamas of the engaged couple are still soft, flexible and adaptable. During that time, the couple is able to become sensitive to the environment and people around them. But as they reach their wedding and first year of marriage (shana rishona), their personality traits start to harden like cement. They become structured and established, and the results can be very positive or very negative.

In doing marital counseling, I find that many of the marital conflicts I come across are traceable to unresolved issues during the engagement period and in the first year of marriage.

CPC — Center for Pre-Marital Counseling, is endorsed by Rabbi Ezekiel Pikus of COJO of Flatbush, and leading rabbanim and Torah authorities in the NY community.

For more information or to obtain a free brochure, please contact Moishe Herskowitz at 435-7388 or at Ladino23@aol.com.  Moishe Herskowitz MS., CSW, is a marriage counselor and maintains his private practice in Brooklyn as founder of CPC. He is an educator, lecturer, consultant and adjunct professor at Touro College. He is the counseling coordinator for Career Services at Touro College and the At Risk Center in Brooklyn. Moishe is presently working as a licensed guidance counselor for the NYC Board of Ed. in Special Education.

About the Author: Moishe Herskowitz, MS., LCSW, developed the T.E.A.M. (Torah Education & Awareness for a better Marriage). As a licensed clinical social worker and renowned family therapist, he guides new couples through easy-to-accomplish steps towards a happy, healthy marriage. He can be reached at CPCMoishe@aol.com or 718-435-7388.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “A Window Of Opportunity”

Comments are closed.

Current Top Story
Iranian FM Javad Zarif and US Secy of State Kerry on the Fourth of July.
Report: Iran Deal Reached — on Sanctions Relief
Latest Sections Stories
South-Florida-logo

Orlando was once a place where people came only to visit and vacation. Now it is home to a burgeoning Torah community, a place Jewish families can be proud to call home.

South-Florida-logo

The smuggler’s life has been changed forever. He is faced with a major criminal charge. He will probably be sent to prison.

South-Florida-logo

“Thanks to a local philanthropist who shares our core mission, we now are able to connect more Jewish teens to Israel than ever before,” said Todd Cohn, executive director of Southern NCSY.

In September 2013 he was appointed head rabbi of the IDF Central Command and is currently in charge of special projects for the IDF chief rabbinate.

Last month we outlined how a few years after Judah Touro’s death a public movement was inaugurated by the citizens of New Orleans to erect a monument to his memory, and that opposition to this tribute came from a number of rabbis throughout the country who claimed that Judaism forbade the erection of any graven […]

Marceau suggested a dark reason for his wordless art: “The people who came back from the [concentration] camps were never able to talk about it…. My name is Mangel. I am Jewish. Perhaps that, unconsciously, contributed towards my choice of silence.”

Anna Henriques, who hopes to one day head back to Jamaica, says, “Rabbi Raskin must be willing to respect what exists in Jamaica. The way to the future is to gently bring in the traditions of the past and at the same time embrace the idiosyncrasies of the Jamaican people.”

The Silver Platter has it all: gorgeous photography, oodles of useful tips and, more importantly, incredible recipes that you will find yourself making again and again.

It may be that seeking to connect with the past is rooted in the impermanence and impersonality of modern life.

It is very hard to build a healthy marriage when you do not have good role models.

My best book is one that hasn’t been published yet.

We tend to justify and idealize this division with pride attributing these tendencies as demonstrating a higher level of kedushah.

More Articles from Moishe Herskowitz
Herskowitz-Moishe-NEW

In fact Hashem sets up couples that have opposite traits as an opportunity for each to help, learn, and heal the other.

Herskowitz-Moishe-NEW

Your husband seems to have experienced what we have described as the Ambivalent Attachment.

Many times when a couple is arguing they may, unconsciously, trigger childhood anger. So much so, that if we would stop and listen to what they are arguing about, it would sounds like two eight year olds fighting in the back yard.

In my last article I had mentioned that often one of the symptoms of autophobia, a fear of abandonment, is that as adults people suffering with this condition may become extremely sensitive to rejection.

In part one (Family Issues 04-29-2011) we mentioned that often a symptom of the anxiety disorder, the fear of abandonment, is a strong need to be in control. That is because the person suffering from the disorder has lost someone in their past – due to separation, divorce or death – and may unconsciously blame themselves for the desertion.

The fear of abandonment, also known as autophobia, is an anxiety disorder characterized by an acute fear of being alone. Often, one of the symptoms of this particular anxiety is a strong need to be in control. This is because one has previously lost someone close through separation, divorce or death and may unconsciously blames his or herself for the event. When this happens, any type of separation may traumatize the person, even the marriage of his or her own child can be viewed as a life-threatening event.

The following was a letter sent as a response to the article, “Children of Shame” (02-04-2011). The article addressed the fact that children learn at a very young age to disconnect their feelings as a mechanism to end their feelings of shame. As these children become adults, they find it difficult to reconnect those out of fear that once again they will feel the pain of shame.

Children who grew up feeling shameful for the most part will have also grown up without someone to talk to about how it made them feel.

Shame is one of the most destructive feelings there is. It is a feeling that something is wrong within us and has a negative affect on a child’s self-development.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/marriage-relationships/a-window-of-opportunity/2002/04/17/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: