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May 23, 2013 /14 Sivan, 5773
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The Tosfos Yomtov was convinced that the death of 300,000 –600,000 Jews during the Chmielnicki massacres of 1648-49 were because of improper Tefila. Communicated: Tefilla

Chillul Tefila Bifarhesia, as well as halachicly challenged verbiage and dress, are external manifestations of a critical lack of personal yiras shomayim which has lethal consequences.



Acting Respectfully Always Pays Off

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In both situations the drivers were guilty. But they dealt with their circumstances in an honest and respectful manner. So while I appreciate your letter, my point is that if we speak to and treat people with respect and politeness, we are more likely to be treated the same way in return. People respond well to words spoken to them in a courteous tone, and do not like to be disparaged. Thus, when making a point to others in a tone that demonstrates high regard for them and in a manner that makes them feel valued, we get much further in life.

Thanks for taking the time to write. I hope the two stories I shared with you and my readers more clearly brings home the point that I was trying to make in the column two weeks ago. Hatzlachah!

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The two proceeded to talk about everyday things and surprisingly her mother-in-law did not find anything else to criticize. This occurred a few more times, with my client changing the topic every time by complimenting her mother-in-law or mentioning something positive about her.

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Dear Dr Yael:

During a shiur on Pirkei Avos, a rabbi admired by my husband spoke about how some people begrudge others certain things. He mentioned the “D” word (without saying the word itself), and I think he said it was an illness talked about in the Gemara. He said that people suffering from this “machalah shachor” (dark illness) should live in a desert with the wild animals. My assumption was that the person would be left to die there.

Instead of putting it all on the men, saying for example that they are “trained” by “society” to feel, think and behave as they do, perhaps you could have encouraged these self-described happily-married women to look in the mirror and try to figure out why their husbands seem to act insensitively toward them.

My friend forwarded this letter and I am sharing it with you, my readers as it concerns an issue that affects many in the “sandwich generation.”

Dear Dr. Yael:

I am trying, over the Internet, to find programs for my son that are geared toward helping people strengthen their emunah and bitachon. Thus far, I have been unsuccessful. Do you know of any sites I can visit?

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He needs to have a different ring for his work number in order to be able to ignore all other incoming calls and message alerts. This will give him the opportunity to only speak on the phone or retrieve texts when it is absolutely necessary to do so.

To this day, all the returned items remain in my parent’s possession. Baruch Hashem, this was the beginning of a very close and wonderful relationship between my parents and these machatanim – on that continues until today.

Just like Aharon HaKohen promoted shalom bayis by sharing with couples all of the good things that his or her spouse said, a therapist can encourage shalom bayis in this same way.

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