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October 30, 2014 / 6 Heshvan, 5775
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Adults Who Were Children of Divorce: Meeting With Your Parents Today

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Clarify what you want and don’t want from your parent during this meeting.

5. Stay on Task, Don’t Stray: If you’re feeling good about the conversation, there’s a tendency to begin sharing or discussing things that you had never intended. This meandering can lead to other touchy topics that aren’t purposeful to your goal.

There’s danger in this, because you’ll move away from your original agenda and get into a topic where the conversation may not go well. This moment of being heard is too important to be muddied with any other issue. Keep the conversation to about 30 minutes, then bring it to closure.

If all goes well, you can end by asking to do this again and have further discussion. But remember that much of the healing after divorce will be on your own. But it can be so helpful to hear an understanding, sympathetic word from your parents, often, for the first time.

About the Author: Check out Gary’s web program where he interviews couples who share their struggles and innermost thoughts and feelings at mgaryneuman.com. Facebook or Twitter Gary at mgaryneuman. M. Gary Neuman is a NY Times best selling author and a frequent guest on the Oprah show. He lives in Miami with his wife and five children.


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Stacy and George walked out of the marriage counselor’s office angrier than when they arrived. It was their third session and this last fight over his ex-wife wasn’t going away. The fifty minutes spent embroiled in a detailed account of their battle only fired up their anger – and the counselor’s request to remember how much they love each other wasn’t helping. It would be a week before the next session and both of them were already talking about not coming back.

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As adults who were children of divorce know, healing does not occur through time alone. In fact, my research found that only 46% said they had a positive relationship with their fathers as adults.

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Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/marriage-relationships/adults-who-were-children-of-divorce-meeting-with-your-parents-today/2013/08/23/

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