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July 30, 2015 / 14 Av, 5775
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Adults Who Were Children of Divorce: Meeting With Your Parents Today

Neuman-Rabbi-M-Gary

Clarify what you want and don’t want from your parent during this meeting.

5. Stay on Task, Don’t Stray: If you’re feeling good about the conversation, there’s a tendency to begin sharing or discussing things that you had never intended. This meandering can lead to other touchy topics that aren’t purposeful to your goal.

There’s danger in this, because you’ll move away from your original agenda and get into a topic where the conversation may not go well. This moment of being heard is too important to be muddied with any other issue. Keep the conversation to about 30 minutes, then bring it to closure.

If all goes well, you can end by asking to do this again and have further discussion. But remember that much of the healing after divorce will be on your own. But it can be so helpful to hear an understanding, sympathetic word from your parents, often, for the first time.

About the Author: M. Gary Neuman is a psychotherapist, rabbi, and New York Times best-selling author. He is the creator of NeumanMethod.com video programs for marriages and parenting.


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