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Another piece of advice: whatever issues you face, know that for every couple it will be different.

I have also worked with people in second marriages who are trying to make their marriages work. Sometimes they tell me privately that the issues in the second marriage are the same as they faced in the first, and that had they sought my help during their difficult first marriage they might never have gotten divorced from their first spouse. This reaction is particularly true coming from a very difficult man who expressed the desire not to be divorced twice. He realized that he was acting in the same destructive way in his second marriage as he did in his first. Luckily for him, his second wife was stronger and more positive. Together they were able to rewrite the marital script and not create a situation whereby his second marriage emulated his first one.

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Dear readers, if you are in a difficult marriage, please get help to improve it – and make the maximum effort to succeed. Learn effective techniques and countermoves. Rewrite your marital script. If you are determined to stay married at all cost, don’t live in a miserable marriage; instead, get help to make it a great marriage. By doing this, you will save the future generations that result from your marriage much potential pain. Hatzlachah!

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Dr. Yael Respler is a psychotherapist in private practice who provides marital, dating and family counseling. Dr. Respler also deals with problems relating to marital intimacy. Letters may be emailed to deardryael@aol.com. To schedule an appointment, please call 917-751-4887. Dr. Orit Respler-Herman, a child psychologist, co-authors this column and is now in private practice providing complete pychological evaluations as well as child and adolescent therapy. She can be reached at 917-679-1612. Previous columns can be viewed at www.jewishpress.com and archives of Dr. Respler’s radio shows can be found at www.dryaelrespler.com.
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