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Say something like “I notice that when daily stress occurs, it is difficult for you. I would like to try something with you that may help you feel calmer in these situations.” Then practice deep breathing with your wife and come up with a secret, funny word that you can use to cue her when she needs to calm down by breathing deeply. If she is willing to try these techniques, you’ll be helping her pair stressful situations with these calming techniques. Her brain will eventually be retrained when stressful situations arise.

Please understand that she may have to work harder than you, as she is trying to undo many years of pairing stressful situations with panic or agitation. But it is possible to change if she is willing to make the effort by regularly practicing calming techniques.

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As a trained hypnotherapist, I often help people deal with stress by teaching them calming techniques through hypnosis. I also attempt to help my clients learn anger management techniques. So another idea would be to seek professional help from a frum therapist.

I wish you hatzlachah in dealing with your challenging situation.

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Dr. Yael Respler is a psychotherapist in private practice who provides marital, dating and family counseling. Dr. Respler also deals with problems relating to marital intimacy. Letters may be emailed to deardryael@aol.com. To schedule an appointment, please call 917-751-4887. Dr. Orit Respler-Herman, a child psychologist, co-authors this column and is now in private practice providing complete pychological evaluations as well as child and adolescent therapy. She can be reached at 917-679-1612. Previous columns can be viewed at www.jewishpress.com and archives of Dr. Respler’s radio shows can be found at www.dryaelrespler.com.