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May 23, 2013 /14 Sivan, 5773
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The Tosfos Yomtov was convinced that the death of 300,000 –600,000 Jews during the Chmielnicki massacres of 1648-49 were because of improper Tefila. Communicated: Tefilla

Chillul Tefila Bifarhesia, as well as halachicly challenged verbiage and dress, are external manifestations of a critical lack of personal yiras shomayim which has lethal consequences.



Criticizing While Respecting

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Respler-072012

I wish you hatzlachah in raising your children!

Dear Dr. Yael:

I appreciated your column, Improving One’s Mood (Dear Dr. Yael, 7-6), about helping your husband be more positive with the children. When my husband read that column, he tearfully asked, “Do I really come across like this [not positive] to our children?” I told him that while I know that he loves our children, he in fact does come across like this to them and that they make comments like, “We better hurry up, Abba is coming home.” This is often said in fear.

You would not believe the positive change in our home since this column appeared in The Jewish Press. The column’s contents have had a profound affect on our home. One night my husband came home in an uncharacteristically positive mood – with treats for the kids.

This past Shabbos was amazing. My husband complimented each child in such a nice fashion. This thrilled them, and accordingly they behaved better than ever. I know it is difficult to be certain that this change will last, but please be assured that this particular column has helped us greatly.

Thank you in general for writing your column and specifically for the wonderful Improving One’s Mood column. It has greatly influenced the atmosphere in our home.

A Fan

Dear Fan:

Thank you for your letter. People usually comment about a column when they are upset with it or disagree with an idea in the piece. While I receive some positive columns, few are as specific as yours. The time you spent writing this letter really means a lot to me. I wish you continued hatzlachah, and don’t forget that if your husband slips back to his old ways, remind him gently to return to his new and better ways.

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Dear Dr Yael:

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Instead of putting it all on the men, saying for example that they are “trained” by “society” to feel, think and behave as they do, perhaps you could have encouraged these self-described happily-married women to look in the mirror and try to figure out why their husbands seem to act insensitively toward them.

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My friend forwarded this letter and I am sharing it with you, my readers as it concerns an issue that affects many in the “sandwich generation.”

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Just like Aharon HaKohen promoted shalom bayis by sharing with couples all of the good things that his or her spouse said, a therapist can encourage shalom bayis in this same way.

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