We often hear about the difficulties so many of our wonderful singles face in finding their basherts. Our community is always seeking new methods and initiatives to make the process of introduction easier and more efficient.
Here are two letters – the first from a woman, the second from a man – both of whom met their spouses with the help of an innovative frum dating website, ZivugZone.com.
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Dear Dr. Yael:
I know that you are very involved in helping singles facing the challenges of finding their zivugim. Thus, I wish to inform you about a wonderful website, ZivugZone.com, that assisted me in getting married.
The following is a letter I wrote to the founder of ZivugZone, Moshe Coan.
Dear Mr. Coan:
I am grateful to you and to ZivugZone for assisting me in finding my bashert, with whom I am very happily married. I have no idea how I would have met Dovid if not for your site, as he is from Florida and I’m from Brooklyn. But Hashem thankfully sent you as my shaliach l’chuppah.
Now for my take on ZivugZone.com:
The site is easy to use, and you can contact whomever you want. Unlike other Jewish websites, which stress your level of religiosity, I find the personality test that ZivugZone offers to be very helpful. I like the fact that you can contact your possible dating partner directly, asking them questions and getting answers. And since your site worked for me, I urge my friends to go on it.
The best part about this website is that no one judges you. Here’s what I mean: In the general world of shidduchim, you are judged by where you come from, what type of family you have, how old you are, which school you attended, how wealthy your family is, etc. But all that matters on this site is the type of personality you have and your level of religiosity. And that is all that should matter.
Family and where you come from does not matter for this site’s purpose, just as it should be when considering marriage. The woman and man, and their potential connection, is what matters. It’s all about how the two can grow together while building a beautiful, strong family with avodas Hashem as the centerpiece.
People tended to judge me because I’m from Brooklyn, and said that I was always different and never really fit in. This became an issue in the shidduch process.
In short, based on my experience, this site could help many Jewish female singles. Having found my chassan through ZivugZone.com, I highly recommend it.
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Dear Dr. Yael:
I know that you are committed to easing the plight of the thousands of singles who are having a difficult time being set up with eligible candidates.
The website ZivugZone.com enabled me to find my bashert in a pleasant and painless way. Here is a copy of my letter of appreciation to ZivugZone.com founder Moshe Coan. I hope my letter gives chizuk to others seeking their zivugs.
Dear Mr. Coan:
I am so happy to report that I am now engaged to a beautiful young woman I met on your website. I had searched for a shidduch for nearly two years before falling into a situation that some would say was a mistake.
After doing everything I could think of to salvage my situation, Hashem helped me gain a peaceful divorce. Many people tried to take advantage of my personal situation, hiding facts from me or pushing me into another mistake.
There were shadchanim who were insensitive to my situation. They didn’t return calls after telling me that they might have an idea for me or they never even bothered to call me at all after meeting me. After having been advised by my rebbe to try a different shadchan-based website, I heard about ZivugZone.com. My rav gave me a berachah to give it a try.
I took the personality test and then opted to join the pool whereby you choose your own shadchan. Since I had lived in Eretz Yisrael for several years, I knew I needed someone with a similar background. Having returned to Eretz Yisrael after an unsuccessful trip to the U.S. to find my bashert, I decided to check out ZivugZone. Seeing a profile of someone in America, I e-mailed the young woman’s personal shadchan without regard for my decision to only look for someone from Eretz Yisrael to be my bashert. The personal shadchan liked what he heard about me and sent me to one of her seminary teachers to act as the shadchan. That personal shadchan from ZivugZone is now my father-in- law!
I had once thought that I would never use the Internet in any way to find my wife. But Hashem clearly showed me that this was the best form of hishtadlus I could do. I very much recommend this site to anyone in the frum community who is struggling in the shidduch parshah. It is an amazing website.
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I am impressed by the fact that these two people were able to exercise self-initiative. They searched through a pool of potentially compatible matches and made efforts to communicate (either through confidential in-house e-mails or through a shadchan) with singles they felt were shayach. They did not simply wait for others to make introductions but instead exercised significant hishtadlus by utilizing a frum dating website. ZivugZone.com’s pool of thousands of frum singles worldwide gave them access to singles with whom they otherwise would have no contact.
I highly endorse ZivugZone.com and urge Jewish Press readers to refer singles to this site – and to similar ones. ZivugZone is one of many wonderful, innovative shidduch services. Do a Google search on the keyword “Shidduchim.” Become familiar with all of the amazing shadchanim, dating websites, and community initiatives that address this critical need. Be caring and proactive. Think about the singles you know and make the best effort possible to refer them to these phenomenal resources!Dr. Yael Respler
About the Author: Dr. Yael Respler is a psychotherapist in private practice who provides marital, dating and family counseling. Dr. Respler also deals with problems relating to marital intimacy. Letters may be emailed to firstname.lastname@example.org. To schedule an appointment, please call 917-751-4887. Dr. Orit Respler-Herman, a child psychologist, co-authors this column and is now in private practice providing complete pychological evaluations as well as child and adolescent therapy. She can be reached at 917-679-1612. Previous columns can be viewed at www.jewishpress.com and archives of Dr. Respler’s radio shows can be found at www.dryaelrespler.com.
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