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December 18, 2014 / 26 Kislev, 5775
 
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How Does Marriage Counseling Help?


Schonbuch-Rabbi-Daniel

Enhancing Closeness and Intimacy

Lastly, a marriage counselor can employ techniques designed to enhance closeness and intimacy.

This may come as news to some people, but marriage counseling isn’t just for diagnosing and solving problems. It can also be supportive and enriching; indeed, your marriage doesn’t have to be on the rocks before you set an appointment.

A marriage counselor can teach ways of getting to know one’s partner better, establishing a friendship, and learning ways to show one’s affection and feelings. A counselor can also give couples exercises on how to provide mutual support. Interventions like these have a preventive function; they can make a marriage resilient and partners capable of tackling challenges on their own.

These three marriage counseling techniques are just a few that your counselor may have up his or her sleeve. There is really not one technique that is best; it really depends on the couple’s situation, the couple’s willingness to change and the counselor’s skill in executing them. The best results really come when you confer with your counselor, so that you can both come up with a counseling plan tailor-fit to your marital needs.

Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch, MA, is an expert in marriage, pre-marriage education, and working with teenagers at risk. He is the executive director of Shalom Task Force and maintains a private practice in Brooklyn. For an appointment or to watch his free video series on marriage and parenting, visit www.JewishMarriageSupport.com call 646-428-4723 or email: rabbischonbuch@yahoo.com.

About the Author: Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch, MA, Marriage and Family Therapy, is an expert in marriage counseling, pre-marital education, and helping teens in crisis with offices in Flatbush, Cedarhurst, and Crown Heights. He is a certified PAIRS instructor, and trained as a Level 1, Emotionally Focused Therapist at the Ackerman Institute for the Family, and is a member of AASECT. He is the author of At Risk – Never Beyond Reach and First Aid For Jewish Marriages. To watch his free videos on marriage and parenting and for appointments visit: www.JewishMarriageSupport.com or call 646-428-4723


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More Articles from Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch
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Separation anxiety disorder is a condition in which a child becomes fearful and nervous when away from home or separated from a loved one – usually a parent or other caregiver – to whom the child is attached.

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I try to focus on the parents in a way that is not often addressed. As soon as the child gets anxious, the parent gets anxious;

Most people are not aware that anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the United States, affecting 40 million adults age 18 and older (18% of U.S. population).

Parental conflict affects children in varying ways, depending on their age. For example, teenagers around the age of fifteen or sixteen are most likely to involve themselves in their parents’ battles. Younger children may keep their feelings hidden inside and may only show signs of depression in late childhood or early adolescence.

When parents come to talk to me about a troubled child or teenager, I often find it helpful to explore whether or not their marriage is causing their teenager to be at risk.

Active listening is only one part of the marriage equation; learning what to say and what not to say is the other half. And, it’s not just about expressing your feelings, but doing it in a way that avoids hurting the other person.

Control may be the most destructive force influencing a marriage. Let me illustrate this point with the following story. About two years ago a woman named Bracha, 47, came to speak to me about her husband’s controlling behavior. This is how she described her precarious situation:

Controlling behavior may be the number one reason that your marriage needs first aid.

If you are unfamiliar with the topic of control, it’s no surprise. Most people are unaware that control is a major issue for counselors, therapists and psychologists-at-large.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/marriage-relationships/how-does-marriage-counseling-help/2011/12/15/

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