Latest update: December 21st, 2012
Unfortunately, I have seen many couples who spend a significant amount of time nit picking about each other’s faults. Instead, they need to change their lens of perception and view their spouse in a positive light.
To change your perception of each other, I suggest making a list of your spouse’s positive points. Here are some questions that can get you started:
What unique qualities does your spouse have?
What are his/her talents?
What can he/she do that you are unable to do yourself?
What tasks does he/she fulfill in the marriage that makes your life easier?
In what ways does he/she help you develop your own identity?
What acts of loving-kindness does he/she do for you, un-noticed?
With your new list you can review your spouse’s good points every day. I even suggest keeping the list in your wallet, and glancing at it every night before coming home from work. The “individuality” list can gives couples the energy needed to grow closer together each day.
Relationship Test: Individuality
How often do you nurture your spouse’s awareness of his or her individuality?
1 2 3 4 5
Never Rarely Constantly
About the Author: Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch, MA, Marriage and Family Therapy, is an expert in marriage counseling, pre-marital education, and helping teens in crisis with offices in Flatbush, Cedarhurst, and Crown Heights. He is a certified PAIRS instructor, and trained as a Level 1, Emotionally Focused Therapist at the Ackerman Institute for the Family, and is a member of AASECT. He is the author of At Risk – Never Beyond Reach and First Aid For Jewish Marriages. To watch his free videos on marriage and parenting and for appointments visit: www.JewishMarriageSupport.com or call 646-428-4723
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