You may be able to repair some of the hurt by telling your husband what you love about him. Ask him to try and erase this negative experience by being more positive with each other. I believe that complimenting each other a number of times a day is key to fostering a healthy relationship.
Look for someone more experienced in therapy and be sure he or she will use positive approaches. Negative thoughts should only be expressed when either of you is alone with the therapist who can help you reframe your thoughts into a more positive statement, which will be easier for you and your husband to swallow.
Until then, practice countermoves. For example, if your husband says something mean to you, respond by asking, “Did you have a bad day honey? What can I do to make this easier for you?” While this is not an easy thing to do, responding positively works wonders in repairing all relationships. If you are too angry, it’s best not to respond at all.
It sounds as if you and your husband are both in a lot of pain, but please do not let this one experience keep you from trying to improve your marriage.
Remember, “Marriages may be made in heaven, but we must work on them every day here on earth.” Most people who are married happily for many years will tell you that they are constantly working to make their marriages better. May this New Year bring you much success in achieving shalom bayis.
