web analytics
June 30, 2015 / 13 Tammuz, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post


Making Peace With Your Mother-In-Law

Respler-052512

Dear Dr. Respler:

I have a problem with my mother-in-law.

My in-laws and I have always had a good relationship, so this unexpected problem is really bothering me. Let me explain. Recently, my in-laws invited my husband to a baseball game; they had an extra ticket. My husband wanted to go, and it was our understanding that he would be going with my father-in-law. So I gathered the children, thinking that we were going to spend time with my mother-in-law while the men went to the ballgame. But upon arriving at my in-laws’ house, I saw that my mother-in-law was dressed to go to the game. Feeling silly staying alone in their house, I told my husband that I did not want him to go with them, but rather wanted us all to just go home. My husband agreed, and that’s what we did.

The next day my mother-in-law called my husband and insinuated that I am a very controlling wife. That evening my husband stopped by at his parents’ house and they invited him to go out with them for dinner. He called to invite me to join them. Even though I had supper prepared, I gladly accepted the invitation.

My mother-in-law screamed in the background that the invitation was meant for her son, not for me. I told my husband to go, but I was very hurt.

As I have always had a close relationship with my mother-in-law, I do not understand why she is acting this way toward me. Further, my husband and I have a very loving relationship. So why is she trying to divide us? Why would my in-laws invite only my husband to the baseball game and then invite only him to eat out with them?

I have not said anything to my in-laws about this, and we are speaking with each other as if nothing happened. But the pain in my heart is so great. I always loved my mother-in-law and was very close to her. We shared a loving relationship before all this happened. Please help me handle this situation.

Heartbroken Daughter-in-Law

Dear Heartbroken:

I feel your pain and understand your feeling of being upset with your in-laws’ actions. But if they have always been good to you, it would be prudent to think about this situation from another perspective, namely that perhaps the baseball game incident was all a big misunderstanding. Maybe your in-laws thought that you understood that they only had one extra ticket and thus invited your husband. While it may not be the nicest thing to do, it is not terrible for your in-laws to want to spend time with their son.

In-laws should certainly treat their in-law children like their own children, with love and respect. After you and your husband went home, perhaps your in-laws felt hurt by what they perceived as a slap in the face – after offering your husband a “gift.” Maybe they did not see things from your perspective and did not understand why you were so upset that you made your husband go home. This may have led them to believe that you were controlling him.

It appears that your in-laws’ behavior was inappropriate, but we must always try to see things from the viewpoint of others and be dan l’kaf zechus (giving people the benefit of the doubt). Since you are obviously still upset about the situation, it would be best to ask your in-laws when it would be convenient for all of you to talk about what happened. When you meet, calmly tell them that you love them very much and want to have a good relationship with them. Explain to them that you felt hurt when you got to their house and realized that they were going to the game without you. Explain that maybe it was a misunderstanding, but you expected to have some company and not be left alone all day with the children. If you are really courageous you might even apologize for leaving, but clarify that you were reacting to feeling hurt and upset. You can also tell them that you felt hurt when they excluded you from joining them and your husband for dinner.

About the Author: Letters may be emailed to deardryael@aol.com. To schedule an appointment, please call 917-751-4887. Dr. Respler will be on 102.1 FM at 10:00 pm Sunday evenings after Country Yossi.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Making Peace With Your Mother-In-Law”

Comments are closed.

Current Top Story
Fortress Rachel (Rachel's Tomb)
Netanyahu Warns World Leaders to Take A Stand on Terrorism in Israel
Latest Sections Stories
Respler-062615

It is very hard to build a healthy marriage when you do not have good role models.

On-The-Bookshelf-logo

My best book is one that hasn’t been published yet.

We tend to justify and idealize this division with pride attributing these tendencies as demonstrating a higher level of kedushah.

Everyone in the kehilla can get involved, she added, and mothers can network with each other.

On her first ever trip to Israel last week, popular radio talk-show personality and clinical psychologist Dr. Joy Browne, whose spirited broadcasts regularly attract millions of listeners across North America, paid a visit to OneFamily headquarters in Jerusalem in order to learn more about the physical and emotional challenges faced by victims of terror in […]

With the famous Touro Synagogue, a variety of mansions, each with its own distinct personality, as well as the beautiful coast, Rhode Island makes for an excellent vacation spot.

To avoid all this waste and unnecessary anxiety, let’s break the task down step by step and tackle each one at a time.

While there are those who insist they need full-color photos to be truly entranced by a recipe, I suggest you get over that particular requirement because the written word here will draw you in and cause you to salivate as you peruse the recipes scattered throughout The Well-Spiced Life (Israel Book Shop).

For those who couldn’t go off base, a personal parcel was priceless in its ability to convey a feeling of home.

With the danger of being discovered always a possibility, the partisans not only moved around in the forest, but also eliminated any collaborators.

We never cease to be students, even when we are no longer in school. Therefore, everyone can learn from these elements of thought.

Whether the rest of us admit it or not, covers draw our attentions and create the initial impressions we have with books.

More Articles from Dr. Yael Respler
Respler-062615

It is very hard to build a healthy marriage when you do not have good role models.

Respler-061915

When they all try to speak at once, I will ask them to stop and speak one at a time.

In America one has to either be very rich or impoverished to receive care – the middle class seems to get taken advantage of.

Growing up, I saw the respect my parents had for each other. Then I got married…

When I complain, she tells me it is retail therapy.

This therapist kept focusing on how “I could do better,” never on how we could make the marriage work.

Unfortunately, the probability is that he will not see a reason to change as he has been acting this way for a long time and clearly has some issues with respecting women.

Returning to visit my family for Yom Tov has become torturous for me.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/marriage-relationships/making-peace-with-your-mother-in-law/2012/05/24/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: