On my end, I share all of the progress that both are making and encourage them to keep up the good work. If setbacks develop, I discuss them in private with the appropriate party. I find that these private discussions prevent future damage to what could be the fragile beginnings of a beautiful relationship.
This technique works very well with most couples. It allows the therapist to tell both spouses all of the positive things that the other spouse said about them. And it strengthens the marriage by focusing on these positive points.
Just like Aharon haKohen promoted shalom bayis by sharing with couples all of the good things that his or her spouse said, a therapist can encourage shalom bayis in this same way. Please speak to your therapist about this technique or look for a new therapist who might deal with your situation differently – hopefully, for the better. Remember that nothing gets fixed by speaking badly to and about each other.
May you have a chag kasher v’sameach and may this time of year give you and your husband the mazel to renew your mutual love and respect. Hatzlachah in your quest to find the right tools to help you improve your marriage!Dr. Yael Respler
About the Author: Dr. Yael Respler is a psychotherapist in private practice who provides marital, dating and family counseling. Dr. Respler also deals with problems relating to marital intimacy. Letters may be emailed to firstname.lastname@example.org. To schedule an appointment, please call 917-751-4887. Dr. Orit Respler-Herman, a child psychologist, co-authors this column and is now in private practice providing complete pychological evaluations as well as child and adolescent therapy. She can be reached at 917-679-1612. Previous columns can be viewed at www.jewishpress.com and archives of Dr. Respler’s radio shows can be found at www.dryaelrespler.com.
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