In short, both of you must make every effort to radically alter the way you speak with each other. Use gentle phrases like, “Is it possible for you to help me this afternoon?” or, if your daughter asks you for something, say, “Sure, I will do it with pleasure.” This will help teach your children the proper way to talk – not just to you, but to everyone they come in contact with. Remember that your children learn from your actions.
In addition, make an effort to spend more time with your daughter, as this will help cultivate a better mutual relationship.
The greatest chance of success in improving your relationship with your daughter is by keeping the lines of communication open. Remember that while an improved connection with your daughter is obviously important to both of you, it will also help her deal with future challenges that will inevitably arise.
May your daughter continue to give you and your husband much nachas. Hatzlachah!