web analytics
April 25, 2015 / 6 Iyar, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post


More Emphasis Is Needed On Preventing Divorce

Judaism has survived throughout the ages because of its people’s dedication to Hashem and to Torah. This has always entailed standing up for what is right over that which is popular. Judaism doesn’t allow us to shy away from problems. It tells us how to solve them in Hashem’s way and gives us a path that, on the simplest level, demands solutions that are truly moral and beneficial.

There’s a pressing need to solve a problem that threatens the Jewish family as never before. People know about the perils of divorce, but little thought or action is expended on preventing it. That’s not just a shame, it’s a crisis. Answers are available, but only by challenging what has unfortunately become commonplace can we effectively tackle this problem.

The problems with divorce include a lack of prevention and stopping what many articles have now defined as its “contagious effects” (when “friends” who are no friends at all encourage others to follow in their footsteps and seek a “freedom” that is nothing more than destruction). Another pressing question is why there are so few people and resources dedicated to combating what has become nothing short of an epidemic.

What are the results? Studies done in Harvard and Cambridge document that children of divorce are more prone to drop out of school, lead lives of crime, use drugs and have a greater risk of suicide. From a Torah perspective, we’re dealing with a threat from within to the Jewish people and its strong legacy like never before. All should be done by all who care to prevent it.

With regard to prevention, this is best accomplished by putting one’s spouse before oneself in every way. Concentrating on the good qualities of one’s spouse and ignoring the trivial are also key.

But what if one falls short of this, within reasonable bounds? What if one forgets that the main part of marriage is dedication in every way, including through communication and understanding? At that point a couple can work through their problems and build a better marriage and become better people all around. Society may not encourage it, but that’s a societal ailment, not a paradigm to follow.

How to work on this is crucial. One organization that has probably saved hundreds of marriages is SPARKS. While its focus is on working with couples that are experiencing post-natal depression, one key aspect of its success is its practice of advising each spouse individually, avoiding the free-for-all that couples “counseling” can become. Even in non-postnatal situations, each spouse having a mentor who is rooted in Torah can be of far greater help than traditional counseling, which often gives rise to one-upmanship.

Thirty years ago, the Lubavitcher Rebbe asked people to appoint such a mentor for themselves, one whose philosophy is rooted in Torah and who puts this into practice. That, in and of itself, would likely stave off divorce as both husband and wife are privately and separately encouraged to save their marriage.

As to those who discourage any form of counseling and ask, “Why save a bad marriage?” aside from the commitment made by both parties to each other and the effects on the children, many marriages become better with a modicum of effort. Those who take issue with this should read the Targum Yonasan on Devarim 24:6, which states that those who come between a husband and wife have forfeited their portion in the world to come. The Shulchan Aruch (Even HaEzer 154) also clearly sees marriage as a strong commitment.

Worse than divorce itself, more and more couples in difficulty are actually, shamefully, encouraged to run to lawyers as a first step. Besides breaking an important Torah prohibition, lawyers very often make reconciliation all but impossible, and sometimes use tactics outside the boundaries of human decency.

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

One Response to “More Emphasis Is Needed On Preventing Divorce”

Comments are closed.

Current Top Story
"Killing Jews is worship that draws us closer to Allah." That's his Jihad. What's yours? - An ad campaign sponsored by  the American Freedom Defense Initiative.
MTA Hopes to Change Rule, Ban ‘Killing Jews’ Anti-Jihad Ad
Latest Sections Stories
Food-Talk---Eller-logo

“People who never buy cookbooks are getting this one,” said Victoria. “They read it cover to cover and find it so interesting.”

South-Florida-logo

We have recently witnessed how other minorities deal with even perceived danger aimed at their brothers and sisters. They respond in great numbers.

South-Florida-logo

The Hebrew Academy students took part in all categories and used successful and innovative techniques to achieve their goals.

“The objective behind establishing small communities as places for relocation was a remedy for the excessive cost of housing and education in the large New York metropolitan market,” Mr. Savitsky explained.

Jewish Democrats did not entirely trust the son of Joseph Kennedy, a man broadly considered to be both anti-Semitic and pro-Nazi.

The teenage years are not about surviving. They are about thriving.

Every moment was a gift. I held each one, savoring.

We arrived in Auschwitz on Thursday, January 30, 2014. My seminary was taking us to see where the prisoners were kept. When we got there, I stepped off the bus in complete and total silence. I was in the back, and when we got to the gate I hesitated and started shaking uncontrollably. I couldn’t […]

From the moment Israel was declared a Jewish state, it has been the subject of controversy and struggle.

Now that Pesach is over, we return you to your regularly-scheduled pressing questions:   Dear Mordechai, Can I use a nose hair trimmer during Sefirah? Harry Lipman   Dear Harry, Yes, as long as your nose hairs are so bad that they’re affecting your job. Like if you have a desk job, and they interfere […]

It is very natural for kids to want attention and to be jealous of each other, especially when there is a new baby.

During the Second World War, a million and a half Jewish soldiers fought in the Allied armies, the Partisan units in Eastern Europe, and the anti-fascist underground movements in Western Europe and North Africa. These Jewish fighters won over 200,000 medals and citations. The Museum of the Jewish Soldier in World War II in Latrun, […]

The 2-day real estate event will take place in Brooklyn on April 26 and 27.

More Articles from Yomin Postelnik

With regard to prevention, this is best accomplished by putting one’s spouse before oneself in every way.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/marriage-relationships/more-emphasis-is-needed-on-preventing-divorce/2014/06/06/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: