web analytics
May 6, 2015 / 17 Iyar, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post


Opening Up About The Holocaust

Respler-013114

Dear Dr. Respler:

Regarding your January 17 column, “Passing On One’s Holocaust Experiences,” I wish to offer some comforting words to the grandmother whose father is sharing his wartime experiences with his 11-year-old great-grandson (the letter writer’s grandson).

I am also a child of survivors, one whose mother still has a clear mind. Although she is physically healthy, she is very depressed. All my life she never shared any details of the atrocities she endured during the war. I think if she shared her pain, she would unburden herself. I agree with you that the letter writer needs to redirect the audience for her father’s horror stories, but it sounds like her father is still enjoying his life and relating to his family. Conversely, my mother has always been a quiet, sad person.

Baruch Hashem, our amazing father had a positive outlook and dealt with his issues differently. I feel very bad for my mother; as no one wants to be around her, she is very lonely. She has no friends, and even her few contemporaries who went through what she endured are different than my mother. While I may be reading between the lines, it seems from the letter that this woman’s father is not depressed. Thus, she should be grateful that he still wants to be a part of the lives of his grandchildren, great-grandchildren and you. That being said, I reiterate my agreement that this woman must help her father find another medium to express his painful memories.  An 11-year-old child should not be put in the position of having to deal with these issues.

I wish my mother would talk about her pain. In fact, I showed the woman’s letter to my mother thinking it would start a conversation between us. But all she said was that she did not want to discuss the column and that the great-grandfather should keep his feelings to himself. I said to her, “Mommy, it is better to talk about your feelings. Maybe if you would talk about your past, you would not be so sad all the time.” She just became quiet and said that she is who she is and that she could not change at her age. I even raised the idea of a support group (I had one lined up for her), but she said that she just wants to bury the past and that I should never again bring up this issue.

Even though I don’t know the woman who wrote the letter, I just want to convey to her my hope that she look at the positive side of this situation. She should be grateful that her father is at least talking about his past and that he appears to be taking an active part in his daughter’s and her family’s life. For this she should be happy.

Silence is not always golden. Expressing feelings helps people move on and enjoy their lives. I think Hitler, yimach shemo, did not only kill six million Jews, but also killed my mother’s spirit and denied me the ability to have a normal mother. Thank you for listening, Dr. Respler, and keep up your great work.

A Child of Survivors
 

Dear Child of Survivors:

Thank you for your letter. In life we must always try to find the positive in every situation.

I hope this woman reads your letter and sees another angle to her situation. With respect to your mother, she appears to be clinically depressed. It seems as if she took all the anger she accrued during the war and turned it inward. This might be the cause of her depression. I think you should recommend to your mother that she receive professional help.

Even if she refuses to speak about her past, perhaps some medication can help alter her negative mood. Another idea is for her to begin to address other subjects, which can lead to talking about her past in a more natural manner. Finally, exercise is the greatest anti-depressant. Maybe you can help your mother enroll in an exercise class geared both to people her age and in her physical situation. For instance, swimming is a recommended exercise for people of all ages.

Since your mother is not interested in joining a support group, possibly just getting her involved in more activities would be helpful. Other people surrounding her will likely help her. However, if your mother is indeed clinically depressed, getting her to do anything will be challenging. You need to prepare yourself for some resistance, as depression sufferers generally do not have any desire to do anything. This may force you to practically have to drag your mother to some of these activities, but remember that it will be well worth the difficulty if your mother responds positively and her mood begins to improve.

Thank you for advising all of us to be appreciative for what we have. I wish you much hatzlachah with your mother, and I hope you have the zechus to help her unburden herself.

About the Author: Letters may be emailed to deardryael@aol.com. To schedule an appointment, please call 917-751-4887.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

2 Responses to “Opening Up About The Holocaust”

  1. As a Holocaust survivor myself I can relate to this problem, to talk or not to talk.
    I resolved my problem with seeking psychiatric help for many years since I suffered with PTS. I was fortunate to become a professional artist where I can express myself freely. I have quite few friends many very young people who regularly visit me. It is the most serene part of my life right now at 89 years of age.
    Shalom
    Holocaust survivor

  2. Margaretha Tierney says:

    Dear people who still suffer. Take your hurts to G-d. Tell Him all you have suffered and still suffer and give them to Him. It is too big for you to continue carrying. It might not seem like He takes them, but once you have actually done it, refuse to listen to the thoughts that come about them — just say, 'They don't belong to me any more. G-d has taken them from me.' Then purposely do something to take your mind from them. Every time they come to mind, direct your attention elsewhere while acknowledging that they do not belong to you any more. Say these words out loud. After a while the 'enemy' will leave you alone. Direct your attention to the goodness of our G-d and ask Him to give you His joy. Nehemiah 8 verse 10.

Comments are closed.

Current Top Story
Bayit Yehudi Party Celebration
Coalition Last Minute Talks: Likud Capitulates, Bayit Yehudi Wins Justice + 2 Security Cabinet Votes
Latest Sections Stories
Ganz-View-From-Window-logo

Eretz Yisrael is Eretz HaChayim – the Land of Life.

Shomron-050115-Sarita-and-Dror

After camping out in tents for a year, the Maoz family needed some time out.

Safar-050115-Califlower

Cauliflower is one of my favorite ingredients to cook with – it blends so easily into whatever dish I am preparing.

For all their deliciousness, frozen beverages do not stand the test of time well, as any ice or frozen fruit thickening your drink will melt into a watery mess.

“DouxMatok’s technology will allow for a reduction of 30-60 percent of sugar in a product, depending on the application, and with no effect on taste.”

How do we ensure that our students aren’t studying for the grade or the end-of-the-year pizza party? How can we get them to truly want to learn for learning’s sake?

The message being conveyed is that without “flour,” without the means to support oneself and one’s family, one’s focus on Torah will be impeded by worry.

Someone close to us knew that you were good at saving marriages and begged us to give therapy one last chance,

Rabbi Pinni Dunner and Holocaust survivor Heddy Orden.

He wrote a strong defense of shechitah in which he maintained that the Jewish method of slaughter had a humanitarian influence on the Jewish people.

New York State Lieutenant Governor Kathy Hochul will be the keynote speaker at the Westchester Government Relations Legislative Breakfast on Friday, May 8, at 7:45 am at the Jewish Community Center of Harrison.  The annual event, which brings together important elected officials and the Westchester Jewish community, is sponsored jointly by UJA-Federation of New York […]

“Like other collaborative members, we embarked on this journey as an opportunity to build on New York leadership’s long commitment to expand and diversify opportunities for Jewish teen engagement,” says Melanie Schneider, senior planning executive with UJA-Federation of New York’s Commission on Jewish Identity and Renewal

More Articles from Dr. Yael Respler
Respler-050115

Someone close to us knew that you were good at saving marriages and begged us to give therapy one last chance,

Respler-logo-NEW

My mother-in-law and I have had our problems since the beginning of my marriage.

It is very natural for kids to want attention and to be jealous of each other, especially when there is a new baby.

How can you expect people who go through such gehenom to even know how to give warmth and love?

Isn’t therapy about being yourself; aren’t there different ways for people to communicate with each other?

I believe that Hashem will only bring Moshiach when we finally achieve achdus.

I love my husband dearly and I do everything to make him happy.

Men and women have different roles to play in marriages and as parents.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/marriage-relationships/opening-up-about-the-holocaust/2014/01/31/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: