Marriage and Relationships

I truly believe that chessed begins at home. We must care for our own immediate families and extended families before running out to save the world.

Living in New York will definitely allow you to access more shadchanim, more singles events, and offer you more exposure to a greater group of people.

At this point, you may want to first find out what is going on before you involve your ex-husband. Perhaps your son may have actually done this extreme behavior to get you to speak to your ex-husband.

Being smart is terrific. It is a gift from Hashem, like talent and beauty and the ability to fold bed sheets (obviously). You are smart. You know it, you want others to know it, and you want to marry someone who will mirror that intellect.

You are concerned that if she is seemingly this involved before you are even engaged, that will translate into boundaries crossed in your future with her daughter.

You are lucky that you have one parent to model positivity for you. You are already 16 and seem wise beyond your years.

Other shadchanim mean well, but don’t know how to express their thoughts gently. Sometimes, it’s not what is said, but how it’s conveyed that makes all the difference.

For some reason, when it comes to the shidduch world, it is considered normal – even "the Torah way" – for singles to put their fate entirely in the hands of strangers.

I see no harm done in starting with Zoom dating to at least get to know the person initially.

If Covid-19 has taught us anything – it’s that connection can still be fostered when we are not together. We can still get to know each other, build relationships, and learn from and about each other.

They take out the trash themselves, unstuff the toilet, and shlep their own luggage. These women don’t need a man, but they must not forget that they still want one.

She seems to be feeling overworked and overwhelmed, and unfortunately appears to be taking it out on you.

I also heard a few classic stories about people who had fallen in every room you can imagine and were away from their phone. One person even lives in a nursing home but wasn't able to reach the emergency cord on the wall.

You see the effort that your older siblings must expend in order to grow their families and you want to reject all the obligation that brings.

Zoom dating works for the first few dates or the first few weeks, but a real relationship generally grows from being with a person face-to-face.

I will never minimize the strength and determination it takes to get dressed up, to put on a happy face, and to portray positivity and enthusiasm when you have been dating for so many years.

I though it was showing weakness to ask for help. So, I never asked for help and no one offered any.

You are certainly lucky to have had a brother go through shidduchim before you so that you could better understand how the process works.

You are correct that there may be those who may not be interested in you because your family isn’t Instagram perfect.

Sometimes, it is easier to deal with the challenge that is hidden behind a black garbage bag.

While we know that they have no bearing on someone’s character, they can cause friction and uncertainty as you prepare to walk down the aisle.

It is important to remember that nothing will work all of the time and that you will probably still have difficult moments, but it is how you handle these difficult moments that will determine how things turn out in the future.

Different can be exhilarating, especially if you have a tendency to be more circumspect and careful. Different suddenly allows you to enjoy the fun that spontaneity and a sense of adventure often offers.

You have to assume everyone is at least two or three notches lower than he or she appears in the profile picture simply because many people will be two or three notches lower in real life.

Most people do not realize that we are causing our physical, emotional and behavioral health problems and generally try harder to go faster.

It is heartwarming to hear that you both found a way to date that was safe with backyard benches in the place of hotel lobbies and local restaurants.

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He believed that there was a myriad of choices and thus it was his prerogative to analyze every single one.

Make sure you get outside daily. Yes it is hard to get out and there are a lot of restrictions, but getting fresh air daily can help keep depressing thoughts at bay.

While you may struggle to talk and share, you can be a great listener. Prepare open-ended questions before the date and really listen to the answers given.