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Posted on: November 24th, 2010Sections → Family → Marriage and Relationships
Dear Rabbi Schonbuch, My husband drinks every night. He starts with a few glasses of wine with dinner and always ends with whisky. Some nights it's just one or two large ones and other nights it can be half a bottle. I know that we believe that drinking at a Farbrengen or a Kiddush is allowed, but when does it begin to become a problem?
Posted on: November 17th, 2010Sections → Family → Marriage and Relationships
Dear Gary, I'm very upset with the younger generation today and the way they treat their marriages. I've been married for 56 years and admit that it hasn't always been easy. If I thought about getting divorced each time my husband upset or annoyed me, we wouldn't have gotten past the week of sheva brachos. It seems to me that today’s newlyweds don't want to make any sacrifices and think only of themselves. My grandson, the father of two beautiful young children, is getting divorced. He says its because he didn't make his wife happy enough and spent too much time working at his new job. This is outrageous. Do you think this younger generation is too selfish?
Posted on: November 11th, 2010Sections → Family → Marriage and Relationships
Dear Rabbi Schonbuch, My husband and I are having trouble in our marriage. We tend to fight about the same issues every day and he's very emotionally distant. At what point should I consider seeing a marriage therapist?
Posted on: October 27th, 2010Sections → Family → Marriage and Relationships
Question: A few years ago I was forced to go back to work when my husband lost his job. Baruch Hashem I have become very successful in my field, one that is largely male. While my husband is now working as well, it has become clear that my job is the priority - I make almost triple his salary and there's potential for much more. I never intended to be away from my kids, but am not upset that I had to go to work.
Posted on: September 29th, 2010Sections → Family → Marriage and Relationships
Question: My husband and I have been married 14 years, have 6 children, each one in a yeshiva and are so overwhelmed. Between shuttling the kids and homework, I feel like my marriage is non-existent. My husband tells me it's normal at this stage in our life but my mother tells me to do something about it. Where do I begin?
Posted on: September 8th, 2010Sections → Family → Marriage and Relationships
As the coordinator of the Domestic Abuse Program at OHEL for the past 10 years, I have seen many very special women come forward with their painful stories. I am proud to say that our program has made a significant difference in the lives of these courageous women.
Posted on: September 1st, 2010Sections → Family → Marriage and Relationships
Dear Gary, I have begun dating someone who I like very much. However, there is one issue that has raised a red flag. He talks about his mother a lot - in a good way. They have a very close relationship. However, some of my girlfriends (one who is married and does not get along with her mother-in-law) told me to beware of marrying a "Momma's boy" because then you're marrying his mother. Is this a real concern when dating? Concerned
Posted on: August 18th, 2010Sections → Family → Marriage and Relationships
Zelda woke up with a start, the silence eerie and disorienting. She has been waking up this way for almost a year - since shortly after Ruchy and her husband left for Eretz Yisroel. "I can go back to sleep," thought Zelda. But she lay in bed, straining to hear the sounds which for so many years began her day. The banging of bathroom doors, the shouting for lost and then found shoes, tights and seforim, the noise of phones and doorbells ringing, the house filled to the brim with comings and goings.
Posted on: July 28th, 2010Sections → Family → Marriage and Relationships
At a wedding, I sit across from a woman I don't know. "What's your name?" she asks me. "Alanna Fine," I say, choosing to introduce myself with my maiden name. "And what's your maiden name?" she asks me. "That is my maiden name." "Oh, I'm sorry. I thought that was a sheitel on your head." "It is. I'm divorced." "Oh, I'm sorry." "It's ok," I reply, knowing it won't be the last time I hear that.
Posted on: June 2nd, 2010Sections → Family → Marriage and Relationships
Sometimes a few sessions of marital therapy can solve problems that were festering for years. The married couple have often locked themselves into such a struggle; they need help to simply untangle the knot. This has a lot to do with the high level of emotion they are feeling - just think of the expression "I am so angry I can't think straight. The husband and wife often cannot think logically or clearly. Every issue between them is filled with layers of anger, hurt, betrayal and fear that has built up over the years due to miscommunication.
Posted on: May 12th, 2010Sections → Family → Marriage and Relationships
If you knew how much trouble I had getting gay men to be interviewed by me, you would doubt that the term "gay" applies to them. Their elusive hesitance, their resistance to revealing any identifying information including their phone numbers and the need for my repeated reassurances that I would respect their privacy and exercise discretion further evidences that they are not happy with their former identities and associations and have chosen a different path because "gay" and homosexual are not necessarily synonymous. In fact Dan (not his real name) was quick to confirm my assumptions. He felt it was very much an oxymoron to be gay and happy in his life.
Posted on: April 14th, 2010Sections → Family → Marriage and Relationships
Many years ago, I was meeting relatives at the airport when I ran into someone I knew whom I hadn't seen in a few years. Someone who was a very active homosexual. I asked him what he was doing at the airport and he told me he was there to pick up his wife and kids. "Oh," I said and, as if on cue, his wife appeared with two little kids in tow.
Posted on: December 16th, 2009Sections → Family → Marriage and Relationships
During these difficult financial times, many couples, usually without ever noticing it, start dealing with life as individuals. They begin to recede from each other and allow a distance to develop. They stop talking. They find their feelings to be too intense and too difficult to face, so they don't share them. They don't want to share that they are scared, so each partner says nothing and goes into a deep and lonely place within. They don't fight for their relationship. Instead they fight over money and who's at fault for the situation. They blame each other for not making enough money, for spending too much money, for not saving money, or for not spending enough time doing the things that will bring in more money.
Posted on: November 25th, 2009Sections → Family → Marriage and Relationships
The morning blessings provide a daily reminder of the mitzvah to bring peace between a husband and wife. However, most couples can maintain sholom bayis on their own with a practical, easy-to-implement system: the Marriage Meeting Program.
Posted on: November 4th, 2009Sections → Family → Marriage and Relationships
Have you joined with other women in your community to punish someone who has behaved badly? I have seen several instances of shunning, where women banded together to cut someone out of the social life of their synagogue and neighborhood in order to punish her for wrongdoing. Women shunning another woman, often feel they are participating in a positive act, but it is one they do not discuss with their rabbi. This is a modern, informal version of cherem.
Posted on: October 21st, 2009Sections → Family → Marriage and Relationships
My oldest daughter recently celebrated her nineteenth birthday, and I'm just now getting used to the idea that my husband and I are heading into a new parsha in our lives: Getting ready to find a shidduch for our daughter. So it wasn't any wonder that the topic came up when I ran into an old friend at shul the other day.
Posted on: October 9th, 2009Sections → Family → Marriage and Relationships
Due to the overwhelming amount of e-mail I have received about domestic abuse, this week’s column focuses on the services of Shalom Task Force. (Names and situation have been changed) According to the Allstate Foundation National Poll on Domestic Violence, three out of four Americans know someone who is or has been a victim of […]
Posted on: August 28th, 2009Sections → Family → Marriage and Relationships
Can improving your marriage help you live longer? A fascinating study led by researchers at Hebrew University revealed that Bnei Brak, an Israeli city that has one of the highest proportions of ultra-Orthodox Jews, also had the longest life expectancy in Israel. This is what the report found:
Posted on: August 14th, 2009Sections → Family → Marriage and Relationships
The number one factor in resolving problems of acceptance by in-laws is your spouse’s support. As with all close relationships, it’s an art to support your spouse without jumping into the fight or feeding his or her discontent.
Posted on: August 7th, 2009Sections → Family → Marriage and Relationships
You may think you said “I do” to just one person on your wedding day, but the reality of married life is that you actually vowed to honor several people. Marriage comes with new challenges; some of which you had no idea were waiting for you.
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