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July 23, 2014 / 25 Tammuz, 5774
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Part 2 – Pleasure vs. Happiness in Marriage


Schonbuch-Rabbi-Daniel

 

What amazed me the most about this couple was their tremendous sense of happiness and camaraderie.  Love seemed to permeate their home and their relationships with the people who happened to enter into their lives.

 

That Shabbos, I was given a present far greater than a bed to sleep on:  a glimpse at the secret of what makes and sustains good marriages. That secret is a commitment to building meaningful relationships, and an overriding desire to do chesed for one another.

 

I also came away from the experience realizing that people tend to confuse real happiness with temporary pleasure.   The line of reasoning is that happiness is dependent upon our ability to purchase comfort.  Yet, human experience teaches us that pleasure and happiness are two different things.  You can have all the pleasure you desire, yet still not be happy.

 

In the next column, part 3 I’ll discuss: Why Most Marriages Can Work

 

Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch, MA, is the Executive Director of Shalom Task Force and the author of an upcoming book about marriage called First Aid For Jewish Marriages. He maintains a practice in family counseling and is a popular lecturer on S.H.A.L.O.M. Workshop for Engaged Couples. To register for the workshop, visit www.shalomworkshop.org. You can e-mail questions to him at rabbischonbuch@yahoo.com.

About the Author: Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch, MA, Marriage and Family Therapy, is an expert in marriage counseling, pre-marital education, and helping teens in crisis with offices in Flatbush, Cedarhurst, and Crown Heights. He is a certified PAIRS instructor, and trained as a Level 1, Emotionally Focused Therapist at the Ackerman Institute for the Family, and is a member of AASECT. He is the author of At Risk – Never Beyond Reach and First Aid For Jewish Marriages. To watch his free videos on marriage and parenting and for appointments visit: www.JewishMarriageSupport.com or call 646-428-4723


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