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Part 23 – How Do You Relate To Money?


Schonbuch-Rabbi-Daniel

To help couples better understand where they stand on financial issues, here is a mini quiz that both partners can take and use to facilitate a discussion about money.

1. We talk about money regularly.

- True

- False

2. We have decided who will handle the bills after we marry.

- True

- False

3. I feel my future spouse manages his/her own money well.

- True

- False

4. I would feel comfortable if my future spouse made a purchase of $250 without telling me.

- True

- False

5. I feel my future spouse knows what my retirement dreams are.

- True

- False

6. I know how much debt and savings (including investments) my spouse is bringing into our marriage.

- True

- False

7. Between us, we have more than five credit cards.

- True

- False

8. I know how much my future spouse makes, and what percentage he/she is contributing to our 401 (k) plan at work.

- True

- False

9. I feel my spouse avoids sitting down and talking about money with me.

- True

- False

10. We have the same financial dreams.

- True

- False

11. I feel that my future spouse treats my money as if it’s his/her own.

- True

- False

12. I never talked about money with my parents.

- True

- False

13. I know how my future spouse would feel if I wanted to quit my job and start a business.

- True

- False

14. I would feel comfortable living off one salary if either my spouse or I wanted to quit his/her job.

- True

- False

15. When we talk about money, my spouse interrupts me often or dismisses my points of view.

- True

- False

16. I feel my future spouse is stingy.

- True

- False

17. We have a financial plan.

- True

- False

18. We’ve talked to a financial planner.

- True

- False

Scoring:

Give yourself one point if you answered True to questions 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, 10, 13, 15, 16, and 17, and one point if you answered False to 7, 9, 11, 12 and 14.

0 to 6 points:

There seems to be a low level of financial understanding between you. Make sure your future spouse takes this quiz and compare scores. If you see a significant difference in your scores, or if you both answered the same, but had low scores, that means you need major help on this important area of your life together. I suggest speaking to a marriage counselor or a halachic authority, and see if you can work toward a better understanding of each other’s perspectives on money.

7 to 12 points:

You and your future spouse have a few things to work out, but for the most part, you understand where each is coming from. Maybe you won’t see everything the same, but at least you’ve got enough in common that you can make it work.

13 to 18 points:

You seem to see eye-to-eye on most financial issues. There seems to be a lot of similarity in your outlook and attitudes. This shows that you’re on the right track. Keep talking, and keep sharing your responsibilities in financial planning. Your sense of responsibility shows that you know that financial planning is important.

Now that you’ve discussed your attitudes about money, it’s helpful to make a financial plan.

Next week, Part 24, Making A Monthly Budget

Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch, MA, is the Executive Director of Shalom Task Force and author of a “First Aid for Jewish Marriages.” To order a copy, visit www.JewishMarriageSupport.com. For more information about Shalom Task Force, please visit www.shalomtaskforce.org. You can e-mail questions to him at rabbischonbuch@yahoo.com.

About the Author: Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch, MA, Marriage and Family Therapy, is an expert in marriage counseling, pre-marital education, and helping teens in crisis with offices in Flatbush, Cedarhurst, and Crown Heights. He is a certified PAIRS instructor, and trained as a Level 1, Emotionally Focused Therapist at the Ackerman Institute for the Family, and is a member of AASECT. He is the author of At Risk – Never Beyond Reach and First Aid For Jewish Marriages. To watch his free videos on marriage and parenting and for appointments visit: www.JewishMarriageSupport.com or call 646-428-4723


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