web analytics
December 25, 2014 / 3 Tevet, 5775
 
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
8000 meals Celebrate Eight Days of Chanukah – With 8,000 Free Meals Daily to Israel’s Poor

Join Meir Panim’s campaign to “light up” Chanukah for families in need.



Reactions To ‘The Challenge Of Remarrying’

Respler-071213

Dear Dr. Yael:

I found your June 28 column, The Challenge Of Remarrying, to be very true. I too lost my husband and was encouraged by my married children to remarry. I was reluctant to do so, but since the man I was considering seeing was a friend who knew my husband and I had known his deceased wife, I felt there was a real potential. Thanks in great measure to my children’s pressure, we are very happy together.

Kudos for your answer. I agree that since we had both had good marriages, we knew what it takes to create a healthy marriage. In fact, along with our happy marriage, all of our married children get along well.

I understand the fear of remarrying, and what someone in that situation thinks he or she will have to sacrifice when doing so. I now realize that a person’s heart simply expands when experiencing love, and does not diminish the love one feels for anyone else. Being married helps take away the loneliness, as time indeed heals. I still love my late husband, but I do not let it interfere with my marriage. My love is for someone no longer here, and my job is to live life and continue to accumulate mitzvos. Being alone and unhappy is not conducive to both a life of helping others and one of happiness.

Since I have remarried, I feel as if I have a new lease on life. I can help my children and grandchildren and give to others because I am not self-needy. I still feel sad at times when I remember what I lost, but that sadness is more like a sweet sadness that is filled with memories.

Thank you for your column. I hope that people will listen to the ideas that you offer. Trust me, remarrying the right person is a good solution to what you are lacking.

A Fan

Dear Fan:

Thank you for sharing your experience with us. It is difficult to take the leap and attempt to forge a new relationship – but the rewards can be great. I applaud your bravery for having taken a chance once again at gaining happiness.

Although it is challenging, if one is zocheh to find the right person to share a life, it is prudent to try to remarry and find rejuvenation in your life.

Hatzlachah in your marriage and in all of your future endeavors!

Dear Dr. Yael:

As a regular reader of your column, I realize that you are very pro-marriage. But I was hurt inside while reading your column, The Challenge Of Remarrying.

I had a wonderful first marriage. My husband passed away at a relatively young age, and after marrying off my children I remarried.

My married children also encouraged me to remarry – but it was a disaster. Although I knew how to be married, my second husband did not. He was awful, and despite also being widowed, I wonder if he killed his wife emotionally.

Since I want to live a long, happy and healthy life, I decided to divorce him. This was not easy to do, since I was financially better off than him and thus did not require much monetary assistance from him. He also had the advantage of living in my mortgage-free home and enjoying the comforts of my Florida apartment during the winter months.

After trying to obtain money from me, he finally gave me a get. My experience propels me to offer one piece of advice to those marrying for the second time: make sure you get both a financial prenuptial agreement and a prenuptial agreement for a get. This will ensure that you do not make the same disastrous mistake that I did. Baruch Hashem, my son, an attorney, helped save me money for legal fees. By the end of the divorce process I did not lose too much money, but the aggravation surrounding this second marriage is hard for anyone to fathom. While I believe that people should give second marriages a chance, they should be careful about it by protecting themselves legally and halachically.

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous:

Thank you for sharing your difficult situation and wonderful advice. Having a halachically-accepted prenuptial agreement is very important, as it can save everyone a lot of heartache (even in a first marriage). If the couple strongly believes that they will have a great marriage, then it is harmless to have this prenuptial agreement, as it will almost surely never be needed for implementation.

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Reactions To ‘The Challenge Of Remarrying’”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
The 13th issue of Al Qaeda's 'Inspire' online English-language magazine.
Al Qaeda Urges ‘Lone Wolves’ via Magazine to Attack US Airliners
Latest Sections Stories
Schonfeld-logo1

When someone with a fixed mindset has a negative interaction with a friend or loved one, he or she immediately projects that rejection onto him or herself saying: “I’m unlovable.”

Respler-121914

How many potential shidduchim are not coming about because we, the mothers, are not allowing them to go through?

Is the Torah offering nechama by subtly hinting that death brings reunion with loved ones who preceded you?

She approached Holofernes and, with a sword concealed under her robe, severed his head.

Here are examples of games that need to be played by more than one person and an added bonus: they’re all Shabbos-friendly.

The incident was completely unforeseeable. The only term to describe the set of circumstances surrounding it is “freak occurrence.”

The first Chabad Center in Broward County, Chabad of South Broward, now runs nearly fifty programs and agencies. T

The NHS was also honored to have Bob Diener as keynote speaker.

Written with flowing language and engaging style, Attar weaves a spell that combines mystery, humor, adventure and Kabbalah in the most magical place in the world, the Old City of erusalem.

There are those who highlight the diversity of these different teachings, seeing each rebbe as teaching a separate path.

Rav Dynovisz will be speaking in Hebrew on Wednesday, January 7, at 7:30 p.m.

Rabbi Simeon Schreiber, senior chaplain at Mount Sinai Medical Center in Miami Beach, saw a small room in the hospital that was dark and dismal but could be used for Sabbath guests.

More Articles from Dr. Yael Respler
Respler-121914

How many potential shidduchim are not coming about because we, the mothers, are not allowing them to go through?

Respler-logo-NEW

I so desperately want to have a loving relationship with my stepsons.

Isn’t there anyone making a simcha who understands that loud music can cause hearing loss?

My mother thinks of herself as a superior person, has very little feelings for other people, and probably suffers from a deep lack of self-esteem.

Sometimes the most powerful countermove one can make when a person is screaming is to calmly say that her behavior is not helpful and then continue interacting with the rest of the family while ignoring the enraged person.

There are many people today with very little training who put out shingles and proclaim themselves to be marital coaches, shalom bayis helpers, advisers etc.

When one marries someone with children, all family members must accept them.

My mother-in-law is totally devoted to her daughters and their children. Her sons’ children on the other hand are treated like second-class citizens.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/marriage-relationships/reactions-to-the-challenge-of-remarrying/2013/07/12/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: