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September 21, 2014 / 26 Elul, 5774
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Reducing Controlling Behavior

Schonbuch-Rabbi-Daniel

To help this family, I aimed to reduce their use of external control. They needed to stop insulting one another and instead treat each other with respect. David was a “controller,” and the results, on an emotional level, were disastrous.

The lesson for marriage is that if we expect to be treated in a fair and loving manner, we need to be careful how we exercise control in our closest relationships. We also need to become sensitive to our spouse’s needs, and first and foremost, develop an attitude of respect for one another.

About the Author: Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch, MA, Marriage and Family Therapy, is an expert in marriage counseling, pre-marital education, and helping teens in crisis with offices in Flatbush, Cedarhurst, and Crown Heights. He is a certified PAIRS instructor, and trained as a Level 1, Emotionally Focused Therapist at the Ackerman Institute for the Family, and is a member of AASECT. He is the author of At Risk – Never Beyond Reach and First Aid For Jewish Marriages. To watch his free videos on marriage and parenting and for appointments visit: www.JewishMarriageSupport.com or call 646-428-4723


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Control may be the most destructive force influencing a marriage. Let me illustrate this point with the following story. About two years ago a woman named Bracha, 47, came to speak to me about her husband’s controlling behavior. This is how she described her precarious situation:

Controlling behavior may be the number one reason that your marriage needs first aid.

If you are unfamiliar with the topic of control, it’s no surprise. Most people are unaware that control is a major issue for counselors, therapists and psychologists-at-large.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/marriage-relationships/reducing-controlling-behavior/2013/05/09/

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