web analytics
December 26, 2014 / 4 Tevet, 5775
 
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
8000 meals Celebrate Eight Days of Chanukah – With 8,000 Free Meals Daily to Israel’s Poor

Join Meir Panim’s campaign to “light up” Chanukah for families in need.



Respecting Our Children: A Reader Reacts

Respler-Yael

Dear Dr. Yael:

Thank you for your February 7 column, “Respecting Our Children,” in which A Reader wrote, “Although some readers may roll their eyes while reading my letter, the problem I’ve addressed hurts my children and me.” I am also a mother with a large young family who lives in a frum neighborhood where the stores are very close to our home. Two of my nine children, 12- and 13-year-old daughters, have also had people cut in front of them on line at the bakery and grocery.

My girls help me very much with my other children. Baruch Hashem, my husband and I have a great marriage. He is a great father, but works very hard running his business (earning a good parnassah), and tries to learn twice a day while always davening with a minyan. As a result of his busy schedule, the burden of running the house and caring for the children falls largely on my shoulders. After reading your column, I decided to implement some of the ideas you suggested.

I generally try to make lists of orders and to have all the food delivered to our house. I attempt to put all the food items needed (e.g., challah) on the list, negating the necessity for my daughters to shop for me on erev Shabbos. But in the event that I leave something off the list and my daughters need to go shopping, we role-play – as you suggested – how they should handle the situation if someone cuts in front of them. They loved the idea of saying, with derech eretz, “Excuse me, but I am sure that you don’t realize that I am next in line.”

About two weeks agoon a Thursday night, I was up almost all night with the baby.  When the baby finally fell asleep, so did I – and when I woke up at 10 a.m., the baby was still asleep and my wonderful husband had gotten all the children off to school.  He also sent me a text forbidding me to bake challah for Shabbos, as he knew how tired I was. He wanted me to buy the challah instead.

After completing my Shabbos preparations, my oldest daughter volunteered to pick up challah from the local bakery. Before leaving, she said smilingly, “Don’t worry, Mommy, I will not let anyone cut in front of me. I know all of Dr. Yael’s techniques and I will tell the people in front of me, with derech eretz, that it is my turn.” She was home in fifteen minutes – with a big smile on her face.

I asked my excited daughter what happened. She said, “Mommy, you would not believe how it worked. I was next in line at the bakery and a woman behind me who was talking on her cell phone just cut in front of me and gave her order. I said in a really nice tone, ‘Excuse me, I am not sure you realize it but I was next in line.’

“The woman was embarrassed and quiet, and I gave my order. The non-Jewish lady who served me smiled at me, and, in broken English, said, ‘You are a good girl and I am giving you two special cookies for free. Which do you want?’ I guess she liked the way I spoke to the lady who tried to cut in front of me. I pointed to my favorite cookies, the ones with the chocolate cream swirl on top, and she gave them to me with a smile. And she wished me a happy Shabbos.”

My daughter concluded by saying, “Mommy, I feel so good. I feel strong and I am so happy.”

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Respecting Our Children: A Reader Reacts”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Ayala Shapira, 11, is fighting for her life after suffering burn wounds when an Arab terrorist threw a Molotov cocktail at the car in which she was riding.
‘Slight Improvement’ in Life-threatening Condition of Firebomb Victim
Latest Sections Stories
Collecting-History-logo

An incredible child protégé and a world chess champion, Boris Spassky (1937- ), best known for his “Match of the Century” loss in Reykjavík to Fischer, will always be inexorably tied to the latter.

book-super-secret-diary

Who hasn’t experienced how hard it can be to fit in?

In our times, most of us when we pray, our minds are on something else-it is hard to focus all the time.

The participants discussed the rich Jewish-Hungarian heritage, including that two-thirds of the fourteen Hungarian Nobel Prize winners have Jewish origin.

Today’s smiles are in the merit of my friend and I made a conscious effort to smile throughout the day.

When someone with a fixed mindset has a negative interaction with a friend or loved one, he or she immediately projects that rejection onto him or herself saying: “I’m unlovable.”

How many potential shidduchim are not coming about because we, the mothers, are not allowing them to go through?

Is the Torah offering nechama by subtly hinting that death brings reunion with loved ones who preceded you?

She approached Holofernes and, with a sword concealed under her robe, severed his head.

Here are examples of games that need to be played by more than one person and an added bonus: they’re all Shabbos-friendly.

The incident was completely unforeseeable. The only term to describe the set of circumstances surrounding it is “freak occurrence.”

The first Chabad Center in Broward County, Chabad of South Broward, now runs nearly fifty programs and agencies. T

More Articles from Dr. Yael Respler
Respler-121914

How many potential shidduchim are not coming about because we, the mothers, are not allowing them to go through?

Respler-logo-NEW

I so desperately want to have a loving relationship with my stepsons.

Isn’t there anyone making a simcha who understands that loud music can cause hearing loss?

My mother thinks of herself as a superior person, has very little feelings for other people, and probably suffers from a deep lack of self-esteem.

Sometimes the most powerful countermove one can make when a person is screaming is to calmly say that her behavior is not helpful and then continue interacting with the rest of the family while ignoring the enraged person.

There are many people today with very little training who put out shingles and proclaim themselves to be marital coaches, shalom bayis helpers, advisers etc.

When one marries someone with children, all family members must accept them.

My mother-in-law is totally devoted to her daughters and their children. Her sons’ children on the other hand are treated like second-class citizens.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/marriage-relationships/respecting-our-children-a-reader-reacts/2014/02/21/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: