web analytics
March 28, 2015 / 8 Nisan, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post


Respecting Our Children: A Reader Reacts

Respler-Yael

Dear Dr. Yael:

Thank you for your February 7 column, “Respecting Our Children,” in which A Reader wrote, “Although some readers may roll their eyes while reading my letter, the problem I’ve addressed hurts my children and me.” I am also a mother with a large young family who lives in a frum neighborhood where the stores are very close to our home. Two of my nine children, 12- and 13-year-old daughters, have also had people cut in front of them on line at the bakery and grocery.

My girls help me very much with my other children. Baruch Hashem, my husband and I have a great marriage. He is a great father, but works very hard running his business (earning a good parnassah), and tries to learn twice a day while always davening with a minyan. As a result of his busy schedule, the burden of running the house and caring for the children falls largely on my shoulders. After reading your column, I decided to implement some of the ideas you suggested.

I generally try to make lists of orders and to have all the food delivered to our house. I attempt to put all the food items needed (e.g., challah) on the list, negating the necessity for my daughters to shop for me on erev Shabbos. But in the event that I leave something off the list and my daughters need to go shopping, we role-play – as you suggested – how they should handle the situation if someone cuts in front of them. They loved the idea of saying, with derech eretz, “Excuse me, but I am sure that you don’t realize that I am next in line.”

About two weeks agoon a Thursday night, I was up almost all night with the baby.  When the baby finally fell asleep, so did I – and when I woke up at 10 a.m., the baby was still asleep and my wonderful husband had gotten all the children off to school.  He also sent me a text forbidding me to bake challah for Shabbos, as he knew how tired I was. He wanted me to buy the challah instead.

After completing my Shabbos preparations, my oldest daughter volunteered to pick up challah from the local bakery. Before leaving, she said smilingly, “Don’t worry, Mommy, I will not let anyone cut in front of me. I know all of Dr. Yael’s techniques and I will tell the people in front of me, with derech eretz, that it is my turn.” She was home in fifteen minutes – with a big smile on her face.

I asked my excited daughter what happened. She said, “Mommy, you would not believe how it worked. I was next in line at the bakery and a woman behind me who was talking on her cell phone just cut in front of me and gave her order. I said in a really nice tone, ‘Excuse me, I am not sure you realize it but I was next in line.’

“The woman was embarrassed and quiet, and I gave my order. The non-Jewish lady who served me smiled at me, and, in broken English, said, ‘You are a good girl and I am giving you two special cookies for free. Which do you want?’ I guess she liked the way I spoke to the lady who tried to cut in front of me. I pointed to my favorite cookies, the ones with the chocolate cream swirl on top, and she gave them to me with a smile. And she wished me a happy Shabbos.”

My daughter concluded by saying, “Mommy, I feel so good. I feel strong and I am so happy.”

Dr. Yael, people always write to you about their problems and sometimes complain to you about your ideas. But I think you are amazing, and that this column was powerful. I’m grateful to The Jewish Press and to you for publishing it. And as you always write: hatzlachah!

A Fan

 

Dear Fan:

Thank you for your lovely and positive letter. Although I had input in part of the answer, my daughter, Dr. Orit Respler-Herman, was the one who actually came up with the idea of role- playing and added the suggestion of what parents should teach their children to say when someone cuts in front of them.

My 11-year-old son, who told me that older people always cut in front of him, also loved this idea. Exercising our suggestion, he now reports that no one cuts in front of him when he runs errands for me.

You seem to have a great attitude with outstanding organizational skills – as well as a wonderful husband. This certainly makes life’s challenges much easier. I wish you hatzlachah as you raise your special family!

About the Author: Letters may be emailed to deardryael@aol.com. To schedule an appointment, please call 917-751-4887.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Respecting Our Children: A Reader Reacts”

Comments are closed.

Current Top Story
Aftermath of Saudi air strike on Yemen.
Yemeni President Tells Arab League Houthis Must ‘Surrender or Else’ [video]
Latest Sections Stories
Neuman-Rabbi-M-Gary

Are we allowed to lie for shalom bayis? It would seem so, but what might be a healthy guideline for when it’s okay and when it’s not?

book-To-Fill-The-Sky-With-Stars

The connection between what I experienced as a high school teenager and the adult I am today did not come easy to me.

Respler-032715

Isn’t therapy about being yourself; aren’t there different ways for people to communicate with each other?

South-Florida-logo

Jack was awarded a blue and gold first-place trophy, appropriately topped off with a golden bee.

Participating in ManiCures during the school day may feel like a break from learning, but the intended message to the students was loud and clear. Learning and chesed come in all forms, and can be fun.

Building campaign chairman Jack Gluck has led the effort over many years.

When using an extension cord always make sure to use the correct rated extension cord.

There was no question that when Mrs. Cohen entered the room to meet the teacher she was hostile from the outset.

Szold was among the founders and leaders (she served on its executive committee) of Ichud (“Unity”), a political group that campaigned against the creation of an independent, sovereign Jewish state in Eretz Yisrael.

My friend is a strong and capable Jewish woman, but she acted with a passivity that seemed out of character.

“If you don’t stand straight, you’ll never get a husband.”

First, sit down with your helpers and a pen and paper and break the jobs down into small parts.

More Articles from Dr. Yael Respler
Respler-032715

Isn’t therapy about being yourself; aren’t there different ways for people to communicate with each other?

Respler-032015

I believe that Hashem will only bring Moshiach when we finally achieve achdus.

I love my husband dearly and I do everything to make him happy.

Men and women have different roles to play in marriages and as parents.

The husband needs to make some changes!

Whenever he did anything loving for me, I made a big deal about it.

She says that they are our children and since she brings in half, or sometimes more than half of our parnassah, we need to be full partners in their chinuch.

I surprise my wife with gifts, large and small.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/marriage-relationships/respecting-our-children-a-reader-reacts/2014/02/21/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: