web analytics
December 20, 2014 / 28 Kislev, 5775
 
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
8000 meals Celebrate Eight Days of Chanukah – With 8,000 Free Meals Daily to Israel’s Poor

Join Meir Panim’s campaign to “light up” Chanukah for families in need.



Respecting Our Children

Respler-020714

Dear Dr. Yael:

I am a young mother with a large family, including a 12-year-old daughter and an 11-year-old son who are very helpful to me – that includes helping me with their younger siblings.

As we live near a main shopping area, I often send them on Erev Shabbos errands to the bakery and other kosher stores. It bothers me that they sometimes come home upset because they had to wait on line longer than necessary when people cut in front of them.

Why is it that some adults feel a child’s time is not as precious as theirs? Even when my respectful and well-behaved children say, “Excuse me” and explain that they were in front of them, the adults tend to ignore them.

A child, and his or her time, should be respected – and never ignored. I can say that because of my children’s experiences, I make sure to never do this to other children.

When adults cut in front of my child, they are stealing from her and me, as her delay in returning home affords me less help. It also makes them feel as if they don’t matter – their time is not as important. So besides the time they force the children to waste by having to stand in lines for no justified reason, these adults are hurting the children emotionally. They should understand that children feel bad when they are taken advantage of.

Although some readers may roll their eyes while reading my letter, the problem I’ve addressed hurts my children and me.

Please alert your readers to this problem. Thank you.

A Reader

Dear Reader:

Thank you for addressing an important issue.

It’s unfortunate that your very special and respectful children, who help you so much, are struggling in a world that is regrettably permeated with too much chutzpah. Hopefully, you will reap the benefits of raising such children.

I suggest that you listen to your children’s expressed feelings and empathize with them. Convey your admiration to them for the help they provide to you and emphasize that you understand how difficult it is for them to be treated in this manner. Teach them to stand up for themselves with derech eretz. While your children attempt to look after themselves, you should role-play with them pertaining to things they might say in a given situation. This will add to their confidence level. For example, teach them to say “Excuse me, while I am sure that you don’t realize it, I am next in line.”

While remaining respectful, they should utter your taught script in a loud and clear voice so they will be heard and taken seriously. Stress that there will always be some people who will try to ignore them and cut before them no matter what. But most individuals will respond positively to a child who stands up for himself or herself in a confident manner. Your support and compassion will help your children feel better about having to deal with this situation.

Another idea to consider is to speak with the store workers where you send your kids to shop and ask them to look out for your children. This will give the workers more awareness that some shoppers are not adhering to your children’s reasonable request. You can also spare your children’s feelings and save them and you precious time by calling in your order the day before they are scheduled to shop for you. Your children can thus mention their last name, pick up the packages, and leave the store. This will preclude them from having to wait on line.

An important lesson for all is that children should always respect their elders – but that children also need to feel respected. In fact, the adults should set the example of teaching respect by practicing it when relating to children. From a very young age, children learn to imitate the older children and adults around them. We need to realize that children tend to look at those around them for cues on how to behave. If the klal learns to treat each other with derech eretz, the next generation will likely learn from its example.

Thank you for alerting Jewish Press readers about this issue. Hatzlachah!

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Respecting Our Children”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Posted to Twitter in Ferguson, MO by St. Louis County Police: "Bricks thrown at police, 2 police cars burned, gun seized by police. Tonight was disappointing."  Their motto is, "To protect and serve."
Prosecutor in Ferguson Case: ‘Witnesses Lied Under Oath’
Latest Sections Stories
Games-121914

Here are examples of games that need to be played by more than one person and an added bonus: they’re all Shabbos-friendly.

South-Florida-logo

The incident was completely unforeseeable. The only term to describe the set of circumstances surrounding it is “freak occurrence.”

South-Florida-logo

The first Chabad Center in Broward County, Chabad of South Broward, now runs nearly fifty programs and agencies. T

The NHS was also honored to have Bob Diener as keynote speaker.

Written with flowing language and engaging style, Attar weaves a spell that combines mystery, humor, adventure and Kabbalah in the most magical place in the world, the Old City of erusalem.

There are those who highlight the diversity of these different teachings, seeing each rebbe as teaching a separate path.

Rav Dynovisz will be speaking in Hebrew on Wednesday, January 7, at 7:30 p.m.

Rabbi Simeon Schreiber, senior chaplain at Mount Sinai Medical Center in Miami Beach, saw a small room in the hospital that was dark and dismal but could be used for Sabbath guests.

“The secret to a good donut is using quality ingredients and the ability to be patient and give them time to proof.”

I so desperately want to have a loving relationship with my stepsons.

The Liberty Bell is a symbol of American Independence.

Because you can’t have kids pouring huge jugs of oil into tiny glasses, unless you want to turn your house into an environmental disaster.

Try these with your kids; there’s something for every age group and once all the recipes are made, dinner will be ready!

You children will build the country and you will help restore Israel to her former glory.

More Articles from Dr. Yael Respler
Respler-logo-NEW

I so desperately want to have a loving relationship with my stepsons.

Respler-logo-NEW

Isn’t there anyone making a simcha who understands that loud music can cause hearing loss?

My mother thinks of herself as a superior person, has very little feelings for other people, and probably suffers from a deep lack of self-esteem.

Sometimes the most powerful countermove one can make when a person is screaming is to calmly say that her behavior is not helpful and then continue interacting with the rest of the family while ignoring the enraged person.

There are many people today with very little training who put out shingles and proclaim themselves to be marital coaches, shalom bayis helpers, advisers etc.

When one marries someone with children, all family members must accept them.

My mother-in-law is totally devoted to her daughters and their children. Her sons’ children on the other hand are treated like second-class citizens.

How can I help my wife learn to say “no,” and understand that her first priority must be her husband and family?

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/marriage-relationships/respecting-our-children/2014/02/07/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: