web analytics
April 25, 2015 / 6 Iyar, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post


Saving Your Marriage Before It’s Too Late

Respler-110113

Dear Dr. Yael:

After two years of marriage I can honestly say it is not what I thought it would be. While things started out smoothly, I feel as if my marriage could be better.

Let me explain: I want my husband to compliment the dinners I prepare or something nice that I did for him, but it does not happen very often. I also wish my husband would understand me better. After all, we have been together for two years. Shouldn’t he know who I am and what I need? Perhaps this is unrealistic, but I always dreamed of having a good marriage. Lately, though, I feel as if we are struggling. We do not have a bad marriage; rather it is more of an OK marriage, falling short of my expectations.

I feel insecure about my appearance since the birth of our first child, and since I am always tired, I know that my mood is not always great. This does not make it any easier on my husband. I am trying hard to be a good wife – and I want to be appreciated for my efforts. I also wish to improve our communication, but do not know how to go about making these changes. I want to fix things before they worsen – and, chas v’shalom, get out of hand. We used to have a spark in our marriage, but since our baby was born things have dimmed.

How can I better convey my feelings to my husband and feel more secure? What can I do to get the spark back?

A New Mom Wishing to Reignite the Spark

Dear New Mom:

Thank you for your honest letter. You seem to be a very insightful young woman who understands that marriage is not easy.

As you insinuated, marriage is hard work and not always fun and exciting. And having children definitely changes the marriage dynamic. Both parents are usually sleep deprived and a new mother’s hormones are often raging, making for a complicated mix. Thus the first thing I would recommend is for you and your husband to create extra time for yourselves. Going out together will do wonders for that dimmed spark, as you will be able to just enjoy each other’s company without all of life’s daily distractions. Make sure to keep things light when you’re out together, and maximize that limited time by participating in fun and mutually enjoyable activities.

Also, dress up if it makes you feel more attractive. That will go a long way toward making your husband feel special. Remind him how special you would feel if he expressed his appreciation for your efforts to look your best for him. Hopefully he’ll remember to compliment you when you go out, starting the night on the right foot. Dressing up to look your best may also help put the spark back into your marriage, as your self-esteem will rise when your husband sees the “old you.” This can kick-start his attraction to you.

It is very important to communicate your feelings in a relaxed atmosphere. While it is not easy for a wife to talk to her husband about her insecurities and overall feelings, sharing them will accomplish two very important things. First, by sharing your intimate feelings with your husband, the two of you will immediately feel closer to each other. This closeness will help build a stronger relationship.

Second, you will be helping your husband understand your current needs and why his usual “thanks for dinner, what’s for dessert?” is not the most appreciated response. Once you express your feelings, the two of you can devise a game plan for the future. Perhaps you can create a secret word that will serve as a reminder to him that you need his warmth and compliments while reminding you to not be moody or oversensitive.

The two of you should pay three compliments a day to each other, making both of you feel better about your relationship. While this may seem superficial, it will help you get back into the habit and go a long way in making you both feel more special. Being mutually positive and complimentary will then become second nature.

About the Author: Letters may be emailed to deardryael@aol.com. To schedule an appointment, please call 917-751-4887.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Saving Your Marriage Before It’s Too Late”

Comments are closed.

Current Top Story
"Killing Jews is worship that draws us closer to Allah." That's his Jihad. What's yours? - An ad campaign sponsored by  the American Freedom Defense Initiative.
MTA Hopes to Change Rule, Ban ‘Killing Jews’ Anti-Jihad Ad
Latest Sections Stories
Food-Talk---Eller-logo

“People who never buy cookbooks are getting this one,” said Victoria. “They read it cover to cover and find it so interesting.”

South-Florida-logo

We have recently witnessed how other minorities deal with even perceived danger aimed at their brothers and sisters. They respond in great numbers.

South-Florida-logo

The Hebrew Academy students took part in all categories and used successful and innovative techniques to achieve their goals.

“The objective behind establishing small communities as places for relocation was a remedy for the excessive cost of housing and education in the large New York metropolitan market,” Mr. Savitsky explained.

Jewish Democrats did not entirely trust the son of Joseph Kennedy, a man broadly considered to be both anti-Semitic and pro-Nazi.

The teenage years are not about surviving. They are about thriving.

Every moment was a gift. I held each one, savoring.

We arrived in Auschwitz on Thursday, January 30, 2014. My seminary was taking us to see where the prisoners were kept. When we got there, I stepped off the bus in complete and total silence. I was in the back, and when we got to the gate I hesitated and started shaking uncontrollably. I couldn’t […]

From the moment Israel was declared a Jewish state, it has been the subject of controversy and struggle.

Now that Pesach is over, we return you to your regularly-scheduled pressing questions:   Dear Mordechai, Can I use a nose hair trimmer during Sefirah? Harry Lipman   Dear Harry, Yes, as long as your nose hairs are so bad that they’re affecting your job. Like if you have a desk job, and they interfere […]

It is very natural for kids to want attention and to be jealous of each other, especially when there is a new baby.

During the Second World War, a million and a half Jewish soldiers fought in the Allied armies, the Partisan units in Eastern Europe, and the anti-fascist underground movements in Western Europe and North Africa. These Jewish fighters won over 200,000 medals and citations. The Museum of the Jewish Soldier in World War II in Latrun, […]

The 2-day real estate event will take place in Brooklyn on April 26 and 27.

More Articles from Dr. Yael Respler
Respler-041715

It is very natural for kids to want attention and to be jealous of each other, especially when there is a new baby.

Respler-040315

How can you expect people who go through such gehenom to even know how to give warmth and love?

Isn’t therapy about being yourself; aren’t there different ways for people to communicate with each other?

I believe that Hashem will only bring Moshiach when we finally achieve achdus.

I love my husband dearly and I do everything to make him happy.

Men and women have different roles to play in marriages and as parents.

The husband needs to make some changes!

Whenever he did anything loving for me, I made a big deal about it.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/marriage-relationships/saving-your-marriage-before-its-too-late/2013/11/01/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: