web analytics
May 23, 2015 / 5 Sivan, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post


Saving Your Marriage Before It’s Too Late

Respler-110113

Dear Dr. Yael:

After two years of marriage I can honestly say it is not what I thought it would be. While things started out smoothly, I feel as if my marriage could be better.

Let me explain: I want my husband to compliment the dinners I prepare or something nice that I did for him, but it does not happen very often. I also wish my husband would understand me better. After all, we have been together for two years. Shouldn’t he know who I am and what I need? Perhaps this is unrealistic, but I always dreamed of having a good marriage. Lately, though, I feel as if we are struggling. We do not have a bad marriage; rather it is more of an OK marriage, falling short of my expectations.

I feel insecure about my appearance since the birth of our first child, and since I am always tired, I know that my mood is not always great. This does not make it any easier on my husband. I am trying hard to be a good wife – and I want to be appreciated for my efforts. I also wish to improve our communication, but do not know how to go about making these changes. I want to fix things before they worsen – and, chas v’shalom, get out of hand. We used to have a spark in our marriage, but since our baby was born things have dimmed.

How can I better convey my feelings to my husband and feel more secure? What can I do to get the spark back?

A New Mom Wishing to Reignite the Spark

Dear New Mom:

Thank you for your honest letter. You seem to be a very insightful young woman who understands that marriage is not easy.

As you insinuated, marriage is hard work and not always fun and exciting. And having children definitely changes the marriage dynamic. Both parents are usually sleep deprived and a new mother’s hormones are often raging, making for a complicated mix. Thus the first thing I would recommend is for you and your husband to create extra time for yourselves. Going out together will do wonders for that dimmed spark, as you will be able to just enjoy each other’s company without all of life’s daily distractions. Make sure to keep things light when you’re out together, and maximize that limited time by participating in fun and mutually enjoyable activities.

Also, dress up if it makes you feel more attractive. That will go a long way toward making your husband feel special. Remind him how special you would feel if he expressed his appreciation for your efforts to look your best for him. Hopefully he’ll remember to compliment you when you go out, starting the night on the right foot. Dressing up to look your best may also help put the spark back into your marriage, as your self-esteem will rise when your husband sees the “old you.” This can kick-start his attraction to you.

It is very important to communicate your feelings in a relaxed atmosphere. While it is not easy for a wife to talk to her husband about her insecurities and overall feelings, sharing them will accomplish two very important things. First, by sharing your intimate feelings with your husband, the two of you will immediately feel closer to each other. This closeness will help build a stronger relationship.

Second, you will be helping your husband understand your current needs and why his usual “thanks for dinner, what’s for dessert?” is not the most appreciated response. Once you express your feelings, the two of you can devise a game plan for the future. Perhaps you can create a secret word that will serve as a reminder to him that you need his warmth and compliments while reminding you to not be moody or oversensitive.

The two of you should pay three compliments a day to each other, making both of you feel better about your relationship. While this may seem superficial, it will help you get back into the habit and go a long way in making you both feel more special. Being mutually positive and complimentary will then become second nature.

About the Author: Letters may be emailed to deardryael@aol.com. To schedule an appointment, please call 917-751-4887.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Saving Your Marriage Before It’s Too Late”

Comments are closed.

Current Top Story
Tzipi Hotovely, new Deputy Foreign Minister.
Foreign Minister Hotovely: Tell the World ‘God Gave Israel to the Jews’
Latest Sections Stories
Schonfeld-logo1

To what extent is your child displaying defiance?

Respler-052215

This therapist kept focusing on how “I could do better,” never on how we could make the marriage work.

South-Florida-logo

Mistrust that has lingered after the fiasco in Ferguson, Missouri, has edged the issue forward.

“The observance of a kosher diet is a key tenet of Judaism, and one which no state has the right to deny,” said Nathan Diament, executive director for public policy of the Orthodox Union.

Two weeks of intense learning in the classroom about Israel culminated with Yom Ha’Atzmaut. Students attended sessions with their teachers and learned about history, culture, military power, advocacy, slang, cooking, and more.

The nations of the world left the vessel to sit rotting in the water during one of the coldest winters in decades and with its starving and freezing passengers abandoned.

Rabbi Yisroel Edelman, the synagogue’s spiritual leader, declared, “The Young Israel of Deerfield Beach is looking forward to our partnership with the OU. The impact the OU has brought to Jewish communities throughout the country through its outreach and educational resources is enormous and we anticipate the same for our community in Deerfield Beach as well.”

Our goal here is to offer you recipes that you can make on Yom Tov with ingredients you might just have in the house. Enjoy and chag sameach!

Gardening can be a healthy, wholesome activity for the whole family.

Unfortunately, the probability is that he will not see a reason to change as he has been acting this way for a long time and clearly has some issues with respecting women.

All of these small changes work their way into the framework of the elephant and the rider because they are helping the elephant move forward.

It’s hard not to be intrigued by recipes with names like Thanksgiving Stuffing Soup, Braised Chicken with Rhubarb Gravy and Vidalia Onion Fritters with Sambal Yogurt Dip.

More Articles from Dr. Yael Respler
Respler-052215

This therapist kept focusing on how “I could do better,” never on how we could make the marriage work.

Respler-051515

Unfortunately, the probability is that he will not see a reason to change as he has been acting this way for a long time and clearly has some issues with respecting women.

Returning to visit my family for Yom Tov has become torturous for me.

Someone close to us knew that you were good at saving marriages and begged us to give therapy one last chance,

My mother-in-law and I have had our problems since the beginning of my marriage.

It is very natural for kids to want attention and to be jealous of each other, especially when there is a new baby.

How can you expect people who go through such gehenom to even know how to give warmth and love?

Isn’t therapy about being yourself; aren’t there different ways for people to communicate with each other?

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/marriage-relationships/saving-your-marriage-before-its-too-late/2013/11/01/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: