web analytics
March 27, 2015 / 7 Nisan, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post


Saving Your Marriage Before It’s Too Late

Respler-110113

Dear Dr. Yael:

After two years of marriage I can honestly say it is not what I thought it would be. While things started out smoothly, I feel as if my marriage could be better.

Let me explain: I want my husband to compliment the dinners I prepare or something nice that I did for him, but it does not happen very often. I also wish my husband would understand me better. After all, we have been together for two years. Shouldn’t he know who I am and what I need? Perhaps this is unrealistic, but I always dreamed of having a good marriage. Lately, though, I feel as if we are struggling. We do not have a bad marriage; rather it is more of an OK marriage, falling short of my expectations.

I feel insecure about my appearance since the birth of our first child, and since I am always tired, I know that my mood is not always great. This does not make it any easier on my husband. I am trying hard to be a good wife – and I want to be appreciated for my efforts. I also wish to improve our communication, but do not know how to go about making these changes. I want to fix things before they worsen – and, chas v’shalom, get out of hand. We used to have a spark in our marriage, but since our baby was born things have dimmed.

How can I better convey my feelings to my husband and feel more secure? What can I do to get the spark back?

A New Mom Wishing to Reignite the Spark

Dear New Mom:

Thank you for your honest letter. You seem to be a very insightful young woman who understands that marriage is not easy.

As you insinuated, marriage is hard work and not always fun and exciting. And having children definitely changes the marriage dynamic. Both parents are usually sleep deprived and a new mother’s hormones are often raging, making for a complicated mix. Thus the first thing I would recommend is for you and your husband to create extra time for yourselves. Going out together will do wonders for that dimmed spark, as you will be able to just enjoy each other’s company without all of life’s daily distractions. Make sure to keep things light when you’re out together, and maximize that limited time by participating in fun and mutually enjoyable activities.

Also, dress up if it makes you feel more attractive. That will go a long way toward making your husband feel special. Remind him how special you would feel if he expressed his appreciation for your efforts to look your best for him. Hopefully he’ll remember to compliment you when you go out, starting the night on the right foot. Dressing up to look your best may also help put the spark back into your marriage, as your self-esteem will rise when your husband sees the “old you.” This can kick-start his attraction to you.

It is very important to communicate your feelings in a relaxed atmosphere. While it is not easy for a wife to talk to her husband about her insecurities and overall feelings, sharing them will accomplish two very important things. First, by sharing your intimate feelings with your husband, the two of you will immediately feel closer to each other. This closeness will help build a stronger relationship.

Second, you will be helping your husband understand your current needs and why his usual “thanks for dinner, what’s for dessert?” is not the most appreciated response. Once you express your feelings, the two of you can devise a game plan for the future. Perhaps you can create a secret word that will serve as a reminder to him that you need his warmth and compliments while reminding you to not be moody or oversensitive.

The two of you should pay three compliments a day to each other, making both of you feel better about your relationship. While this may seem superficial, it will help you get back into the habit and go a long way in making you both feel more special. Being mutually positive and complimentary will then become second nature.

About the Author: Letters may be emailed to deardryael@aol.com. To schedule an appointment, please call 917-751-4887.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Saving Your Marriage Before It’s Too Late”

Comments are closed.

Current Top Story
Republican Sen. Kirk at Senate debate on pro-sanctions amendment.
Senate Warns Obama by 100-0 Vote for Pro-Sanctions Amendment
Latest Sections Stories
Baim-032015

First, sit down with your helpers and a pen and paper and break the jobs down into small parts.

Food-Talk---Eller-logo

Kitchen surfing is a unique concept that brings professional chefs to your home to prepare a meal in your own kitchen.

A lot of people have heard about dyslexia, a learning disability that concerns reading.

I believe that Hashem will only bring Moshiach when we finally achieve achdus.

He always impressed me with his brilliance and erudition. But it was his warm remarks and his sincere concern that made me want to please him.

Often I open Haggadot and find depictions of the Makos or slavery that I find troubling for a young audience.

Because birth order can affect most children in similar fashion, there are things you can do to help your children overcome weaknesses that birth order has thrown their way.

There’s so much he could do
Resources are not few
He refuses to end all
His SILENCE.

Playing a musical instrument can help build faith in yourself as you observe yourself do something splendidly.

The task of studying Latin may not be a worthy endeavor to most of the population, but for those who plan on going into medicine or law it may not be such a bad idea.

More Articles from Dr. Yael Respler
Respler-032015

I believe that Hashem will only bring Moshiach when we finally achieve achdus.

Respler-logo-NEW

I love my husband dearly and I do everything to make him happy.

Men and women have different roles to play in marriages and as parents.

The husband needs to make some changes!

Whenever he did anything loving for me, I made a big deal about it.

She says that they are our children and since she brings in half, or sometimes more than half of our parnassah, we need to be full partners in their chinuch.

I surprise my wife with gifts, large and small.

They are like children keeping count of who changed how many diapers each day.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/marriage-relationships/saving-your-marriage-before-its-too-late/2013/11/01/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: