web analytics
July 25, 2014 / 27 Tammuz, 5774
Israel at War: Operation Protective Edge
 
 
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
IDC Advocacy Room IDC Fights War on Another Front

Student Union opens ‘hasbara’ room in effort to fill public diplomacy vacuum.



Seeking Help From Abuse

Respler-Yael

Dear Dr. Yael:

After reading your April 18 column, “To Remarry Or Not To Remarry: That Is The Question,” I wish to share my story.

I am now happily remarried with a great mishpacha after getting divorced just a few months into my first marriage. However, while I support your encouragement to others to stay in their marriages, not all marriages are salvageable. My first marriage is such an example.

I married after a few dates, but quickly realized that my husband was mentally ill and emotionally abusive. I knew that I could never build a home with him. The advice I received to muster the courage to divorce him before we had children was invaluable. My experience should be a lesson to all: it is better to dissolve a marriage right away if you see major issues in your spouse. If not, future children will suffer terribly as a result of your spouse’s problems.

Regarding the aforementioned column, the couple seemingly should have never divorced, and should marry each other again. But I say “seemingly” because we don’t know the particulars, and every situation is different.

Based on my experience, here’s my advice: everyone must do extensive research before marrying, and if they unexpectedly encounter unsalvageable problems they should end the marriage. Thank you for listening.

A Happily Remarried Person  

Dear Happily Remarried Person:

You obviously made the right decision to leave your mentally ill and emotionally abusive husband.

That being said, I wish to share with you Shalom Task Force’s impressive work in our community. Its work is often targeted toward young women in high school, while also helping the general population deal with issues of abuse. I urge people in an abusive relationship to consider seeking its services.

Shalom Task Force writes:

In an abusive relationship the abusive spouse believes that he is entitled to be in control of his spouse in every way important to him, and will use a variety of tactics to gain and maintain that control. While most people think that it isn’t abuse if there is no physical violence, the reality is that she can be afraid of what her spouse might do, in any number of ways, even if she is not actually afraid that he will be physically violent.

The following is a list of the different types of tactics that abusers use. This is only a partial list, but recognizing several of these tactics in your own relationship can help you start to name what is going on – things that until now might have been confusing to you.

Control Through Isolation

Does your spouse (try to) prevent you from spending time with friends or family by

aggressively preventing you from doing so or by subtly making it difficult for you (picking a fight, acting miserable when everyone gets together so you don’t even want to, embarrassing you so that you don’t feel it’s worth it, etc.)?

Does your spouse watch your every move?

Does your spouse call you several times a day to check up on you?

Does your spouse force you to account for your time?

Does your spouse expect you to only do things, go to places and get together with people he approves of?

Has your spouse tried to undermine your attempts at schooling or working?

Control Through Finances

Are you on a strict budget while your spouse is not? Must you account for every penny?

Does your spouse harass you over all of your expenses? Are you questioned endlessly about this? Does he expect to make financial decisions as he sees fit?

Must you hand over any money you earn, but don’t have access to it except for whatever amount your husband decides to give you?

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Seeking Help From Abuse”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Hip Hop musicians Kosha Dillz and Diwon created "No More War" in response to the current conflict.
Hip Hop Artists Create Song About Gaza-Israel War (VIDEO)
Latest Sections Stories
WC-072514-TCLA

“You Touro graduates are automatically soldiers in [Israel’s] struggle, and we count on you,” Rothstein told the graduates.

A-Night-Out-logo

The lemonana was something else. Never had we seen a green drink look so enticing.

Singer-072514

On his marriage, he wrote: “This is what I believe: something of the core, of the essence of this meaningful and life-affirming Judaism will not be absent from our home” (1882).

With the recent kidnapping by the Hamas and the barbaric murder of three children – Gilad Shaar, Eyal Yifrach and Naftali Frankel, we believe that the best answer to honor the memory of those murdered is to continue building those very communities – large and small – that our enemies are trying to destroy.

Written entirely through Frayda’s eyes, the reader is drawn by her unassuming personality.

Adopting an ancient exegetical approach that is based on midrashic readings of the text, thematic connections that span between various books of the Bible are revealed.

While Lipman comes from an ultra-Orthodox background and is an Orthodox rabbi, he offers a breath of fresh air when he suggests that “polarization caused by extremism and isolationism in the religious community may be the greatest internal threat to the future of the Jewish people”

The Joys of Yiddish, Leo Rosten defines a mentch as “someone to admire and emulate, someone of noble character.”

Certainly today’s communication via e-mail, Facebook, Twitter and the like, including the ubiquitous Whatsapp, has reduced the need to talk with people and communicate at length.

These two special women utilized their incredibly painful experience as an opportunity to assist others.

Maybe we don’t have to lose that growth and unity that we have achieved, especially with the situation in Eretz Yisrael right now.

Sleepily, I watched him kissing Mai’s chubby thighs.

I have always insisted that everything that happens to anyone or anything is min Shamayim.

More Articles from Dr. Yael Respler
Respler-071814

My teachers like me and they tell my parents that I am a great girl with good middos.

Respler-071114

Some yeshivish couples do not believe in going out with other couples, but that does not mean that the women cannot have social lives.

In my experience, modern schools tend to be more open-minded toward other flavors of Judaism.

I was called to the principal’s office and shown a picture my daughter had drawn.

“Where was this guy when I was dating?”

We must be honest about whether this shidduch “crisis” is self-made, and how much of it is really a crisis at all.

Being a teacher requires more than just knowing the material.

She compares me to her romance “heroes,” and I seem to always fall short of her expectations.

    Latest Poll

    Do you think the FAA ban on US flights to Israel is political?






    View Results

    Loading ... Loading ...

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/marriage-relationships/seeking-help-from-abuse/2014/05/16/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: