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October 2, 2014 / 8 Tishri, 5775
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Self Awareness. ‘Who Am I?’ (Part III)


Herskowitz-Moishe

I heard an excellent shiur from Rabbi Avraham Feuer, Shlita, on” How to improve you midos in married life”. He states that in Klal Yisorel there were many Torah Scholars that were great intellectuals, but in as much did not go down as our role models. But the ones that went down in history as our heroes and role models were the ones that perfected their heart not just their heads. He went on to say that in the time of the Gemorah, two thousand years ago, the Rabbanim acknowledged that the previous generation was limited in torah knowledge. They did not have the learning capacity that we Thinkers have today. But when Rabbi Yehudah, the gadol of that generation prayed, the rain came pouring down. We with all our learning and high yeshivah standards, daven and yet we don’t see an immediate response. Chazal is trying to teach us that the previous generation learned torah and taught torah with their hearts. Hashem wants us to do things from our hearts, because the essence of a person is in the heart and that is where the shechina rests.

Perhaps if we can keep this in mind we would not only have shalom bayis in our marriages, but we would no longer have any need for alternative schools.

Questions and comments are welcomed. Please forward them to CPCMOISHE@aol.com, or call 718-435-7388. Please visit us on the web at www.CPCTEAM.ORG.

Moishe Herskowitz MS., LCSW, developed the T.E.A.M. (Torah Education & Awareness for a better Marriage) approach based on 20 successful years of counseling couples – helping them to communicate effectively and fully appreciate each other. As a licensed and highly certified social worker and renowned family therapist, he developed this breakthrough seminar to guide new couples through easy-to-accomplish steps towards a happy, healthy marriage. Moishe Herskowitz holds a certificate from the Brooklyn Institute for Psychotherapy and Psychoanalysis in couples and marriage therapy. He is an active member of the New York Counseling Association for marriage and family counseling. Mr. Herskowitz can be reached at 718-435-7388.

About the Author: Moishe Herskowitz, MS., LCSW, developed the T.E.A.M. (Torah Education & Awareness for a better Marriage). As a licensed clinical social worker and renowned family therapist, he guides new couples through easy-to-accomplish steps towards a happy, healthy marriage. He can be reached at CPCMoishe@aol.com or 718-435-7388.


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In fact Hashem sets up couples that have opposite traits as an opportunity for each to help, learn, and heal the other.

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Your husband seems to have experienced what we have described as the Ambivalent Attachment.

Many times when a couple is arguing they may, unconsciously, trigger childhood anger. So much so, that if we would stop and listen to what they are arguing about, it would sounds like two eight year olds fighting in the back yard.

In my last article I had mentioned that often one of the symptoms of autophobia, a fear of abandonment, is that as adults people suffering with this condition may become extremely sensitive to rejection.

In part one (Family Issues 04-29-2011) we mentioned that often a symptom of the anxiety disorder, the fear of abandonment, is a strong need to be in control. That is because the person suffering from the disorder has lost someone in their past – due to separation, divorce or death – and may unconsciously blame themselves for the desertion.

The fear of abandonment, also known as autophobia, is an anxiety disorder characterized by an acute fear of being alone. Often, one of the symptoms of this particular anxiety is a strong need to be in control. This is because one has previously lost someone close through separation, divorce or death and may unconsciously blames his or herself for the event. When this happens, any type of separation may traumatize the person, even the marriage of his or her own child can be viewed as a life-threatening event.

The following was a letter sent as a response to the article, “Children of Shame” (02-04-2011). The article addressed the fact that children learn at a very young age to disconnect their feelings as a mechanism to end their feelings of shame. As these children become adults, they find it difficult to reconnect those out of fear that once again they will feel the pain of shame.

Children who grew up feeling shameful for the most part will have also grown up without someone to talk to about how it made them feel.

Shame is one of the most destructive feelings there is. It is a feeling that something is wrong within us and has a negative affect on a child’s self-development.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/marriage-relationships/self-awareness-who-am-i-part-iii/2005/02/23/

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