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December 27, 2014 / 5 Tevet, 5775
 
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Self Esteem And Its Impact On Marriage

Schonbuch-Rabbi-Daniel

First Aid Relationship Tips

* Highlight positive aspects of his physical, mental, and emotional development, such as the way he looks, express thoughts and feelings, the skills he has or is developing.

* Focus on accomplishments. Congratulate her for achievements, however big or small. Remind her daily of the things she has done well or courage she has shown.

* Help him to be realistic and accept the fact that, while he isn’t perfect at everything, he doesn’t have to be.

* Teach her to laugh at past disappointments when she can. Use setbacks as opportunities for insight and growth.

* Help him develop a support system of people they trust who will listen when he needs to talk.

As the level of self esteem improves, many couples find their ability to have a successful marriage is greatly enhanced.

Relationship Test: Self Esteem

Do you take time to develop your spouse’s self esteem?

1 2 3 4 5

Never—Rarely —Constantly

About the Author: Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch, MA, Marriage and Family Therapy, is an expert in marriage counseling, pre-marital education, and helping teens in crisis with offices in Flatbush, Cedarhurst, and Crown Heights. He is a certified PAIRS instructor, and trained as a Level 1, Emotionally Focused Therapist at the Ackerman Institute for the Family, and is a member of AASECT. He is the author of At Risk – Never Beyond Reach and First Aid For Jewish Marriages. To watch his free videos on marriage and parenting and for appointments visit: www.JewishMarriageSupport.com or call 646-428-4723


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One Response to “Self Esteem And Its Impact On Marriage”

  1. Will Perry says:

    we’re not supposed to esteem SELF, self is the doctrine of the devil.

Comments are closed.

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More Articles from Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch
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Separation anxiety disorder is a condition in which a child becomes fearful and nervous when away from home or separated from a loved one – usually a parent or other caregiver – to whom the child is attached.

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I try to focus on the parents in a way that is not often addressed. As soon as the child gets anxious, the parent gets anxious;

Most people are not aware that anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the United States, affecting 40 million adults age 18 and older (18% of U.S. population).

Parental conflict affects children in varying ways, depending on their age. For example, teenagers around the age of fifteen or sixteen are most likely to involve themselves in their parents’ battles. Younger children may keep their feelings hidden inside and may only show signs of depression in late childhood or early adolescence.

When parents come to talk to me about a troubled child or teenager, I often find it helpful to explore whether or not their marriage is causing their teenager to be at risk.

Active listening is only one part of the marriage equation; learning what to say and what not to say is the other half. And, it’s not just about expressing your feelings, but doing it in a way that avoids hurting the other person.

Control may be the most destructive force influencing a marriage. Let me illustrate this point with the following story. About two years ago a woman named Bracha, 47, came to speak to me about her husband’s controlling behavior. This is how she described her precarious situation:

Controlling behavior may be the number one reason that your marriage needs first aid.

If you are unfamiliar with the topic of control, it’s no surprise. Most people are unaware that control is a major issue for counselors, therapists and psychologists-at-large.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/marriage-relationships/self-esteem-and-its-impact-on-marriage/2012/12/06/

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