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September 30, 2016 / 27 Elul, 5776
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Shidduchim: Why Personality Compatibility Matters


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Coan is attempting to ameliorate our serious shidduch crisis. The task is daunting, since so many of our “older singles” are amazing, special people but unable to find their zivug. If you read this column regularly, you know that while Chassidim have a shidduch crisis with many special “older boys,” we have a shidduch crisis with our special “older girls.” When I suggested years ago that we try to marry off the wonderful, on-the-derech chassidish boys to the wonderful, on-the-derech yeshivish Bais Yaakov-type girls, even attempting to organize shadchanim to achieve this goal, I was publicly criticized.

The on-the-derech frum hardworking chassidish boys were ready to participate in this venture. Even though I had shadchanim ready to begin their work, the more yeshivish girls were resistant. Ultimately they were more comfortable marrying ba’alei teshuvah from a non-frum family, since they viewed these boys as ones raising their neshamos to higher levels. The girls were also not prepared to take on chassidishe minhagim, since a girl must follow her husband’s derech.

I even attempted to begin a “shidduch corner” as part of my column. Unfortunately, it was not successful. There were, however, two chassidish shidduchim made. One was between two supposedly infertile people living in different countries. Someone read my column and matched them up. Amazingly, they were zocheh to miraculously have children. The other shidduch was between a regular chassidish couple.

I am truly proud of Moshe Coan’s hard work. He has been receiving a steady stream of e-mails and phone calls from members who are absolutely thrilled with the website and the matches they are receiving. ZivugZone.com has the haskamah of Rav Moshe Heinemann, rabbinic supervisor of the Star-K, and I highly encourage all singles to check it out.

May this site be part of the effort to solve a demoralizing shidduch crisis that is considered by some as one of the challenges facing our generation and our galus. Hatzlachah to all those trying to make a difference for our singles. May we all be zocheh in our efforts, whatever different forms they may take, to defeat this great nisayon.

To everyone involved in shidduchim: tizku l’mitzvos!

Dr. Yael Respler

About the Author: Dr. Yael Respler is a psychotherapist in private practice who provides marital, dating and family counseling. Dr. Respler also deals with problems relating to marital intimacy. Letters may be emailed to deardryael@aol.com. To schedule an appointment, please call 917-751-4887. Dr. Orit Respler-Herman, a child psychologist, co-authors this column and is now in private practice providing complete pychological evaluations as well as child and adolescent therapy. She can be reached at 917-679-1612. Previous columns can be viewed at www.jewishpress.com and archives of Dr. Respler’s radio shows can be found at www.dryaelrespler.com.


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