web analytics
January 27, 2015 / 7 Shevat, 5775
 
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post


Solving The Shidduch Crisis Goes On


Respler-080114

I received the following e-mail from Moshe Coan, a shadchan and founder of ZivugZone.com, an Orthodox dating website with almost 6,000 members:

 

Dear Dr. Respler:

A prominent shadchan recently articulated a dilemma she’s facing. My response stresses my formulation of a comprehensive strategy to address the problems she and other shadchanim are attempting to overcome. In short, all of us must do whatever we can to generate novel approaches to helping frum singles find their basherts. I hope that my actions will be a catalyst for others to get involved in this great mitzvah.

Here is the shadchan’s e-mail:

 

Dear Mr. Coan:

I am writing to you because hardly a day goes by in which I am not approached by either a single or a single’s parent bemoaning how few potential matches are redt to the single.

The single or parent tells me how difficult and painful it is to rarely hear the phone ring with a dating suggestion. I tell them that I am doing my best, but am only one person with knowledge of only so many singles. While I get new clients regularly and meet new singles when I am away for Yom Tov, I still only have approximately a few hundred people on my database. And even that relatively small number can be almost unmanageable since it is very difficult to have hundreds of people in the forefront of my mind simultaneously. As a result, some of my registered singles will invariably fall off my radar.

I will sometimes shift the conversation and ask them what they have done in terms of self-advocacy (besides simply relying on me and several other shadchanim). The phone often goes silent as the single or parent struggles to answer. When finally able to reply, he or she tells me that not knowing where to turn has forced him or her to seek my help.

I will refer the person to other reputable shadchanim with whom I’m familiar, but more often than not the single or parent is already working with him or her.

Mr. Coan, do you have some ideas that I could pass on to these frustrated singles? What more could our community do to expand shidduch opportunities for our children?

A Shadchan

 

Moshe Coan explains his response to the shadchan:Respler-080114-Zivug-Zone

I commiserated with her difficult position and told her what I think is the key to alleviating the current singles matzav. I said that I believe that the most effective mechanism to improving the current situation is what I have termed the “sharing” of databases, whereby shadchanim share the situation of their singles with one another.

In my view, the concept of maintaining an exclusive proprietary mindset whereby the shadchan feels fiercely protective of her private list should be relegated to the past. Shadchanim will be much more effective in increasing their number of shidduchim if they join forces by sharing their databases. Everyone would benefit. The synergistic effect of shadchanim working en masse would be overwhelming and would give so much hope and encouragement to forlorn singles waiting by their phones. Instead of having access to only, let’s say, 300 singles, a single whose shadchan participates in one of these clearinghouses will be exposed to thousands of singles who may be suitable matches.

Finally, I told her that my website, ZivugZone.com, has just launched an initiative called the ShadchanZone. I have assembled almost 100 shadchanim with whom I share profiles of select ZivugZone members who have opted into this program. She was so excited by the concept that she immediately joined ShadchanZone as a participating shadchan.

Dr. Respler, it would be a great service to the klal if you publicize this concept of shadchan collaboration through your Jewish Press column and during your public speaking engagements. In order to end the singles crisis, we must not work in isolation. Collaboration is imperative; we should constantly emphasize and promote this.”

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

One Response to “Solving The Shidduch Crisis Goes On”

  1. David Lapin says:

    Excellent. The test that will distinguish between שדכנים who work לשם שמים and those on a power trip.

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Soldiers guard terrorists while checking his car, where they found hidden weapons.
IDF Catches Terrorist with Rifle and Pistol in His Car
Latest Sections Stories
Resnick-012315-Artist

Nouril concluded he had no choice: He had to become more observant.

Respler-012315

I find his mother to be a difficult person and my nature is to stay away from people like that.

Here are some recipes to make your Chag La’Illanot a festive one.

Baim-012315

Does standing under the chuppah signal the end of our dream of romance and beautiful sunsets?

We aren’t at a platform; we are underground, just sitting there.

Dr. Lowy believed passionately in higher education for both men and women and would stop at nothing to assist young students in achieving their educational goals.

It’s almost pointless to try to summarize all of the fascinating information that Holzer’s research unearthed.

The special charm of these letters is their immediacy and authenticity of emotion and description.

Why is there such a steep learning curve for teachers? And what can we, as educators and community activists, do better in the educational system and keep first-year teachers in the job?

Teachers, as well as administrators, must be actively involved in the daily prayers that transpire at a school and must set the bar as dugmaot ishiot, role models, on how one must daven.

Often both girls and boys compare their date to their parents.

We love the food, the hotels, and even the wildlife. We love the Israelis.

Few traces remain of the glory days of Jewish life in the kingdoms of Sicily and Naples, but the demise wasn’t due to the eruption of nearby Mount Vesuvius. Rather it was a manmade volcano called the Edict of Expulsion from Spain – and not even an invitation to return in Shevat of 1740 could […]

More Articles from Dr. Yael Respler
Respler-012315

I find his mother to be a difficult person and my nature is to stay away from people like that.

Respler-011615

Often both girls and boys compare their date to their parents.

The Moroccan wife’s chief pride is showing that she ought to win the prize for the most attentive and solicitous spouse and mother.

Both parties need to become more tolerant of one another.

I think a major problem within the “single” community is the pressure to get married ASAP.

How many potential shidduchim are not coming about because we, the mothers, are not allowing them to go through?

I so desperately want to have a loving relationship with my stepsons.

Isn’t there anyone making a simcha who understands that loud music can cause hearing loss?

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/marriage-relationships/solving-the-shidduch-crisis-goes-on/2014/08/01/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: