web analytics
October 20, 2014 / 26 Tishri, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
Meir Panim with Soldiers 5774 Roundup: Year of Relief and Service for Israel’s Needy

Meir Panim implements programs that serve Israel’s neediest populations with respect and dignity. Meir Panim also coordinated care packages for families in the South during the Gaza War.



Solving The Shidduch Crisis Goes On


Respler-080114

I received the following e-mail from Moshe Coan, a shadchan and founder of ZivugZone.com, an Orthodox dating website with almost 6,000 members:

 

Dear Dr. Respler:

A prominent shadchan recently articulated a dilemma she’s facing. My response stresses my formulation of a comprehensive strategy to address the problems she and other shadchanim are attempting to overcome. In short, all of us must do whatever we can to generate novel approaches to helping frum singles find their basherts. I hope that my actions will be a catalyst for others to get involved in this great mitzvah.

Here is the shadchan’s e-mail:

 

Dear Mr. Coan:

I am writing to you because hardly a day goes by in which I am not approached by either a single or a single’s parent bemoaning how few potential matches are redt to the single.

The single or parent tells me how difficult and painful it is to rarely hear the phone ring with a dating suggestion. I tell them that I am doing my best, but am only one person with knowledge of only so many singles. While I get new clients regularly and meet new singles when I am away for Yom Tov, I still only have approximately a few hundred people on my database. And even that relatively small number can be almost unmanageable since it is very difficult to have hundreds of people in the forefront of my mind simultaneously. As a result, some of my registered singles will invariably fall off my radar.

I will sometimes shift the conversation and ask them what they have done in terms of self-advocacy (besides simply relying on me and several other shadchanim). The phone often goes silent as the single or parent struggles to answer. When finally able to reply, he or she tells me that not knowing where to turn has forced him or her to seek my help.

I will refer the person to other reputable shadchanim with whom I’m familiar, but more often than not the single or parent is already working with him or her.

Mr. Coan, do you have some ideas that I could pass on to these frustrated singles? What more could our community do to expand shidduch opportunities for our children?

A Shadchan

 

Moshe Coan explains his response to the shadchan:Respler-080114-Zivug-Zone

I commiserated with her difficult position and told her what I think is the key to alleviating the current singles matzav. I said that I believe that the most effective mechanism to improving the current situation is what I have termed the “sharing” of databases, whereby shadchanim share the situation of their singles with one another.

In my view, the concept of maintaining an exclusive proprietary mindset whereby the shadchan feels fiercely protective of her private list should be relegated to the past. Shadchanim will be much more effective in increasing their number of shidduchim if they join forces by sharing their databases. Everyone would benefit. The synergistic effect of shadchanim working en masse would be overwhelming and would give so much hope and encouragement to forlorn singles waiting by their phones. Instead of having access to only, let’s say, 300 singles, a single whose shadchan participates in one of these clearinghouses will be exposed to thousands of singles who may be suitable matches.

Finally, I told her that my website, ZivugZone.com, has just launched an initiative called the ShadchanZone. I have assembled almost 100 shadchanim with whom I share profiles of select ZivugZone members who have opted into this program. She was so excited by the concept that she immediately joined ShadchanZone as a participating shadchan.

Dr. Respler, it would be a great service to the klal if you publicize this concept of shadchan collaboration through your Jewish Press column and during your public speaking engagements. In order to end the singles crisis, we must not work in isolation. Collaboration is imperative; we should constantly emphasize and promote this.”

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

One Response to “Solving The Shidduch Crisis Goes On”

  1. David Lapin says:

    Excellent. The test that will distinguish between שדכנים who work לשם שמים and those on a power trip.

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Ismail Haniyeh, highest ranking Hamas member in Gaza, pictured Nov. 25, 2012.
Hamas Leader’s Daughter Treated in Israeli Hospital; #BDSFail
Latest Sections Stories

Sadly, there are mothers who, due to severe depression are unable or unwilling to prepare nourishing food for their children.

Michal had never been away from home. And now, she was going so far away, for so long – an entire year!

Though if you do have a schach mat, you’ll realize that it cannot actually support the weight of the water.

Social disabilities occur at many levels, but experts identify three different areas of learning and behavior that are most common for children who struggle to create lasting social connections.

Sukkot is an eternal time of joy, and if we are worthy, of plenty.

Two of our brothers, Jonathan Pollard and Alan Gross, sit in the pit of captivity. We have a mandate to see that they are freed.

Chabad of South Broward has 15 Chabad Houses in ten cities.

Victor Center works in partnership with healthcare professionals, clergy, and the community to sponsor education programs and college campus out reach.

So just in case you’re stuck in the house this Chol HaMoed – because there’s a new baby or because someone has a cold – not because of anything worse, here are six ideas for family fun at home.

We are told that someone who says that God’s mercy extends to a bird’s nest should be silenced.

Our harps have 22 strings. This gives musicians a wide musical range and yet stays within Biblical parameters.

More Articles from Dr. Yael Respler
Respler-101014

It is important for a therapist to focus on a person’s strengths as a way of overcoming his or her difficulties.

Respler-100314

I went to camp for many years. We cleaned our own bunks and did not have air conditioning.

“I would really love my mother-in-law …if she weren’t my mother-in-law.”

Not enjoying saying no, I often succumbed to requests viewing them as demands I couldn’t refuse.

It’s fair to say that we all know or have someone in our family who is divorced.

I recently met a wonderful woman who writes poetry. With her permission, I am sharing a poem she wrote about time.

What can we do to help him stop feeling so sad all the time?

Perhaps you can reach a compromise during this news frenzy, whereby you will feel more comfortable while he can still follow the latest events.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/marriage-relationships/solving-the-shidduch-crisis-goes-on/2014/08/01/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: