By nature, the human mind will resist change, because change makes us feel out of control and vulnerable. One of the greatest gifts Hashem provided us with is marriage. Without marriage, there would be very little change and, as a result, very little growth.
Some of the T.E.A.M. principles – the three A’s
1. Awareness — Love brings out the best in us and the worst in us: the best in us, so that we can develop an emotional attachment; the worst in us, in order to heal childhood pain and emotional wounds. This provides an agenda to work on for healing and growth. (If one knew the worst up front, one would never take the journey!)
2. Acceptance — A relationship is a commitment. Stop the blame; now that you are married, you are part of a T.E.A.M. It’s not your problem, it’s our problem.
3. Appreciation — Thank Hashem for giving you the positive energy to heal each other. Positive new love can heal old pain (old love). Begin to see the good things your partner does for you.
Any couple that is motivated and committed to learn the T.E.A.M. approach will have the foundation to build and keep shalom bayis.
T.E.A.M. is endorsed by many prominent Rabbanim, including Rav Pam, zt”l, Rav Belsky, Rav Dovid Goldwasser, Rav Herbst, Rav Mordecai Tendler, Rav Lehrfield, Rabbi Pikus, Rav Ralbag.
If there are any topics you would like me to discuss in my articles, or have any questions, please feel free to contact me at CPCMoishe@aol.com or at 718-435-7388. You can also log on to CPCTEAM.org to download past articles and for more information about the T.E.A.M. approach.
MOISHE HERSKOWITZ MS., LCSW, developed the T.E.A.M. (Torah Education & Awareness for a better Marriage) approach based on 20 successful years of counseling couples — helping them to communicate effectively and fully appreciate each other. As a licensed and highly certified social worker and renowned family therapist, he developed this breakthrough seminar to guide new couples through easy-to-accomplish steps towards a happy, healthy marriage. Moishe Herskowitz holds a certificate from the Brooklyn Institute for Psychotherapy and Psychoanalysis in couples and marriage therapy. He is an active member of the New York Counseling Association for marriage and family counseling. Mr. Herskowitz can be reached at 718-435-7388.