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January 22, 2017 / 24 Tevet, 5777
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The Shidduch-Shy



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How about the “boy” (a man in his mid-30s) who only dates blondes, or the older girl who won’t consider the fellow with a receding hairline? Or the man in his 40s who owns a business in his hometown of Phoenix, dates in New York, and “might” eventually move his business—if he finds the right girl? . Or the very tall fellow who won’t date short women because “everyone will stare at us?” The new ba’alas teshuva who won’t contact a shadchan because she doesn’t “want to be an index card in someone’s file?” The almost- 40-year-old man who kept his out-of-town date “on ice” for four days, because he only dates in Manhattan, even though she got herself to his home base of Monsey?

Meet Mr./Miss Impossible,  who only wants what he or she can’t have.

Some say to tread cautiously if you see your date following these kinds of rules. I say to tread your way out of the relationship. Your time and energy are better spent elsewhere, preparing to build a bayis ne’eman b’yisrael with someone who intends to do so. Sooner is better than later to break off with such distancers.

An additional note to shadchanim: Your time, efforts, and feelings count, too. Don’t break your heart over the un-reformed shidduch-shy either. Move on to people willing to risk a relationship.

Dr. Candida Abrahamson

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