web analytics
March 28, 2015 / 8 Nisan, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post


The Wrongs Of Onas Devarim


Respler-122812

We all need to feel appreciated for what we do in life. I am involved in a Friday night Tehillim group whereby we divide the 150 chapters among the members. My friend and neighbor, Devorah Kahn, initiated this group and has been a strong force in encouraging people living on our block to participate in this mitzvah. I decided to add something to the group by presenting a three-minute discourse from Positive Word Power, the book from the Chofetz Chaim Heritage Foundation on onas devarim. I read three paragraphs and summarize one lesson. The group responds with different stories related to the particular issue presented (regarding onas devarim).

This Friday night I read Day 51, page 110 – “The Career Critic.” That lesson talks about a man who makes a joke about his new neighbor’s career. His neighbor, a music teacher in the public school system, teaches string instruments and has a few private yeshiva students that he teaches in the evening. The critical neighbor, Yossi, said with ridicule, “Well, I guess it’s like they say: ‘Those who can, do; those who can’t, teach.’” Yossi then chuckled at his own witticism, expecting the new neighbor to laugh along with him. After all, everyone knows that teaching is not the highest-paying job. And teaching music? In Yossi’s mind that was simply not a serious job for a grown man. In essence Yossi hurt his neighbor’s feelings, causing onas devarim.

I know that in your situation, you are so frustrated with your sister that you probably feel she is causing you great grief. While this is probably true, in a very subtle manner you are committing a type of onas devarim by making her feel like a schlep – and basically inadequate. Please take my words as constructive criticism and understand that you are in no way similar to Yossi in the aforementioned “Career Critic” story. But the message that you are subtly delivering to your sister is that she is inadequate.

I wish you hatzlachah in this challenging situation!

About the Author: Letters may be emailed to deardryael@aol.com. To schedule an appointment, please call 917-751-4887.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “The Wrongs Of Onas Devarim”

Comments are closed.

Current Top Story
Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu.
Netanyahu to Release Frozen Palestinian Authority Tax Revenue
Latest Sections Stories
Neuman-Rabbi-M-Gary

Are we allowed to lie for shalom bayis? It would seem so, but what might be a healthy guideline for when it’s okay and when it’s not?

book-To-Fill-The-Sky-With-Stars

The connection between what I experienced as a high school teenager and the adult I am today did not come easy to me.

Respler-032715

Isn’t therapy about being yourself; aren’t there different ways for people to communicate with each other?

South-Florida-logo

Jack was awarded a blue and gold first-place trophy, appropriately topped off with a golden bee.

Participating in ManiCures during the school day may feel like a break from learning, but the intended message to the students was loud and clear. Learning and chesed come in all forms, and can be fun.

Building campaign chairman Jack Gluck has led the effort over many years.

When using an extension cord always make sure to use the correct rated extension cord.

There was no question that when Mrs. Cohen entered the room to meet the teacher she was hostile from the outset.

Szold was among the founders and leaders (she served on its executive committee) of Ichud (“Unity”), a political group that campaigned against the creation of an independent, sovereign Jewish state in Eretz Yisrael.

My friend is a strong and capable Jewish woman, but she acted with a passivity that seemed out of character.

“If you don’t stand straight, you’ll never get a husband.”

First, sit down with your helpers and a pen and paper and break the jobs down into small parts.

More Articles from Dr. Yael Respler
Respler-032715

Isn’t therapy about being yourself; aren’t there different ways for people to communicate with each other?

Respler-032015

I believe that Hashem will only bring Moshiach when we finally achieve achdus.

I love my husband dearly and I do everything to make him happy.

Men and women have different roles to play in marriages and as parents.

The husband needs to make some changes!

Whenever he did anything loving for me, I made a big deal about it.

She says that they are our children and since she brings in half, or sometimes more than half of our parnassah, we need to be full partners in their chinuch.

I surprise my wife with gifts, large and small.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/marriage-relationships/the-wrongs-of-onas-devarim/2012/12/27/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: