web analytics
April 26, 2015 / 7 Iyar, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post


Two Years Of Marital Bliss; What Next?

Neuman-Rabbi-M-Gary

From the moment they stand under the chuppah, newlyweds have two years to enjoy the special bliss that new love brings. This new finding, reported by the New York Times, is based on a study undertaken by American and European researchers. 1,761 people who got married and stayed married over 15 years were followed. The research shows that after two years the couples moved into a more companionable state in their relationships.

In addition, some of the couples did report a version of that earlier excitement and happiness while others simply had a more mundane life experience together. What was the difference then between the group that had a satisfying companionship and the more intensely passionate couples?

The more joyful couples kept things interesting, with surprises and thoughtfulness complimenting the attempts to keep things new. Because, as the Times points out, we are “wired to keep things new,” we crave difference and newness. Many couples are satisfied with the companionable and easygoing state of a marriage after two years. However some couples felt it signaled something wrong. It is helpful to couples to understand that while the initial excitement of fresh love recedes into something else, they can retain elements of that first excitement.

What can be done to spark those early romantic feelings?

1. Experiences. Sign up for a class or attend a lecture or performance that is out of your typical zone. Couples who tried “exciting” new things felt a commensurate level of excitement.

2. Travel. Seeing new things and being in new places fires up the areas of the brain associated with pleasure and novelty. Planning a trip can be exciting and fun. If time and money are tight, reconsider making that trip with some creative spending. Following the unexpected death of a close friend, and the heart attack of someone their age (early forties), one couple I know decided to stop putting off their dream trip to Europe for some future date which may not arrive. They planned for the following year. To deal with the economics, they used miles, vacation time and booked off season. The trip and its planning gave their marriage a terrific boost. If a big trip together is just not possible, try taking one day off and going someplace new that is closer to home.

3. Little Surprises and Thoughtfulness. Bring home her favorite candy or perfume. Arrange surprise tickets to a ball game for him. Invite your spouse to something he/she has wanted to do. The research found couples that did exciting things together reported greater satisfaction. And those who experienced surprises had greater happiness (measured by brain activity) – and the surprise didn’t have to be something big.

4. Turn down the noise. Our daily life and relationships suffer when too many things distract us. Texting and e-mailing for work are a part of everyday living. Some couples turn off the phone at the restaurant and really connect during that time. The noise is not just electronic, however. Demanding in-laws, friends who create drama, obligations that don’t give us time for relationships all add to the tedium. Try to minimize these obligations. Imagine if your life didn’t include them. Would you have more fun with your significant other?

5. Pay attention to the little things. Do the thing your partner has been trying to get around to finishing. Wish each other a good day/night. Express appreciation daily. Create things to look forward to.

These studies are good news. They show tremendous benefits for relatively small investments of time, money and kindness. And what better to invest in than our relationships?

To receive discounts on Gary’s Creating Your Best Marriage 11 DVD set program, go to NeumanMethod.com and use coupon code Jewishpress. M Gary Neuman is a New York Times best-selling author, rabbi, and creator of Neuman Method Programs. He was on the Oprah show 11 times as well as having made multiple appearances on Today, Dateline, the View, NPR and others. Oprah referred to Gary as “One of the best psychotherapists in the world.”

Research cited: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/02/opinion/sunday/new-love-a-short-shelf-life.html?src=me&ref=genera&_r=1&

About the Author: M. Gary Neuman is a psychotherapist, rabbi, and New York Times best-selling author. He is the creator of NeumanMethod.com video programs for marriages and parenting.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Two Years Of Marital Bliss; What Next?”

Comments are closed.

Current Top Story
What Obama does not say but write on personal emails now is known to Russian hackers.
Russian Hackers Reading Obama’s Personal E-mails
Latest Sections Stories
Food-Talk---Eller-logo

“People who never buy cookbooks are getting this one,” said Victoria. “They read it cover to cover and find it so interesting.”

South-Florida-logo

We have recently witnessed how other minorities deal with even perceived danger aimed at their brothers and sisters. They respond in great numbers.

South-Florida-logo

The Hebrew Academy students took part in all categories and used successful and innovative techniques to achieve their goals.

“The objective behind establishing small communities as places for relocation was a remedy for the excessive cost of housing and education in the large New York metropolitan market,” Mr. Savitsky explained.

Jewish Democrats did not entirely trust the son of Joseph Kennedy, a man broadly considered to be both anti-Semitic and pro-Nazi.

The teenage years are not about surviving. They are about thriving.

Every moment was a gift. I held each one, savoring.

We arrived in Auschwitz on Thursday, January 30, 2014. My seminary was taking us to see where the prisoners were kept. When we got there, I stepped off the bus in complete and total silence. I was in the back, and when we got to the gate I hesitated and started shaking uncontrollably. I couldn’t […]

From the moment Israel was declared a Jewish state, it has been the subject of controversy and struggle.

Now that Pesach is over, we return you to your regularly-scheduled pressing questions:   Dear Mordechai, Can I use a nose hair trimmer during Sefirah? Harry Lipman   Dear Harry, Yes, as long as your nose hairs are so bad that they’re affecting your job. Like if you have a desk job, and they interfere […]

It is very natural for kids to want attention and to be jealous of each other, especially when there is a new baby.

During the Second World War, a million and a half Jewish soldiers fought in the Allied armies, the Partisan units in Eastern Europe, and the anti-fascist underground movements in Western Europe and North Africa. These Jewish fighters won over 200,000 medals and citations. The Museum of the Jewish Soldier in World War II in Latrun, […]

The 2-day real estate event will take place in Brooklyn on April 26 and 27.

More Articles from Rabbi M. Gary Neuman
Neuman-Rabbi-M-Gary

Are we allowed to lie for shalom bayis? It would seem so, but what might be a healthy guideline for when it’s okay and when it’s not?

Neuman-Rabbi-M-Gary

Sacrifice is the backbone of our souls. It indicates self-regulation for a higher purpose.

Spoiler Alert: Going to see the movie “Saving Mr. Banks”, starring Tom Hanks is not like going to Disney World. Well, it is like going to Disney World if you go mid-August with your triplet toddlers, feed them all cotton candy, and lose your car because you forgot you parked in Pluto 7.394. It’s not a happy Disney movie.

Stacy and George walked out of the marriage counselor’s office angrier than when they arrived. It was their third session and this last fight over his ex-wife wasn’t going away. The fifty minutes spent embroiled in a detailed account of their battle only fired up their anger – and the counselor’s request to remember how much they love each other wasn’t helping. It would be a week before the next session and both of them were already talking about not coming back.

The therapeutic alliance has always been about a firm connection between patient and counselor. There has always been one primary standard – physically meeting in an office setting. There might be some phone calls in between sessions or to bridge some vacation gap. But therapy has always been about a feeling of connectivity and there is no better way to do this than face-to-face.

Cindy is 43, successful, attractive, a dedicated mom, extremely caring… and she hates herself. She doesn’t readily admit this, but spend a minute inside her head and you’ll discover the resounding messages revolving around negative rants – everything from “I failed” to “I should’ve done better.” You wouldn’t know it from her behavior. She’s a high functioning, regular member of society.

As adults who were children of divorce know, healing does not occur through time alone. In fact, my research found that only 46% said they had a positive relationship with their fathers as adults.

Stacy and Michael walked out of the marriage counselor’s office angrier than when they arrived. It was their third session and this last fight over his ex wife wasn’t going away. The fifty minutes embroiled in a detailed outline of the battle only fired up their anger and the counselor’s request to remember how much they love each other wasn’t helping. It would be a week before the next session and both of them were already talking about not returning for therapy.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/marriage-relationships/two-years-of-marital-bliss-what-next/2013/05/23/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: