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Ways Of Gaining Chizuk

Respler-041913

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Dear Dr. Yael:

I am trying, over the Internet, to find programs for my son that are geared toward helping people strengthen their emunah and bitachon. Thus far, I have been unsuccessful. Do you know of any sites I can visit?

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous:

Thank you for writing. I hope that readers will have ideas for you. If so, any ideas can be forwarded to me and I will be happy to send them on to you.

People have recommended various books to me pertaining to emunah and bitachon. But since I have yet to read them, I am reluctant to recommend them to others. Be assured, though, that reading material on this subject is available.

Once again, readers, please respond with any ideas so that this mother can help her son.

Dear Dr. Yael:

A certain situation is breaking my heart. Over Yom Tov, I heard that the daughter of one of my good friends from childhood is getting divorced. She is such a special girl and I cannot believe that this is happening to her. This is my fourth friend whose child is getting divorced.

What is going on these days with young people in their 20s and 30s? Why are so many of these young couples getting divorced? What can we do to change this?

A Heartbroken Friend

Dear Heartbroken Friend:

It breaks my heart as well to see what is happening in this generation. Whereas about 10 years ago the divorce rate was approximately five percent in the frum community, today that number has climbed to near 20-25 percent. According to rabbanim, this is affecting all segments of our society.

There are many things that might be contributing factors to this phenomenon. First, this generation is forced to fight various elements of the yetzer hara that the prior generation was not forced to deal with. Logging onto the Internet has caused the demise of many marriages, an issue not in play in my generation. I cannot even fathom how this occurs, but the rabbanim know what they are talking about when they urge us to protect our spouses, our children and ourselves from the dangers of the Internet. Many people have become obsessed with the Internet, which unfortunately gives one access in an effortless and instantaneous fashion.

It is critical that all Internet access be protected by filters. Obviously it is best to have no access to the Internet. However, since the Internet has some positives and many people need it for business purposes, this is not always possible. A chashuvah rav, who spoke on Tisha B’Av a few years ago about Internet use and filtration, recommended that people use one accountability service and one filtration service. The rav felt that using more than one product, even if there is an overlap, is most useful since certain things can fall through the cracks. The accountability reports can go to more than one person. (A review of all Internet filter programs can be found at http://internet-filter-review.toptenrevews.com).

The fact that a large asifa, attended by frum people from all walks of life, was held not too long ago is a result of the rabbanim’s realization of the Internet’s hazards. This gathering was an attempt to help the frum community deal with the dangers of the Internet more effectively.

Many ridicule the rabbanim who caution against seemingly endless use of the Internet. But I see what can happen when there is no protection from the Internet. And the results are often heartbreaking. We need to double our efforts at explaining to our children that although they may think that Internet-related use will never be harmful to them, they need to take appropriate precautions to increase the chances that that harm will not come their way.

The “older generation” needs to better educate their children regarding today’s nisyonos. Our children need to be prepared for challenges that inevitably arise in order for them to protect and enhance their marriages.

Married people today have different expectations than those in past generations. Some do not realize that in this world of instant gratification, marriage actually requires a lot of hard work. Some marriages of young people are not working out because one of the parties is getting mixed up in situations that are not easily solved.

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Dear Dr. Yael:

My heart is breaking; my husband’s friend has gotten divorced. While this type of situation is always sad, here I do believe it could have been avoided.

Respler-041114

I agree with the letter writer that a shadchan should respectfully and graciously accept a negative response to a shidduch offer.

By employing this new countermove, the scenario will likely change.

I bring the results of this study to demonstrate that although in a frum world we should rise above the gashmius, unfortunately, we still live in a secular world in which we are affected by that gashmius.

It is a shame that when one sincerely wishes to help another person, he or she often must avoid telling the truth.

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Thank you for your amazing letter. I wish you hatzlachah in your new marriage, and may your letter bring more sensitivity to others regarding this issue.

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Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/marriage-relationships/ways-of-gaining-chizuk/2013/04/18/

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