web analytics
August 3, 2015 / 18 Av, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post


Why Not Get Together With Friends?

Respler-071114

Dear Dr. Yael:

I am truly disturbed by the views expressed in your June 20 column, “Conversational Lessons.”

Do you and M.G. honestly think that married people are so weak that they will act inappropriately toward and run off with someone any chance they get? If men or women cannot sit at a Shabbos table without having impure thoughts, how will they ever be able to work with someone of the opposite gender? And how can they even go to shul? After all, while they are waiting for their spouses after davening they may see someone else’s spouse.

We were fortunate to move to an out-of-town community where other young couples live. We all ate meals together on Shabbos, planned Sunday family activities – and even went out as couples on Saturday nights. We all had children, gaining and losing weight in the process. While I am sure that the husbands noticed this, there was never a question of anyone crossing lines. And now we are all lucky enough to have our married children and our grandchildren in town sharing friendships – making this a three-generation chevrah.

And yes, they too get together for meals and activities!

I know that divorce sometimes happens because someone’s spouse becomes friendly with another’s friend. But how often does this occur? I also know that office romances happen at least as often. In these instances, the marriage affected by either of these behaviors was not meant to be.

Concerning the rising divorce rate, perhaps couples should stop their panicky rush to get married quickly and at such young ages. Many singles settle in their quest for a spouse for fear that they won’t meet anyone better. Others are simply too immature to be dating in the first place. I also don’t think it’s helpful that the men are learning in beis medrash and spending time with their friends all day while the women are often isolated at work or school (or both) with no way to meet other young women because they don’t socialize with their husbands’ married friends as couples.

Here’s the bottom line: People are responsible for their actions. And I, for one, would not want to have a husband who second-guesses his love for me every time he sees one of my prettier, thinner, or richer friends. I would also not want to be married to someone who has no self-control and whose thoughts lead to actions.

A Longtime Wife, Mom and Bubby – With Lots of Couples As Friends  

Dear Longtime Wife, Mom and Bubby:

Thank you for your heartfelt letter. One of the most important points I may have forgotten to include, or that you may have missed, is that there is no uniform scenario.

Getting together with friends on Shabbos or going out with them on Motzaei Shabbos is fine, but I advise married couples to also make time to spend with just each other. It is unhealthy to always be with the same couple, never spending private time with one’s spouse.

Of course the husband must have self-control and be able to love his wife for who she is, but that does not mean that the wife should constantly be parading beautiful single women in front of her husband. One must use common sense. The wife should certainly invite friends over, do chesed with them, and enjoy some nights out with them – all the while making certain that she exhibits appropriate behavior and ensures that she spends quality alone time with her husband. This will help cultivate their relationship.

Some yeshivish couples do not believe in going out with other couples, but that does not mean that the women cannot have social lives. There are many shiurim, women’s events, and other opportunities for women to participate in, helping them enjoy spending time with each other. And plenty organize a women’s night out.

About the Author: Letters may be emailed to deardryael@aol.com. To schedule an appointment, please call 917-751-4887. Dr. Respler will be on 102.1 FM at 10:00 pm Sunday evenings after Country Yossi.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

One Response to “Why Not Get Together With Friends?”

  1. I am tonight for Friday dinner Shabbat shalom

Comments are closed.

Current Top Story
Firefighters put out fire in firebombed car near Beit Hanina on August 3, 2105.
Jewish Woman Severely Burned, 2 More Injured in Yet Another Arab Firebombing Attack
Latest Sections Stories
South-Florida-logo

An impressive group of counselors and staff members are providing the boys and girls with a summer of fun and Torah learning and a lifetime of wonderful memories.

South-Florida-logo

Rabbi Sam Intrator recently led a summer program in Williams Island, located in Aventura. The event focused on how to find spiritual joy in Judaism. The rabbi cited biblical and Talmudic teachings, ancient Temple rituals, and the words of prayers to establish the role that love and positive thinking have in Torah values. Rabbi Intrator […]

South-Florida-logo

The Iranian deal was sealed on July 14, four and a half months after Netanyahu’s visit. The details of the agreement were shocking and worse than anyone had imagined.

There are so many toys available for newborn to age 5, but how do you choose?

In 1939, with life getting harder for Jews, she and several friends decided it was time to make aliyah, and applied at the Palestina Amt for permits.

I am not sure how many of you readers have had this experience, but I did and it truly tested the limits of my sanity!

Aside from my own 485-page tome on the subject, Red Army, I think Jamie Glazov did an excellent job at framing things in United in Hate: The Left’s Romance with Tyranny and Terror.

We studied his seforim together, we listened to famous cantorial masters and we spoke of his illustrious yichus, his pedigree, dating back to the famous commentator, Rashi.

Jews who were considered, but not ultimately selected, include Woody Allen, Saul Bellow, David Ben-Gurion, Marc Chagall, Anne Frank, and Barbra Streisand.

More Articles from Dr. Yael Respler

Why should any girl deserve to end up with a guy who can’t even think straight?

Women don’t often realize they are being abused, especially if the abuse is emotional rather than physical.

My children encouraged me to date and even set me up with a very special man.

It is very hard to build a healthy marriage when you do not have good role models.

When they all try to speak at once, I will ask them to stop and speak one at a time.

In America one has to either be very rich or impoverished to receive care – the middle class seems to get taken advantage of.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/marriage-relationships/why-not-get-together-with-friends/2014/07/11/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: