web analytics
July 25, 2014 / 27 Tammuz, 5774
Israel at War: Operation Protective Edge
 
 
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
IDC Advocacy Room IDC Fights War on Another Front

Student Union opens ‘hasbara’ room in effort to fill public diplomacy vacuum.



Bullying Must End Now

Respler-091313

Dear Readers:

I was fortunate enough to meet Captain Eilon Even-Esh – with whom I was extremely impressed – at a Shabbaton where we were both forum presenters. Our conversation focused on a subject of great importance to both of us: bullies in the yeshiva system.

As a mother and grandmother, I wonder what my reaction would be if one of my children or grandchildren faced the demeaning experience of being bullied by his or her peers. In addition, I think about those who have spoken about the bullying experience and how they felt helpless to do anything to change the situation. I am concerned about children who have relatively good self-esteem, yet are still being bullied by their classmates in and out of yeshiva. Parents have told me that even after making numerous calls to yeshiva heads to complain about the harassment their children are facing, they still feel powerless in their quest to overcome this daunting problem.

So when I met Even-Esh, I realized that Hashem was clearly sending me a shaliach to assist me in my attempt to help the community solve this difficult problem, one that is adversely affecting so many of our children.

My daughter, Dr. Orit Respler-Herman, and I have written columns on the issue of bullying. We also did a radio show this summer on the subject. Despite our efforts, I didn’t possess enough knowledge to alleviate the pain I’ve experienced through the eyes of mothers’ personal struggles with their bullied children.

Even-Esh, who was in a special-forces unit in the IDF where he learned hand-to-hand combat (Krav Maga) and who also served in the USMC where he learned the Marine Corps Martial Arts Program (MCMAP), believes that bullying is an issue with few real solutions. The bully won’t listen to the scolding parent while a bully’s parents are often in denial or are too passive to correct their children’s behavior in the proper manner. The real antidote, Even-Esh says, is to empower the children being bullied.

Given his background, Even-Esh feels that the majority of karate classes for children – currently being offered to our community as solutions to the bullying crisis – provide fairly good outlets for physical fitness and self-confidence. But he believes that the techniques being taught are typically not effective in a real self-defense or bullying situations. The captain teaches a form of Krav Maga that is very simple, effective and easy to remember. The end result is that he creates a very steep learning curve with many students feeling more confident. Many are able to fend off a bully after only one lesson.

For example, I know a boy who attained an orange belt in martial arts. But in just one class with Even-Esh he learned more about how to handle bullies, along with specific techniques in self-defense, than he did in many previous martial arts classes.

Even-Esh is now training this boy and many other yeshiva boys around the country in Krav Maga. He teaches them practical methods to deal effectively with the bullies in their lives.

As a therapist, I know that these child bullies often struggle with serious self-esteem problems and bully others to feel momentarily better about their situation. The victims, however, still hurt from the bully’s taunts and threats. Dealing with bullies is often alien to our young sons who have parents who try to speak with each other with great love and respect.

Please remember that teaching middos is absolutely essential when instructing a child to defend himself or herself; after all, our mandate is to raise solid Torah-observant Jews. With this in mind, Even-Esh inculcates Torah and middos into his work and has even created the unique concept of a middos contract that his students sign. The contract emphasizes that all the taught techniques are to be utilized in a manner that is consistent with being a true ben Torah. This curriculum emphasizes the need for a ben Torah to defend himself as opposed to a ben Torah needing to accept being a victim.

Even-Esh’s work is potentially a true gift to bullying victims in our community as well as to those suffering from the pain of bullying others. He serves as an example of how to properly channel the true energies of bnei Torah. I recommend that all of my readers who are struggling to protect their children from bullies, as well as to adults coping with stress, anger and aggression issues, contact Captain Even-Esh. He can be reached at 917-376-3637. He is available for personal and group appointments.

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

Please use the Facebook Tab below to leave your comment:

3 Responses to “Bullying Must End Now”

  1. Hyacinth Alagos says:

    Bullying became a serious case ,now our young became more affected and insensitive beacuse of this let us emotionally grow and responsible don't end a precious life by this let us speak up and be strong never let words change your life. We can change it be a buddy not a bully change always start from ourselves make a difference and be a good example let us be protected and safe hope this app. will help you to save one precious life @http://www.safekidzone.com/

  2. Eva Feld says:

    Bullying is usually originated by one of the parents. A mother who is either too demanding and never satisfied what the child and/or the husband does. Or, more often than not the father who keeps telling his son/daughter to stand up for themselves and fight their own battle no matter what, how or when.

  3. School discussion about bullying helps a lot. Even bullying doesn't really stop it can somehow help us to be aware and to somehow look for ways how to prevent this before it will happen into our own child. And also as a parent we have to set an extra protection for our kids that's why I would like to share this protection that I'm also using for my kids. It's called the panic button from SAFEKIDZONE. This application is a life saving tool that works on mobile phones. It can easily get help in times of real emergency. For further information about this application, just visit their website at: http://safekidzone.com

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Loading Facebook Comments ...
Loading Disqus Comments ...
Current Top Story
John Kerry
Entire Israeli Cabinet Rejects Kerry’s Proposed Ceasefire, Talks Continue
Latest Sections Stories
Respler-072514

The real solution to bullying is to empower the bullied child.

Schonfeld-logo1

Time outs increases compliance and positive behavior far more than other forms of discipline

Schild-Edwin

Interestingly, sometimes people who have a very high self-awareness may experience intense reactions to circumstances that others might respond to more mildly.

“You Touro graduates are automatically soldiers in [Israel’s] struggle, and we count on you,” Rothstein told the graduates.

The lemonana was something else. Never had we seen a green drink look so enticing.

On his marriage, he wrote: “This is what I believe: something of the core, of the essence of this meaningful and life-affirming Judaism will not be absent from our home” (1882).

With the recent kidnapping by the Hamas and the barbaric murder of three children – Gilad Shaar, Eyal Yifrach and Naftali Frankel, we believe that the best answer to honor the memory of those murdered is to continue building those very communities – large and small – that our enemies are trying to destroy.

Written entirely through Frayda’s eyes, the reader is drawn by her unassuming personality.

Adopting an ancient exegetical approach that is based on midrashic readings of the text, thematic connections that span between various books of the Bible are revealed.

While Lipman comes from an ultra-Orthodox background and is an Orthodox rabbi, he offers a breath of fresh air when he suggests that “polarization caused by extremism and isolationism in the religious community may be the greatest internal threat to the future of the Jewish people”

The Joys of Yiddish, Leo Rosten defines a mentch as “someone to admire and emulate, someone of noble character.”

Certainly today’s communication via e-mail, Facebook, Twitter and the like, including the ubiquitous Whatsapp, has reduced the need to talk with people and communicate at length.

More Articles from Dr. Yael Respler
Respler-072514

The real solution to bullying is to empower the bullied child.

Respler-071814

My teachers like me and they tell my parents that I am a great girl with good middos.

Some yeshivish couples do not believe in going out with other couples, but that does not mean that the women cannot have social lives.

In my experience, modern schools tend to be more open-minded toward other flavors of Judaism.

I was called to the principal’s office and shown a picture my daughter had drawn.

“Where was this guy when I was dating?”

We must be honest about whether this shidduch “crisis” is self-made, and how much of it is really a crisis at all.

Being a teacher requires more than just knowing the material.

    Latest Poll

    Do you think the FAA ban on US flights to Israel is political?






    View Results

    Loading ... Loading ...

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/parenting-our-children/bullying-must-end-now/2013/09/13/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: