web analytics
November 23, 2014 / 1 Kislev, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
IDC Herzliya Campus A Day on Campus

To mark IDC Herzliya’s 20th anniversary, we spent a day following Prof. Uriel Reichman, IDC’s founder and president, and Jonathan Davis, VP for External Relations, around its delightful campus.



Deal With It: Becoming Part Of The Solution


One of the positive outcomes of the brouhaha regarding the harassment of Dr. Benzion Twerski – which led to his resignation from Assemblyman Dov Hikind’s panel on child abuse – was the realization on the part of many members of our community that they cannot afford to sit on the sidelines any longer. However, the question arises: “What can I do to become part of the solution?”

Last week, someone posted a comment on my website that sums up that sentiment pretty well in a short, but-to-the-point comment. Referring to Dr. Twerski’s treatment, she writes, “This is an outrage! This is horrible! But what can I, as an individual, do about this?”

Well, al regel achas (on one foot), here are some thoughts:

For starters, we should resist the knee-jerk reaction of blaming “the gedolim” for everything. These attacks are not constructive and will not save the fingernail of even one child. If you are disappointed or even upset with the response of rabbinic leadership to the abuse issue, “Deal With It,” as the kids say. And do something constructive with your passion and energy.

In the early 1990s, I was an eighth-grade rebbi and frustrated to tears at what “the system” was doing to the weaker talmidim I was teaching. I wrote a column, “An Ounce of Prevention,” submitted it to a mainstream publication, The Jewish Observer, which ran it, despite the fact that it pointed out fundamental flaws in our chinuch system.

At the age of 36, I was given an open microphone by Rabbi Moshe Sherer, zt”l – with no scripting whatsoever – at the 2006 Agudah Convention at a plenary session with 4,000 delegates, hundreds of rabbonim and several members of the Moetzes Gedolei HaTorah present.

I have proudly served as a department head of Agudath Israel for 12 years now in my capacity as director of Project Y.E.S. and never once have any of the gedolim, shlita, even suggested to me that I tone down my writings or remarks despite the fact that I am, well, outspoken at times (okay – often).

I was invited to several meetings of the Moetzes Gedolei HaTorah and the Rabbinic Board of Torah U’Mesorah to share feedback with our roshei yeshivos, shlita, about the at-risk-kids and their parents. And whenever I have the zechus of spending time with our gedolim, shlita, they thank me for my efforts to improve things for our children and offer their assistance.

So, if you want to make positive change in the arena of abuse prevention – and we all know that much change is sorely needed – roll up your sleeves and become part of the solution instead of complaining or just hoping that things will improve on their own.

· Organize lectures in your community to train parents and educators how to speak to their children about safety, privacy and personal space. These are very easily done in a Torah-appropriate manner. Awareness saves lives. It is just that simple. You cannot follow your children around for the rest of their lives, but you can teach them to have the self-confidence to ward off predators. My experience has shown me that pedophiles have a twisted sixth sense that immediately lets them know which kids are “safe” to molest and which are not. The ignorant and unaware ones are always the “safest.” To quote U.S. Supreme Court Justice Louis Brandeis, “Sunlight is the best disinfectant.”

· Reward and support the moderate, progressive educators. It is so frustrating to watch child-friendly programs get shot down time and again by judgmental communal attitudes. Principals who give children sufficient playtime get their schools branded as shvache (weak) mosdos. Schools that are tolerant in their admission policies or with the misdeeds of their students are often shunned and relegated to second-hand status. The result is that there are lots and lots of really great people in our chinuch system whose hands are frozen on the wheel – afraid to do reasonable things for the kids because they rightfully assume that it will be the “kiss of death” for their schools. I keep seeing this time and again – and I keep listening to such educators complaining to me that their hands are tied by parental pressure. “They” (our gedolim) didn’t create this mindset. We did. And we must stop this self-destructive behavior if we would like to see our schools initiate much-needed abuse-prevention programs.

· Do your homework and see what you can do to support organizations whose mission it is to prevent abuse and treat its victims. There are quite a number of established organizations that have programs for abuse prevention and/or treatment and several, which have been created over the past few years to address this issue.

One such effort is “Project Innocent Heart” (innocentheart.org, mail@innocentheart.org) founded by my dear friend, Dr. Sam Lupin and his wife Lynda, in memory of their beloved daughter Lois, a”h, who tragically passed away after a long bout with cancer. Innocent Heart is a visionary project looking to train therapists, help parents and educators teach their children about safety, and provide abuse victims with professional therapy on a sliding-scale payment basis.

Dr. Lupin prepared a budget that would allow for the treatment of 10 abused children in the first year – a number he felt was far more than a new, unadvertised program would attract. Well, six months later there are 25 children receiving help, and whenever I see Dr. Lupin in shul or around town, he tells me how he takes calls from parents of victims that leave him sickened and heartbroken, and he wonders how he will continue to fund this program.

So drop him a line and offer your support. Contact your local bikur cholim or other communal agencies and ask if they are providing services for abuse victims – and then offer to give your time and some of your charity funds to support their efforts.

To quote the Mishnah, “The day is short and there is much work to do.” We all know what the problems and challenges are regarding the abused and molested children in our community.

Let’s finally, “Deal With It.”

About the Author: Rabbi Yakov Horowitz is founder and dean of Yeshiva Darchei Noam and founder and director of Agudath Israel's Project Y.E.S.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Deal With It: Becoming Part Of The Solution”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
US Secretary of State John Kerry with German Foreign Minister Frank-Walter Steinmeier before P5+1 talks. Nov. 22, 2014.
BREAKING: West About to Cave on Key Iranian Demand
Latest Sections Stories
Kupfer-112114

Divorce from a vindictive, cruel spouse can be a lifelong nightmare when there are offspring.

Astaire-112114-Horse

There were many French Jews who jumped at the chance to shed their ancient identity and assimilate.

L to R: Sheldon Adelson, Shawn Evenhaim, Haim Saban

As Rabbi Shemtov stood on the stage and looked out at the attendees, he told them that “Rather than take photos with your cellphones, take a mental photo and keep this Shabbat in your mind and take it with you throughout your life.”

South-Florida-logo

Yeshiva v’Kollel Bais Moshe Chaim will be holding a grand celebration on the occasion of the institution’s 40th anniversary on Sunday evening, December 7. Alumni, students, friends and faculty of the yeshiva, also known as Talmudic University of Florida, will celebrate the achievement and vision of its founders and the spiritual guidance of its educational […]

The yeshiva night accommodates all levels of Jewish education.

Recently, Fort Lauderdale has been the focus of international news, and it has not been about the wonderful weather.

Rabbi Sacks held the position of chief rabbi of the United Hebrew Congregations of the Commonwealth for 22 years until September 2013.

The event included a dvar Torah by student Pesach Bixon, an overview of courses, information about student life and a student panel that answered frequently asked questions from a student perspective.

It is difficult to write about such a holy person, for I fear I will not accurately portray his greatness…

“Grandpa,” I wondered, as the swing began to slow down, “why are there numbers on your arm?”

So the real question is, “How can we, as hosts, make sure our guest beds are comfortable?” Because your guests will never say anything.

It was a land of opportunity, a place where someone who wasn’t afraid of a little hard work, or the challenges of adapting to a different climate and culture, could prosper.

Rule #1: A wife should never accompany her husband to hang out with his buddies at a fantasy football draft. Unless beer and cigars are her thing, that is.

There are many people today with very little training who put out shingles and proclaim themselves to be marital coaches, shalom bayis helpers, advisers etc.

The two World Series combatants, the Kansas City Royals and the San Francisco Giants, were Wild Card teams (meaning they didn’t win their respective divisions) that got hot at the right time.

More Articles from Rabbi Yakov Horowitz
jewish psyciatrist

Those of us familiar with the do’s and don’ts of accepted practice in the mental health profession saw similar blaring warning lights in our minds, as should have occurred when the facts were made public regarding the accusations against Nehemia Weberman. This case may very well be our community’s most important abuse trial during our lifetimes. It is imperative that we have a huge turnout in support of the victim, a courageous young lady who, may she be gezunt andge’bentched, is determined to see this through to the end so others won’t suffer like she did.

Rabbi Yakov Horowitz

In part the altered lives victims of abuse and molestation live are a result of the abuse itself. But it is in part also because of the unfortunate negative reaction to the victims by their own community.

These lines are written in loving memory of our dear father, Reb Shlomo Zev ben Reb Baruch Yehudah Nutovic, a”h, whose first yahrzeit is 7 Menachem Av. May the positive lessons learned from this essay be a zechus for his neshamah.

All responsible leaders in our community have roundly condemned the recent violence in Beit Shemesh and Meah Shearim.

A surefire way to gauge the generation in which a person was raised is to have him or her fill in the following sentence: Where were you when ?”

Baby Boomers would ask, “When President Kennedy was shot?” Thirtysomethings would respond, “When the space shuttle exploded?” Today’s teenagers would reply, “On 9/11?”

One week ago on my website I announced my intention to attend the next court appearance of a man who was arrested last year and is now standing trial on 10 felony charges of child abuse.

Dear Rabbi Horowitz:

We were taken aback when our 18-year-old son just called us from Eretz Yisrael (we live in Europe) and told us that he was coming home and wants to immediately go to work. He said that he is wasting his time in yeshiva, and just can’t take it anymore. He said that he will “run away from home” if we don’t allow him to go to work.

Digital images of the profoundly disturbing computer-smashing ceremony conducted by Rabbi Aaron Feinhandler have been viewed by countless thousands of Jews worldwide over the past few weeks.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/parenting-our-children/deal-with-it-becoming-part-of-the-solution/2008/09/24/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: