web analytics
December 29, 2014 / 7 Tevet, 5775
 
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
8000 meals Celebrate Eight Days of Chanukah – With 8,000 Free Meals Daily to Israel’s Poor

Join Meir Panim’s campaign to “light up” Chanukah for families in need.



Dealing With Bullying

Respler-010413

Dear Dr. Yael:

My seven-year-old daughter is having a very difficult time socially in school. Another girl is making fun of her, and I do not know how to fix the problem. Because she wants to be friends with this girl (although I am not sure why), she puts herself in situations where she is the target of the girl’s ridicule.

There are times when the girl is nice to her, but I think that is only when she has no one else to be with. As soon as another girl comes along, my daughter is once again the target of her mockery. My shy and quiet daughter likes the attention she’s sometimes receiving, but I do not want her to lose her self-esteem – which is already fragile.

Is there any way I can help my daughter stand up for herself? I want to change this situation before things get worse.

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous:

Social situations can be very tricky. You are right to want to resolve this issue while your daughter is young. First, it is important to speak with your daughter’s teacher to make sure she is aware of the situation and is able to keep an eye on things during the school day. When teachers involve the whole class in a group activity, they are usually better able to monitor the situation and ensure that the children are being kind to each other. This also gives them an opportunity to teach the children how to improve their social behavior.

Ask your daughter for specific examples regarding her mistreatment and teach her what to do differently. For example, if the other girl is telling your daughter that she does not know how to do something, your daughter can say “Oh, I am sorry you feel that way” in a strong and confident voice. She can then continue on as if nothing happened. You will need to practice these exercises with her so that she becomes more comfortable with the wording the two of you decide on, and thus gains confidence when actually saying it.

Also, the tone of voice is most important because once this other girl sees that your daughter does not care what she says, she will stop bothering her. You can also try to get your daughter to play with other girls who are nicer to her, which will help her stay away from this girl. It is important that your daughter show her that she does need her as a friend.

It is integral that parents of young children become more proactive in these situations. Once children get older it is harder for parents to intervene, and the child will need to deal with the situation on his or her own. You are lucky to have realized this situation at this early stage, enabling you to still get involved.

Parents of bullies also need to get help for their children; they need to be taught social skills and the best way to socialize. Children who are mean to others often suffer from low self-esteem and make themselves feel better by putting others down. They need to be taught how to build themselves up. By helping these children when they are young, we are avoiding larger issues down the road. In elementary school, some may consider the bully as cool, but more often then not, these children will be dealing with more social issues as they older and realize that no one wants to be friends with the mean kids anymore.

Baruch Hashem, even though bullying is very prevalent in our schools, there are specialists being brought into yeshivas to deal with the issue.

If your school does not have one, please encourage them to hire such a specialist, as much there is much that can be done to help alleviate this problem. In general I have found that girls’ schools are more open to this suggestion.

Please take the initiative by meeting with your daughter’s principal. Your daughter may not be the only student in her class suffering from being bullied, and by helping her you may actually help save other Yiddishe neshamos.

It is important to remember that both the child bully and his or her victim are at risk of going off the derech if they do not get the help they need.

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

One Response to “Dealing With Bullying”

  1. One of the most painful aspects of bullying is that it is resentful. Children who are bullied are usually afraid to speak out, even to parents and teachers. They fear that the bullying will get worse when they tell, and they are ashamed. These can make them risk for mental health problems, such as low self-esteem, stress, depression, or anxiety. They may also think about suicide, which we don't want to happen to our children. However, parents can help their children by encouraging them to open up about it. It maybe difficult for parents to talk about, but it is important that children know they can talk to you, before they are involved in bullying in any way. I'm a mother who's having a son who got bullied before through out his grade school days. And bullying has always been a tremendous concern for me. That is why, I thought of any possible way to help my son with his enduring pain to end. Good thing that one of my friend introduces me with this cell-phone based application for safety and protection. I was amazed with the service they have because if there is a real emergency, reaching 911 is much more easier and more accurate, for they are using GPS to locate the person does need of help. Here, you can also try this to protect your kids' from danger. Check this out: http:safekidzone.com/.

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Brandeis University junior Khadijah Lynch who tweeted she has "no sympathy" for slain NYPD officers, shown here on "Wake Up With Tayla Andre, "Dec. 24, 2014.
A War of Words (Some More Accurate Than Others) at Brandeis
Latest Sections Stories
Collecting-History-logo

An incredible child protégé and a world chess champion, Boris Spassky (1937- ), best known for his “Match of the Century” loss in Reykjavík to Fischer, will always be inexorably tied to the latter.

book-super-secret-diary

Who hasn’t experienced how hard it can be to fit in?

In our times, most of us when we pray, our minds are on something else-it is hard to focus all the time.

The participants discussed the rich Jewish-Hungarian heritage, including that two-thirds of the fourteen Hungarian Nobel Prize winners have Jewish origin.

Today’s smiles are in the merit of my friend and I made a conscious effort to smile throughout the day.

When someone with a fixed mindset has a negative interaction with a friend or loved one, he or she immediately projects that rejection onto him or herself saying: “I’m unlovable.”

How many potential shidduchim are not coming about because we, the mothers, are not allowing them to go through?

Is the Torah offering nechama by subtly hinting that death brings reunion with loved ones who preceded you?

She approached Holofernes and, with a sword concealed under her robe, severed his head.

Here are examples of games that need to be played by more than one person and an added bonus: they’re all Shabbos-friendly.

The incident was completely unforeseeable. The only term to describe the set of circumstances surrounding it is “freak occurrence.”

The first Chabad Center in Broward County, Chabad of South Broward, now runs nearly fifty programs and agencies. T

More Articles from Dr. Yael Respler
Respler-121914

How many potential shidduchim are not coming about because we, the mothers, are not allowing them to go through?

Respler-logo-NEW

I so desperately want to have a loving relationship with my stepsons.

Isn’t there anyone making a simcha who understands that loud music can cause hearing loss?

My mother thinks of herself as a superior person, has very little feelings for other people, and probably suffers from a deep lack of self-esteem.

Sometimes the most powerful countermove one can make when a person is screaming is to calmly say that her behavior is not helpful and then continue interacting with the rest of the family while ignoring the enraged person.

There are many people today with very little training who put out shingles and proclaim themselves to be marital coaches, shalom bayis helpers, advisers etc.

When one marries someone with children, all family members must accept them.

My mother-in-law is totally devoted to her daughters and their children. Her sons’ children on the other hand are treated like second-class citizens.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/parenting-our-children/dealing-with-bullying/2013/01/04/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: