web analytics
August 3, 2015 / 18 Av, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post


Don’t Bite The Hand That Feeds You (Part II)


Schild-Edwin

So where exactly is the problem?  When our children have the attitude that life owes them – everything.  All that does is breed resentment and anger, when the expectations are not fulfilled.  Take the thirteen-year-old who says she “needs” a cell phone (not a want but a need). If she does not get a cell phone, her feeling of this is unfair can lead to anger and very often acting out.

Another area where people have a sense of entitlement is in the realm of appreciation, which has the tremendous power to bond two people.  Those who care and show their caring by giving, usually want to see some form of appreciation.  What happens when we do something for someone else?  Don’t most of us want to be recognized for the well-meaning act?

How do we teach children to feel, and show, appreciation?  Only by showing them the difference between a true need and what is only a desire, a want.  In fact, do our children even know what appreciation is?  Do they know the importance of appreciation in their relationships with others?  Why they should show appreciation and why not?  Once you answer these questions you are on the road to knowing how to teach children to show, feel and appreciate.

The attitude of entitlement is often compared to narcissism whereby one is egotistic, conceited, vain, and perhaps even selfish.  It’s like saying (and believing) that, “I want what I want because I want it – and I deserve it.”  As we said, we see more and more examples of this sense of entitlement from kids and teens.  They expect things from their parents, their teachers and even their peers.  And if they don’t get what they want, they feel victimized – which again, almost always leads to anger and acting out.

Where does it say that we are entitled to anything?  Are we entitled to a happy marriage, good children, wealth and having all our desires met?  Obviously not.  So, if we can teach our children, and ourselves, to embrace gratitude and eliminate the “its coming to me attitude,” we would all be less frustrated and happier people.

Gratitude can be defined as being grateful and appreciative of what we have.  Rather than expecting everything, we change the attitude of expecting to one of being grateful for what we have received.  This would be like recognizing everything I have as a gift.  For example, my happy marriage, my good kids, my wealth, my appreciative boss, my eyesight and other senses – all wonderful gifts that have been bestowed on me by the Almighty.  To being given these wonderful gifts mean we are receivers, not just givers.

Rabbi Dov Heller in his article Mastering The Gratitude Attitude relates the story of Bruriah, the wife of Rabi Meir.  Bruriah and Rabi Meir, had two sons who both died on Shabbat.  Bruriah decided not to tell her husband of the tragedy until after Shabbat since Jewish law prohibits public mourning on Shabbat.   As nothing could be done until after Shabbat she kept the information to herself and allowed her husband to enjoy the day.  When Shabbat was over Bruriah approached her husband with a legal question:  What is the proper course of action if one person borrows two jewels from another and the original owner requests the jewels be returned.  He replied that one is obligated to return the loan upon demand.  She then took her husband to where their two dead sons lay and said, “G-d has requested that we return the loan of our two jewels.”

In a powerful manner, Bruriah teaches us a potentially life transforming lesson:  Everything we have is on loan from the Almighty!  Let’s strengthen our values of appreciation, realize that nothing is coming to us and that everything we have is a blessing.  Our children learn from us.  We, and our children, shall merit from such a change of beliefs and attitude.

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Don’t Bite The Hand That Feeds You (Part II)”

Comments are closed.

Current Top Story
Iranian President Hassan Rouhani
Rouhani: Iran Has Right to Enrich Uranium Under Nuclear Deal
Latest Sections Stories

We studied his seforim together, we listened to famous cantorial masters and we spoke of his illustrious yichus, his pedigree, dating back to the famous commentator, Rashi.

Singer-Saul-Jay-logo-NEW

Jews who were considered, but not ultimately selected, include Woody Allen, Saul Bellow, David Ben-Gurion, Marc Chagall, Anne Frank, and Barbra Streisand.

Personally I wish that I had a mother like my wife.

What’s the difference between the first and second ten-year-old?

What makes this diary so historically significant is that it is not just the private memoir of Dr. Seidman. Rather, it is a reflection of the suffering of Klal Yisrael at that time.

Rabbi Lau is a world class speaker. When he relates stories, even concentration camp stories, the audience is mesmerized. As we would soon discover, he is in the movie as well.

Each essay, some adapted from lectures Furst prepared for live audiences, begins with several basic questions around a key topic.

For the last several years, four Jewish schools in the Baltimore Jewish community have been expelling students who have not received their vaccinations.

“We can’t wait for session II to begin” said camp director Mrs. Judy Neufeld.

More Articles from Edwin Schild
Schild-Edwin

Interestingly, sometimes people who have a very high self-awareness may experience intense reactions to circumstances that others might respond to more mildly.

Schild-Edwin

We define stress as the feeling we get when there is too much to do and too little time to do it in.

I’d like to share some valuable insights that, with clear and meaningful understanding, will have a tremendous impact on our family’s future

Josh is only nine years old, yet he’s an addict. How is that possible? You’re wondering where he gets his drugs from, how does his addiction manifest itself and if there are treatment plans.

often find myself telling clients, “There is no such thing as emotions!” Then I wait for their reactions. My hope is that the client will challenge me, as obviously we all experience emotions. It’s the way we are wired.

In Part I talked about celebrating 30 years of Regesh Family and Child Services providing services to children, teens and families. I shared the agency’s origin and the many lessons I have learned through this journey. As I mentioned, it is my hope that my experiences will add to your toolbox of life skills.

As I look back, it is clear that I learned much as an administrator and therapist – and as an individual experiencing life. I hope you will stay with me as I reminisce.

I know what you are thinking. What possible situation could cause a professional to advise a parent to “Pray hard that your children ignore you”?

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/parenting-our-children/don%e2%80%99t-bite-the-hand-that-feeds-you-part-ii/2011/10/26/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: