web analytics
September 2, 2015 / 18 Elul, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post


Integration: Helping Our Children Use Their Whole Brains


Schonfeld-logo1

“But, I can’t reach the light!” Yoni yelled after his father asked him to turn on the hallway light.

“Yoni, you can reach the switch. You have done it hundreds of times before. You just need to go brush your teeth and in order to get to the bathroom, you need to go through the hallway,” his father, Noam, sighed.

He could tell by Yoni’s body language that this fit was going to be a long one. Yoni was already sprawled on the floor, his hands tightly balled into fists.

“I can’t. I don’t remember how,” Yoni whined.

Noam knew this was not true. Just a few minutes before, he had turned off the light. Today, Yoni just felt like refusing to cooperate.

“Well, Yoni, if you can’t reach the light, then you won’t be able to brush your teeth and we won’t have time for a bedtime story before bed.”

“No! You can tell me the story now! And, you can turn on the light. I just can’t reach it. Tatty, I can’t reach it. I can’t!”

Just then, Yoni’s little brother Binny waddled into the room. “Tatty, I can’t sleep with all the yelling,” Binny sniffled, holding onto his blanket.

“Okay, Binny. Go back to bed. It’s going to be quiet soon,” Noam said. But, he wasn’t so sure. Once Yoni got started, Noam always seemed to say the wrong thing and set him off for longer.

***

I have often discussed dealing the “explosive child” or a child who struggles with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD). To help the explosive child, I often mention Dr. Ross Greene’s groundbreaking work on using “Plan B.” Recently, another approach has been gaining popularity. This approach promoted by Daniel J. Siegel, MD, is about “the whole-brain child.”

The strategies Seigel suggests are not just for explosive children, but everyday parenting struggles. Seigel explains that parents are often experts about their children’s bodies. They know how much temperature is considered a fever, the correct dosage of Tylenol, how to clean a cut and bandage it, and which foods they are allergic to. Interestingly, he points out that even educated and concerned parents know very little about how the mechanics of the brain work. Yet, the biology of the brain is responsible for so much of what parents care about: discipline, decision-making, self-awareness, school, relationships and self-esteem.

The more we know about how our children’s brains work, the better we will be able nurture stronger, more resilient children. Not only that, but it can make parenting easier and more meaningful. The goal of this article is to give you a taste of how Seigel’s “whole brain perspective” can be applied to everyday parenting moments. This is not a manual that will eliminate all the stress involved in parenting, however, it should help explain some often-inexplicable occurrences.

Integration

The main concept behind the whole-brain child is integration. When the different parts of the brain collaborate, they create more robust connections. The better and more powerfully connected, or integrated, the different parts of the brain are, the more harmoniously they can work together.

So, how can you recognize when your child’s brain (or your brain) is in a state of integration? Seigel explains that integration is like floating in the middle of a river – and avoiding the river’s two banks. One side, he explains, is the bank of chaos, where you feel out of control. “Instead of floating in the peaceful river, you are caught up in the pull of the tumultuous rapids, and confusion and turmoil rule the day.” On the other bank of the river lies rigidity. As opposed to being out of control, you are “imposing control on everything and everyone around you.” You are unwilling to compromise or adapt.

We all move back and forth between chaos and rigidity throughout the day. When we are farthest from the middle of the river, we are also farthest from mental and emotional health. The better we are at avoiding the extremes, the more time we spend in “the river of well-being.”

Our children float along their own “rivers” and when we are in situations in which they lose their tempers or throw tantrums, framing their behavior through this lens can help us understand how well-integrated the different parts of their brains are at that moment. With this knowledge, you can help guide your child back to the middle ground.

About the Author: An acclaimed educator and social skills ​specialist​, Mrs. Rifka Schonfeld has served the Jewish community for close to thirty years. She founded and directs the widely acclaimed educational program, SOS, servicing all grade levels in secular as well as Hebrew studies. A kriah and reading specialist, she has given dynamic workshops and has set up reading labs in many schools. In addition, she offers evaluations G.E.D. preparation, social skills training and shidduch coaching, focusing on building self-esteem and self-awareness. She can be reached at 718-382-5437 or at rifkaschonfeld@gmail.com.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Integration: Helping Our Children Use Their Whole Brains”

Comments are closed.

Current Top Story
Israeli Apartheid Week at the University of California, Los Angeles campus.
The Red Herring of the Definition Debate
Latest Sections Stories
Lunchbox Restaurant in Tel Aviv.

Bringing your own sandwich to a restaurant would appear as the height of chutzpah, but not any more—at least not at Lunchbox…

Recipe-082815-LChaim-cookbook

Last year, OneFamily published a cookbook in Hebrew featuring the bereaved mothers’ recipes.

Astaire-082815-Books

How did an unresolved murder case turn into an accusation of ritual murder?

Recipe-082815-Apple-cover

Excerpted from The Apple Cookbook (c) Olwen Woodier. Photography by (c) Leigh Beisch Photography with Food Stylist Robyn Valarik. Used with permission of Storey Publishing.

The flag had been taken down in the aftermath of the Charleston shooting and was now back and flying.

A light breakfast of coffee and danishes will be available during the program.

A variety of glatt kosher food will be available for purchase at Kosher Korner (near Section 1).

Jewish Press South Florida Editor Shelley Benveniste will deliver a talk.

Corey Brier, corresponding secretary of the organization, introduced the rabbi.

The magnificent 400-seat sanctuary with beautiful stained glass windows, a stunning carved glass Aron Kodesh, a ballroom, social hall, and beis medrash will accommodate the growing synagogue.

Even when our prayers are ignored and troubles confront us, Rabbi Shoff teaches that it is the same God who sent the difficulties as who answered our prayers before.

I’ve put together some of the most frequently asked questions regarding bullies, friendship and learning disabilities.

His parents make it clear that they feel the right thing is for Avi to visit his grandfather, but they leave it up to him.

More Articles from Rifka Schonfeld
Schonfeld-logo1

I’ve put together some of the most frequently asked questions regarding bullies, friendship and learning disabilities.

Schonfeld-logo1

“Worrying is carrying tomorrow’s load with today’s strength – carrying two days at once. It is moving into tomorrow ahead of time. Worrying doesn’t empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.” – Corrie ten Boom I’ve been thinking a lot about worrying. Anxiety is an issue close to my heart – […]

All of us wish to act in kind, compassionate and intelligent ways. We all wish to build character.

They are habits. And though each habit means relatively little on its own, over time, the meals we order… have enormous impacts on our heath, productivity, financial security, and happiness.

What’s the difference between the first and second ten-year-old?

So, what do we do about grammar? Should we do grammar drills? Should we hope that the students pick it up from reading?

Most experts agree that with specialized coaching, a person’s social “intelligence” can be significantly raised.

Children with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) or Executive Function Disorder (EFD) have trouble keeping themselves organized and on-task.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/parenting-our-children/integration-helping-our-children-use-their-whole-brains/2013/03/07/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: