web analytics
December 18, 2014 / 26 Kislev, 5775
 
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
Knesset and Menorah Lawyers Called Upon to Use Their Legal Skills in Israel’s Defense

Learn about the up to the minute human rights and legal challenges facing Israel, while networking with other likeminded professionals and earning CLE credits in your jurisdictions – all at the same time



Let Kids Be Kids

Respler-060112

Dear Dr. Yael:

I now see why so many children are insecure.

I have been a day-care provider for many years. When parents initially consider day care they want a small group so their children will not be neglected. But problems arise when their children turn two, and nursery or playgroup becomes an option. All of a sudden a group of 20-25 children is not a problem because it is much cheaper. I refer to two-two and a half year olds, whose parents feel that they need to exclusively be with children their own age.

These children nap for a good two hours; being in a disciplined environment is not really a must at this age. I have witnessed many playgroup settings where “let’s go, you have to come with us,” or “you have to… etc.” are the prevalent phrases.

Here’s my question: Why can’t these children enjoy being toddlers? In daycare we play, read stories, paint, etc. But if a child does not want to join and would rather play with his cars or trains, what’s the harm? I respect and welcome your opinion.

Morah Deena

Note to readers: The following reply was written by Dr. Orit Respler-Herman, a child psychologist:

Dear Morah Deena:

Younger children definitely need more attention than older ones and, while it is good to teach children, as they get older, to be more independent, two-year-olds are definitely too young to advocate for themselves when they are in group of 20-25 other children. Of course every child is different, some being more mature than others. However, a study completed by two Harvard Medical School researchers, Michael L. Commons and Patrice M. Miller, found that America’s “let them cry” attitude toward children can lead to more fears and insecurities among adults.

The researchers further found that physical contact and reassurance will make children more secure and better able to form adult relationships when they finally make their own way in life. Many playgroups are aware that children need much love and attention, and ensure that they receive an abundance of it. But some nurseries have too many children and thus cannot guarantee that the children’s emotional needs are being met. These places should certainly be avoided, even if they have a monetary lure.

The money that will be saved by sending your precious children to a place that may not feed their emotional requirements will surely be used later on in life to help him or her regain self-esteem. To build up that self-esteem now, it is imperative that you give your children your time and love when they are with you. And when they’re in school, it is also very important to ensure that they receive love and attention in order to feel secure in your absence.

Self-esteem is one of the greatest gifts parents can give their children. When children feel secure, they can make better life choices regarding friends, schoolwork, and eventually a spouse. Conversely, insecure children often have various social and academic problems that can permeate their lives. If parents try hard to imbue their children with self-esteem, why would they allow them to be neglected in school?

As children mature and gain more independence, they are expected to function in a classroom with 20-25 children. While all children surely benefit from some one-on-one attention, it is important that they learn to become more independent and to wait for their needs to be met.

As with everything else, children need a balance between attention and independence. They need us to fill their lives with love and positive energy, but as they grow older they also need to learn that they are not the center of everyone’s universe and that they will sometimes have to wait for their needs to be met. This is why we usually encourage parents to give children some sort of pre-school experience. In addition to the excellent social skills that children learn from attending school, they also learn how to function within a group setting along with the basic give-and-take of a micro-society.

Thus I agree that younger children (i.e. 2-3 year olds) benefit from a smaller-size daycare or playgroup surrounding. It would be ideal for a parent to find a small playgroup (5-7 children) with a morah that is loving and laid back. It is beneficial for all children, whatever the age, to have structure. At the same time, young children need the freedom to follow their own will – within certain parameters.

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Let Kids Be Kids”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
The Harvard seal, "veritas," on the side of a Harvard building.
Harvard Boycotts SodaStream (Despite Company’s Surrender)
Latest Sections Stories
South-Florida-logo

Rav Dynovisz will be speaking in Hebrew on Wednesday, January 7, at 7:30 p.m.

South-Florida-logo

Rabbi Simeon Schreiber, senior chaplain at Mount Sinai Medical Center in Miami Beach, saw a small room in the hospital that was dark and dismal but could be used for Sabbath guests.

Eller-121914-Main

“The secret to a good donut is using quality ingredients and the ability to be patient and give them time to proof.”

I so desperately want to have a loving relationship with my stepsons.

The Liberty Bell is a symbol of American Independence.

Because you can’t have kids pouring huge jugs of oil into tiny glasses, unless you want to turn your house into an environmental disaster.

Try these with your kids; there’s something for every age group and once all the recipes are made, dinner will be ready!

You children will build the country and you will help restore Israel to her former glory.

Bais Toras Menachem is proud to welcome its new staff member, Yaakov Mark, who will be the Administrator as well as Ort College and GED class coordinator.

Because she is keenly aware that anti-Semitism may start with the Jews but never ends with the Jews, she makes the logical connection between the opprobrium for both America and Israel so commonplace on the political left.

In this narrative of history, it is the third world Palestinians who are victims of the marauding Jews, of course.

During 1939, anti-Semitic groups such as Fritz Kuhn’s German American Bund held rallies in New York and other major cities across the country.

More Articles from Dr. Yael Respler
Respler-logo-NEW

I so desperately want to have a loving relationship with my stepsons.

Respler-logo-NEW

Isn’t there anyone making a simcha who understands that loud music can cause hearing loss?

My mother thinks of herself as a superior person, has very little feelings for other people, and probably suffers from a deep lack of self-esteem.

Sometimes the most powerful countermove one can make when a person is screaming is to calmly say that her behavior is not helpful and then continue interacting with the rest of the family while ignoring the enraged person.

There are many people today with very little training who put out shingles and proclaim themselves to be marital coaches, shalom bayis helpers, advisers etc.

When one marries someone with children, all family members must accept them.

My mother-in-law is totally devoted to her daughters and their children. Her sons’ children on the other hand are treated like second-class citizens.

How can I help my wife learn to say “no,” and understand that her first priority must be her husband and family?

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/parenting-our-children/let-kids-be-kids/2012/06/04/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: