web analytics
January 28, 2015 / 8 Shevat, 5775
 
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post


Let Kids Be Kids

Respler-060112

Dear Dr. Yael:

I now see why so many children are insecure.

I have been a day-care provider for many years. When parents initially consider day care they want a small group so their children will not be neglected. But problems arise when their children turn two, and nursery or playgroup becomes an option. All of a sudden a group of 20-25 children is not a problem because it is much cheaper. I refer to two-two and a half year olds, whose parents feel that they need to exclusively be with children their own age.

These children nap for a good two hours; being in a disciplined environment is not really a must at this age. I have witnessed many playgroup settings where “let’s go, you have to come with us,” or “you have to… etc.” are the prevalent phrases.

Here’s my question: Why can’t these children enjoy being toddlers? In daycare we play, read stories, paint, etc. But if a child does not want to join and would rather play with his cars or trains, what’s the harm? I respect and welcome your opinion.

Morah Deena

Note to readers: The following reply was written by Dr. Orit Respler-Herman, a child psychologist:

Dear Morah Deena:

Younger children definitely need more attention than older ones and, while it is good to teach children, as they get older, to be more independent, two-year-olds are definitely too young to advocate for themselves when they are in group of 20-25 other children. Of course every child is different, some being more mature than others. However, a study completed by two Harvard Medical School researchers, Michael L. Commons and Patrice M. Miller, found that America’s “let them cry” attitude toward children can lead to more fears and insecurities among adults.

The researchers further found that physical contact and reassurance will make children more secure and better able to form adult relationships when they finally make their own way in life. Many playgroups are aware that children need much love and attention, and ensure that they receive an abundance of it. But some nurseries have too many children and thus cannot guarantee that the children’s emotional needs are being met. These places should certainly be avoided, even if they have a monetary lure.

The money that will be saved by sending your precious children to a place that may not feed their emotional requirements will surely be used later on in life to help him or her regain self-esteem. To build up that self-esteem now, it is imperative that you give your children your time and love when they are with you. And when they’re in school, it is also very important to ensure that they receive love and attention in order to feel secure in your absence.

Self-esteem is one of the greatest gifts parents can give their children. When children feel secure, they can make better life choices regarding friends, schoolwork, and eventually a spouse. Conversely, insecure children often have various social and academic problems that can permeate their lives. If parents try hard to imbue their children with self-esteem, why would they allow them to be neglected in school?

As children mature and gain more independence, they are expected to function in a classroom with 20-25 children. While all children surely benefit from some one-on-one attention, it is important that they learn to become more independent and to wait for their needs to be met.

As with everything else, children need a balance between attention and independence. They need us to fill their lives with love and positive energy, but as they grow older they also need to learn that they are not the center of everyone’s universe and that they will sometimes have to wait for their needs to be met. This is why we usually encourage parents to give children some sort of pre-school experience. In addition to the excellent social skills that children learn from attending school, they also learn how to function within a group setting along with the basic give-and-take of a micro-society.

Thus I agree that younger children (i.e. 2-3 year olds) benefit from a smaller-size daycare or playgroup surrounding. It would be ideal for a parent to find a small playgroup (5-7 children) with a morah that is loving and laid back. It is beneficial for all children, whatever the age, to have structure. At the same time, young children need the freedom to follow their own will – within certain parameters.

Thank you for bringing this issue to the forefront, as some parents do not understand the importance that playgroup/daycare play in their child’s life. Children spend many hours in school or daycare, and having them in a secure environment is paramount to their development. Hatzlachah!

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Let Kids Be Kids”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
The IAF reportedly hit a Syrian military target in Damascus around midnight.
IDF Retaliates Against Syrian Military Targets, Sets Off Rocket Alarms on the Golan
Latest Sections Stories
Resnick-012315-Artist

Nouril concluded he had no choice: He had to become more observant.

Respler-012315

I find his mother to be a difficult person and my nature is to stay away from people like that.

Here are some recipes to make your Chag La’Illanot a festive one.

Baim-012315

Does standing under the chuppah signal the end of our dream of romance and beautiful sunsets?

We aren’t at a platform; we are underground, just sitting there.

Dr. Lowy believed passionately in higher education for both men and women and would stop at nothing to assist young students in achieving their educational goals.

It’s almost pointless to try to summarize all of the fascinating information that Holzer’s research unearthed.

The special charm of these letters is their immediacy and authenticity of emotion and description.

Why is there such a steep learning curve for teachers? And what can we, as educators and community activists, do better in the educational system and keep first-year teachers in the job?

Teachers, as well as administrators, must be actively involved in the daily prayers that transpire at a school and must set the bar as dugmaot ishiot, role models, on how one must daven.

Often both girls and boys compare their date to their parents.

We love the food, the hotels, and even the wildlife. We love the Israelis.

Few traces remain of the glory days of Jewish life in the kingdoms of Sicily and Naples, but the demise wasn’t due to the eruption of nearby Mount Vesuvius. Rather it was a manmade volcano called the Edict of Expulsion from Spain – and not even an invitation to return in Shevat of 1740 could […]

More Articles from Dr. Yael Respler
Respler-012315

I find his mother to be a difficult person and my nature is to stay away from people like that.

Respler-011615

Often both girls and boys compare their date to their parents.

The Moroccan wife’s chief pride is showing that she ought to win the prize for the most attentive and solicitous spouse and mother.

Both parties need to become more tolerant of one another.

I think a major problem within the “single” community is the pressure to get married ASAP.

How many potential shidduchim are not coming about because we, the mothers, are not allowing them to go through?

I so desperately want to have a loving relationship with my stepsons.

Isn’t there anyone making a simcha who understands that loud music can cause hearing loss?

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/parenting-our-children/let-kids-be-kids/2012/06/04/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: