web analytics
September 3, 2015 / 19 Elul, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post


Mirror Your Child’s Feelings


Schonbuch-Rabbi-Daniel

Mom: That must make you really disappointed. I know you were looking forward to it.

Rebecca: Yeah, just because some kids don’t behave, we all have to get punished!

Mom: Yeah, I see.

Rebecca: I can’t believe my teacher. She is really an idiot.

Mom: Your teacher is making you feel upset.

Rebecca: Yeah, why do we all have to suffer because of a few stupid girls?

Mom: You feel you’re suffering because of some of the girls.

Rebecca: That’s right.

Notice how the active listening parent is allowing her child to speak about her feelings and not trying to solve her problems. By doing so, she is building trust and communicating to Rebecca that she can always approach her mother when she is upset.

Steven Gets Punched

Here, Steven’s mother is not using active listening techniques.

Steven: Chaim punched me today during lunchtime.

Mom: What a jerk that kid is!

Steven: Yeah, he’s an idiot.

Mom: You better believe it.

Steven: I’m going to kill him tomorrow!

Mom: Tell him never to touch you again.

Steven: I’m first going to tell the Rebbe.

Mom: Tell him how bad that kid is and that he should be punished.

Using active listening produces an entirely different conversation.

Steven: Chaim punched me today during lunchtime.

Mom: Chaim punched you.

Steven: Yeah, he’s an idiot.

Mom: I see.

Steven: I’m going to kill him tomorrow!

Mom: Getting punched really hurt you.

Steven: Yeah, I’m going to tell the Rebbe.

Mom: I hear how much you want Chaim to stop punching you.

Steven: That’s right.

 

Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch, MA, is a Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in marriage counseling and teens at risk. He is the author of “At Risk – Never Beyond Reach” and “First Aid for Jewish Marriages.” To order a copy, visit www.JewishMarriageSupport.com. For an appointment call 646-428-4723.

About the Author: Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch, MA, LMFT is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. He is an expert in marriage counseling, pre-marital education, treating Anxiety and Depression, and helping teens in crisis with offices in Brooklyn. To watch his free videos on marriage and parenting and for appointments visit: www.JewishMarriageSupport.com, email rabbischonbuch@yahoo.com or call 646-428-4723.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Mirror Your Child’s Feelings”

Comments are closed.

Current Top Story
Palestinian Arabs in Hebron attempted to lynch five religious Jews from the U.S., tourists who mistakenly entered the Arab side of the city.
Attempted Lynch Attack on 5 US Jewish Tourists in Hebron, Saved by Local Arab

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/parenting-our-children/mirror-your-childs-feelings/2011/01/05/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: