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October 1, 2014 / 7 Tishri, 5775
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More Common Teenage Issues


Schonbuch-Rabbi-Daniel

Ask teenagers what they think of school, and these are some of the answers they will give you:

“The teachers are mean and don’t understand me.” “You don’t get to sit next to your friends.” “I am always singled out and punished, but I didn’t do it.” “The teacher hates me and I hate him.” “Lunch is too short, classes are too long, and recess is never long enough.” “There’s too much homework.”

Now you know more about just who those gremlins are who have captured your teenager. You also know that the gremlins will return your child in a few years. The question is, how are you going to deal with the situation now, while you are waiting?

In the following weeks, we will look at ways of dealing with your teenager’s inner issues, how to develop a relationship of mutual respect, how to decide which problems you should or shouldn’t respond to, and how to encourage your teenager to make positive choices in his or her life.

Parenting Tips

Improve the quality of your relationship with your teenager. Identify your parenting values and goals and modify them for a teenager at risk. Learn about the common issues your teenager may be facing. Realize that many teenage problems subside and therefore you will do best to focus on the long-term development of the relationship.

Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch, MA, is the Executive Director of Shalom Task Force and author of “At Risk – Never Beyond Reach” and “First Aid for Jewish Marriages.” To order a copy, visit www.JewishMarriageSupport.com. For more information about Shalom Task Force, please visit www.shalomtaskforce.org. You can e-mail questions to him at rabbischonbuch@yahoo.com.

About the Author: Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch, MA, Marriage and Family Therapy, is an expert in marriage counseling, pre-marital education, and helping teens in crisis with offices in Flatbush, Cedarhurst, and Crown Heights. He is a certified PAIRS instructor, and trained as a Level 1, Emotionally Focused Therapist at the Ackerman Institute for the Family, and is a member of AASECT. He is the author of At Risk – Never Beyond Reach and First Aid For Jewish Marriages. To watch his free videos on marriage and parenting and for appointments visit: www.JewishMarriageSupport.com or call 646-428-4723


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More Articles from Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch
Schonbuch-Rabbi-Daniel

Separation anxiety disorder is a condition in which a child becomes fearful and nervous when away from home or separated from a loved one – usually a parent or other caregiver – to whom the child is attached.

Schonbuch-Rabbi-Daniel

I try to focus on the parents in a way that is not often addressed. As soon as the child gets anxious, the parent gets anxious;

Most people are not aware that anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the United States, affecting 40 million adults age 18 and older (18% of U.S. population).

Parental conflict affects children in varying ways, depending on their age. For example, teenagers around the age of fifteen or sixteen are most likely to involve themselves in their parents’ battles. Younger children may keep their feelings hidden inside and may only show signs of depression in late childhood or early adolescence.

When parents come to talk to me about a troubled child or teenager, I often find it helpful to explore whether or not their marriage is causing their teenager to be at risk.

Active listening is only one part of the marriage equation; learning what to say and what not to say is the other half. And, it’s not just about expressing your feelings, but doing it in a way that avoids hurting the other person.

Control may be the most destructive force influencing a marriage. Let me illustrate this point with the following story. About two years ago a woman named Bracha, 47, came to speak to me about her husband’s controlling behavior. This is how she described her precarious situation:

Controlling behavior may be the number one reason that your marriage needs first aid.

If you are unfamiliar with the topic of control, it’s no surprise. Most people are unaware that control is a major issue for counselors, therapists and psychologists-at-large.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/parenting-our-children/more-common-teenage-issues/2010/01/08/

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