web analytics
September 22, 2014 / 27 Elul, 5774
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
Meir Panim with Soldiers 5774 Roundup: Year of Relief and Service for Israel’s Needy

Meir Panim implements programs that serve Israel’s neediest populations with respect and dignity. Meir Panim also coordinated care packages for families in the South during the Gaza War.



Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me

Schonfeld-logo1

Then comes Middle Childhood (seven to ten years). Children begin to choose their friends based on compatibility and shared interests.  Friendships at this stage are based heavily on loyalty.

The last stage of childhood friendship, I will call the Transitional years (ten to twelve). In their pre-teen years, children start to recognize changes in their bodies and thoughts. They have a strong sense of self and look for friends who will complement their strengths.

Regardless of their age, one great way to help your child make friends is to build your child’s self-esteem. In their book Self Esteem, Matthew McKay and Patrick Fanning explain that when you reject certain parts of yourself, you are damaging psychological structures essential to healthy living. For example, in the same way that you protect a physical wound, when you are critical of a part of yourself you will find yourself avoiding anything that might aggravate the pain of self-rejection. Therefore, you will take fewer social, academic, or career risks.

To that end, your child might erect barriers of defense in order to protect himself. Those barriers can include blaming others, bragging about things they don’t truly like about themselves, getting angry, or making excuses. You can imagine how damaging this kind of behavior can be to friendships.

Point out your child’s strengths and encourage him to use them in many different situations. This will help him feel better about himself.

Another way to encourage friendship is to pass a smile. Before your children leave to enter a stressful situation, give them a great big smile. Then, let them know that their job is simply to “pass” that smile to one person who they see that day. Smiling can make children feel happy and also send out positive messages to those around them.

Getting involved in community service or chesed can be a wonderful way to make friends. Being in a group of like-minded people who are looking to help others can provide great opportunities for quality friendship.

Like community service, joining an after-school activity can provide relaxed opportunities that support friendship. Sports and games encourage teamwork and companionship. Your children might also learn skills that will help them in school.

Perhaps, the most important lesson you can teach your child about making friends is found in Vayikra, v’ahavta le’reacha kamocha – love your neighbor like yourself.” In other words, treat others as you would wish to be treated.  If you teach your child to treat his friends with the regard that he wants from others, his friends will be more likely to treat him with respect. Rabbi Akiva said that this statement is one of the greatest principles in the Torah. This pasuk, of course, applies to our lives and our children’s lives – the best way to create lasting relationships is to create balanced friendships based on mutual and reciprocated respect.

About the Author: An acclaimed educator and education consultant, Mrs. Rifka Schonfeld has served the Jewish community for close to thirty years. She founded and directs the widely acclaimed educational program, SOS, servicing all grade levels in secular as well as Hebrew studies. A kriah and reading specialist, she has given dynamic workshops and has set up reading labs in many schools. In addition, she offers evaluations G.E.D. preparation,, social skills training and shidduch coaching, focusing on building self-esteem and self-awareness. She can be reached at 718-382-5437 or at rifkaschonfeld@verizon.net. Visit her on the web at rifkaschonfeldsos.com.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

One Response to “Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
A Muslim social media campaign against ISIS was begun by the British Active Change Foundation.
Muslims Tell ISIS: #NotInMyName [video]
Latest Sections Stories
Calmer Times. Breslov chassidim on erev Rosh Hashanah in 2012 at the grave of Rav Nachman in Uman.

As optimistic as Menachem Rosenberg is – and he said he is going to Uman – he’s sure that this year, most of the travelers will not tour other religious sites or places in Ukraine.

Three sets of three-day Yomim Tovim can seem overwhelming – especially when we are trying to stay healthy.

Plotkin-092614

Is a missed opportunity to do a mitzvah considered a sin?

Teens-Twenties-logo

The sounds and scents of the kitchen are cozy, familiar, but loud in the silence.

Everyone has a weakness. For some people it is the inability to walk past a sales rack without dropping a few hundred dollars. For others, it’s the inability to keep their house organized.

Not enjoying saying no, I often succumbed to requests viewing them as demands I couldn’t refuse.

His entire life was dedicated to Torah and he became a pivotal figure in the transmittal of the Oral Torah to the next generation.

When you don’t have anyone else to turn to… that’s when you’re tied to Hashem the closest.

While we all go to restaurants for a good meal, it is dessert, that final taste that lingers in your mouth, that is the crown jewel of any dining experience and Six Thirteen’s offerings did not disappoint.

Today, fifty years and six million (!) people later, Israel is truly a different world.

There will always be items that don’t freeze well – salads and some rice- or potato-based dishes – so you need to leave time to prepare or cook them closer to Yom Tov and ensure there is enough room in the refrigerator to store them.

In Uzbekistan, in the early twentieth century, it was the women who wore the pants.

This is an important one in raising a mentsch (and maybe even in marrying off a mentsch! listening skills are on the top of the list when I do shidduch coaching).

More Articles from Rifka Schonfeld
Schonfeld-logo1

This is an important one in raising a mentsch (and maybe even in marrying off a mentsch! listening skills are on the top of the list when I do shidduch coaching).

Schonfeld-logo1

Children with dyslexia or dysgraphia frequently have problems in social relationships.

Some educators today believe that Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder falls into an executive function category.

Because the children suffering from this disorder generally have wonderful verbal skills, the disability can go unrecognized for many years.

People definitely had stress one hundred and fifty years ago, but it was a different kind of stress.

Time outs increases compliance and positive behavior far more than other forms of discipline

The Joys of Yiddish, Leo Rosten defines a mentch as “someone to admire and emulate, someone of noble character.”

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/parenting-our-children/nobody-likes-me-everybody-hates-me/2014/01/31/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: