web analytics
September 3, 2014 / 8 Elul, 5774
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
Jerusalem Mayor Nir Barkat (L) visits the JewishPress.com booth at The Event. And the Winners of the JewishPress.com Raffle Are…

Congratulations to all the winners of the JewishPress.com raffle at The Event



Opened Doors

Blended-Family-logo

Her initial response was coming from a place of pain and hurt over the loss of a friendship, compounded by years of a misunderstanding being allowed to fester. I understood that. She felt I had abandoned a great friendship when I walked through the “open door” that I was presented with. Since I try to learn and grow from every experience, my first step was to acknowledge that I had caused her hurt and I thanked her for the opportunity to make amends. I also realized that if she had a chance to get a view from the other side, if I had a chance to fill in the pieces for her, she might feel differently.

It is extremely hard to move on after a divorce. Starting a new marriage with children is overwhelming. It felt almost too much to deal with at times. I had fabulous friends and family that I left behind and I missed them terribly, but I was simply drained and exhausted by day’s end to try and stay in touch on a regular basis. Blending my past life with my new life was more difficult than I had anticipated. It was physically complicated given the distance, and emotionally complex as I was in some ways grieving for my old life while starting my new one.

There were days when it felt like I was an actress playing a role in someone else’s amazing story, but I would be lying if I did not say that there were times I wished that I could just wake up and resume life as I had known it, and go back to what was familiar.

Had I been tuned into these feelings back then, I could have discussed them with her; I believe she would have understood, but I simply did not have the clarity at the time to see things this way.

Fortunately we have both decided to open a new door and give our friendship another chance. I am sure that things will be different now; so much has changed in both our lives that we simply cannot just pick up where we left off. We are at a different stage now, with several grown children and many memories created without one another. We no longer live in close proximity so much of our contact will be by e-mail and phone calls, but I am looking forward and excited to see how this new/old friendship might develop.

I have learned a great deal from this experience and it is my hope that by sharing this story, people on both sides of similar situations will be more open and understanding of the process. Change is not easy.

This experience has also been the catalyst for my reaching out to friends past and present to let them know how much I truly cherish our relationships. I hope that by reassuring my friends of how important they are to me they realize that no matter what comes our way, or how far the distance between us, we will do our best to keep each other close in our hearts.

About the Author: Yehudit welcomes and encourages input and feedback on issues relating to the Blended Family and can be reached at blendedfamily@aol.com


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Opened Doors”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Journalist Steven Sotloff hid from his Islamic captors that he was Jewish but fasted on Yom Kippur.
Beheaded Journalist Hid His Judaism from ISIS Captors
Latest Sections Stories
LBJ-082914

What better proof do we need than the recent war with Hamas in Gaza, dubbed “Operation Protective Edge,” that transformed the pain and suffering of three families into a sense of unparalleled unity and outpouring of love of the entire nation of Israel?

Katzman-082914

So many families are mourning, and all along we mourned with them.

Astaire-082914

In addition to his great erudition, Rabi Akiva was known for his optimism.

Kupfer-082914-Chuppah

She told me that she was busy and that he could sit in his wet clothes for the rest of the day. It would teach him to be more careful.

What can we do to help him stop feeling so sad all the time?

Children with dyslexia or dysgraphia frequently have problems in social relationships.

Israel’s neighbors engaged in hostilities from the onset. The War of Independence was a hard-won battle. Aggression and enmity has followed for 66 years.

The contest will include student-created sculpture, computer graphic design, collage, videography, PowerPoint and painting.

David, an 8-year-old boy on the autism spectrum, recently attended a Friendship Circle event. As he entered he told his Dad, “I love coming to the FC programs ‘cause everyone loves each other.”

Goldsmith himself went on his own “voyage of discovery” to the places where his grandfather and uncle landed and were sent.

Frank proclaimed himself Zvi’s successor and the reincarnation of King David.

You’re probably wondering why the greatest advocate of fast and easy preps in the kitchen is talking about layer cakes, right?

Almost immediately the audience began singing and clapping and continued almost without stop throughout the rest of the concert.

As of late, vintage has definitely been in vogue in the Orthodox community.

More Articles from Yehudit Levinson
Blended-Family-logo

Since I did not know much about divorce in those years, I just assumed that this was the “norm.” I learned later on how exceptional this family really was.

Blended-Family-logo

Although my ex-husband was unable to attend we still wanted to include his family members who lived here is Israel and were very happy that we choose to do so for our son’s sake.

This particular article has been on my computer for quite some time now – incomplete. What compelled me to complete it was my son’s 19th birthday. Born of my first marriage and raised solely by my husband and me for the past seventeen-plus years, my son has only a few memories of time spent with his biological father. My children have made me acutely aware of Parental Disconnect issues. I hope that sharing my thoughts on it will help save others from the pain and confusion we have had to work through.

Family court, visitation and child support are all unavoidable realities for divorced parents. One particular rule that would be wise to heed is that child support should be less about dollars and cents and more about dollar and “good” sense.

Journaling, putting your feelings down on paper, is a well known method of coping with difficult or traumatic experiences. In fact there have been studies done that seem to prove that people who “journal” live happier, healthier lives. In his book Writing to Heal, James Pennebaker, Professor and Chair of the Psychology Department at the University of Texas at Austin, explores this concept. He stresses that when we write about trauma, emotional upheavals or difficult issues we are struggling with, the “heart rates slow, blood pressure drops and immune systems strengthen.”

In all honesty, I really do feel blessed. Interestingly though only someone in a family situation like mine could possibly comprehend this particular “blessing,” and many would not consider it a blessing at all. You see I feel fortunate to have not one, but two wonderful women in my life – both of whom happen to be my mothers-in-law, one from my first marriage and one from my second.

Recently a popular Jewish weekly magazine featured a story depicting the life of a young boy whose parents were divorced. Each parent had re-married, establishing new families. Their shared custody of this son, and he spent substantial time with each of his parent’s new families. Giving a voice to the child of divorce was the intention of the story. It highlighted the distress children feel as well as the confusing messages they often receive from the adults in their lives.

When an opportunity for a fresh start is handed to us, when that new door opens, it is often viewed as a gift from Hashem. In most cases in order to completely realize it, we must fully embrace it. For people transitioning into marriage the second time around this is often the reality they face: a new opportunity seldom comes without a price, without us having to, in some way, compromise the life we were accustomed to. Seamlessly blending “pre re-marriage” life with “post re-marriage, new blended family” life is difficult at best and often times takes many years to sort its’ way out.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/parenting-our-children/opened-doors/2012/12/20/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: